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Lenora Jul 2017
Up at night
Sighing turns into crying
You called
So the poem got stalled
Now its 10:27am and I want to start crying
But now its endless sighing
Again
Feeling these emotions where do I begin
I haven't wrote in months
But i feel the need to be blunt
These are things id never tell you just incase you may feel bad
Cause its starts off as anger you're oh so mad
Then you get down and now your oh so sad
I pray to god that you're faithful to me
I pray you have truly changed and you're everything you said you'd be
I lose my mind
I don't tell you most of the time
How one minute im find and the next I have tears rolling down my face
These horrible thoughts and feelings im trying to replace
You make my anxiety bounce off the walls
But with out you i wouldn't have known i had it at all
It starts off with heat covering my body then i start to sweat
You've turned me into a train wreck
Then i start to feel nauseous
Then i begin to be cautious of my emotions
I worry 24/7 about you and other girls
How if anything happened that would shatter my world
I can't stomach a situation that deals with your ex
It getting worse and worse and today is the next
How i can never think any good of you
When it comes to her
everything you've done becomes a blur
Everything isn't just little when it comes to them
And the chances of you sacrificing for me are slim
I feel like they tear us apart
There actions forge into our relationship and I end up with the hurting heart..
Id sacrifice anything for you
Do anything you say to do
But you cant. Wont do the same for me
Its alot i see
You don't think like I
And I don't think like you do
Maybe I did expect too much from you
My heart feels crushed
Feels like its carrying on to too much
My dream says theres a loss or a change coming in the relationship
Which in my heart it is very hard to grip
It says i feel indifferent neglected and alone
Sitting here on this throne
You say im am a queen a goddess to you
But is this how you treat one.. do you?
I don't want to lose something important to me
You
Lenora Jul 2017
It's never me
Even though that's the way it should be
Your words pierce through my heart like a sphere
These are the most hurtful words to my ears
My heart breaks with each word I speak to you in confusion
Im praying that all this is a delusion
My voice cracks
You have broken me and I can't put the pieces back
Its the 11th and you spill this heart breaking news
You have given me the ultimate blues
How could you hurt someone who would do anything for you
My love was true
My heart is becoming so cold it's almost frozen
While My sadness and anger is molten
We don't love eachother the same
But I won't play the blame game
I never had to contemplate over you and another being
I promise that when I accepted your ring
I've never had feelings for another and been confused about you
Cause I'll never have to pick and choose cause I truly loved you
Why am I an option if you're "inlove" with me
This isn't the way love is supposed to be
Love isn't supposed to make me want to disappear in to thin air
Or make me dissolve into myself without a care
Im deep in the ocean drowning in my broken heart cause I can't swim
The light is getting more and more dim
Cant even get a clue
Why am I waiting for your rescue
What happened to we can't give up now
This happened to our love how..
I slowly felt you slip away
And i was right and it has come to this day
Lenora Jul 2017
Why do i feel as if my heart will soon break•
I feel the gut alerts run through my body like an earthquake•
How can i have so much love to give•
But be scared of the thought of love and to be able to live•
All because she destroyed my outlook on love•
I tried to pray and look to the most high above•
But even still in my chest i felt the pressure •
Noone in my life can give me a refresher•
I try to explain my emotions but just cant•
Going around going on inside me an emotional rant•
Imagine the feeling of drowning 10 ft underwater•
While slowly sinking farther and farther•
The way your chest tightens•
And you are so frightened •
Then you get your last glimpse of light•
So dim but in your eyes so bright•
While the darkness closes in around you•
You pray to god someone finds you•
But nobody comes•
While you feel your slow last heart beats beating like a drum•
Waiting for another love but your scared•
because what if they bring you to the ocean of emotions like someone who never cared•
You try to say you dont need this•
But this love thing you cannot dismiss•
Funny you want this when you dont want love yo destroy you like it did your family •
But towards this love thing how am I supposed to be•
My heart truly breaks everyday •
But you cannot see cause i got these stubborn feelings in the way•
Happy is was people think of me all the time •
I fake it so good everyday it should be a crime •
I sit here and pour my heart of through this pencil •
Cant speak these things they only come through this writing utensil•
Alone•
Soul on a pedestal heart should be on a throne•
Shes aching and crying•
Moaning and whining •
She feels for you but it scared to go on•
She wouldn't have a care in the world of the feelings were gone•
You always say the right things•
No wonder i never miss a call when it rings•
My heart grows sadder as feeling grow stronger•
I really can decide if this can go on any longer•
You with a girl•
And me with this hatred of the world•
Why did i even get myself attached •
Thinking about you day to day today myself becoming a latch•
I feel like a line•
But i know imma dime•
Just dont wanna be waisting my time....
Lenora Jul 2017
No one cares
None of them are really aware
Of this crown i wear called depression
And what i feel and how they think are two totally different perceptions
Im always down
Even when I dont notice it i am always wearing a frown
Love for me is like the hot burning sun
You cant get a good glimpse nor a touch not even one
See i thought i had the sun and tamed its fire
Cause at one point i did feel a hopeful heart warming desire
But the sun soon turned cold
And no longer with love was i so bold
I will look over my shoulder
Cover my heart with huge boulders
Before i let anyone in
I will close up what is left of myself
Before I ever again let someone destroy my mental health
I will shut down before i let anyone decide its me they wanna heal
My heart a 4 way stop with a Yeild
but cannot proceed with caution
Cause the hurt happens way too often
  Jul 2017 Lenora
Cristina
Bring me peace so I can be freely wild
Throw me into the water so I can go deep
If there's cold I can create heat
Where is love I can bring tears
but to survive
I need your heart.
  Jul 2017 Lenora
Christopher
It felt as if
Your lips reconciled
The thousands
Of thoughts
In my mind
Into one singular word:
Stay.
I kissed her again, even though we went our separate ways, I knew I shouldn't have. That kiss destroyed me.
  Jul 2017 Lenora
Semihten5
which road
difficult to choose
the heart or mind
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