Does sand evolve
Into a millions pieces of
Bits of cosmos and our consciousness
Intermixed with dozens of generations
Of feet drowned into
A physical experience of this
Moment
Firmly planted in this
Coolness surrounded by the
Salty inhalations of
Something so alive it pains
One thing I wish for is
To
Feel

David Bowie died
I watched my brother get taken away
by parole officers
Drug charges
He served 6 months
In August I put my dog down
He became unwell
I pet him as the vet
injected
It's hard to say goodbye
In September a dear friend
Was killed on his motorcycle
In Oregon
Smashed by a semi-truck
I was supposed to see him two days later
At a wedding
It's hard to say goodbye
In late October my mother
Had a nervous breakdown
She said she couldn't trust me
Before being taken away in an ambulance
She's not the same person now
Leonard Cohen died as well
And it's not even December

it is insane to me
how life exists
at four o'clock in the
******* morning
lungs still breathe



(c) SEA 2016

I have not felt a thing
in quite a while

but for the anger and
heartbreak caused by
my own country's betrayal

disturbed patient fierce
redhead accelerates, mad
moist racehorses laughing

If freckles were lovely, and day was night,
And measles were nice and a lie warn’t a lie,
Life would be delight,—
But things couldn’t go right
For in such a sad plight
I wouldn’t be I.

If earth was heaven and now was hence,
And past was present, and false was true,
There might be some sense
But I’d be in suspense
For on such a pretense
You wouldn’t be you.

If fear was plucky, and globes were square,
And dirt was cleanly and tears were glee
Things would seem fair,—
Yet they’d all despair,
For if here was there
We wouldn’t be we.

I am the queen of what ifs
Sitting on a throne of could've beens

My fears are my loyal subjects
Escorting my dreams to the gallows

My ambitions are now prisoners
To my court of procrastination

I, the queen
Reign over all of this regret