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7d · 114
To die for
Aubrey 7d
I just want somebody to die for.
A.
Feb 4 · 86
The lesson I learned
Aubrey Feb 4
If I had to say I learned one thing so far
I would say that the hardest pill that I’ve had to swallow
was learning that no matter how good you could be to somebody,
no matter how much you love them,
they can and will turn their back on you
and there’s absolutely nothing you can do but
**** it up and
Keep
Moving
Forward.
A.
**** it up.
Aubrey Feb 4
Little do you know
How I'm breaking while you fall asleep
Little do you know
I'm still haunted by the memories
Little do you know
I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece
Little do you know
I need a little more time
Underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside
I've been holding back
For the fear that you might change your mind
I'm ready to forgive you, but forgetting is a harder fight
Little do you know
I need a little more time..
Feb 4 · 51
A little lost
Aubrey Feb 4
I keep getting swept up
in someone else's fantasy
Marriage, talents, interests
that don't quite interest me
Like a butterfly, beautiful on its own
but cannot redesign its mimicry
These new personas bombard
and confuse, they simply need to leave
I'm a puzzle with missing pieces
a map without a key
A mimicry octopus
fleeing from the scene
I need distance from it all
so I can go back to being me
A.
Aubrey Jan 30
I’m going to end up with someone who’s obsessed with me.
Someone who showers me with love even when they’re tired.
Someone who makes me smile, makes me laugh and makes me fall deeper in love with them everyday. Someone who loves my heart, my being.
That person will be my rib, my inner calm and peace.
A.
Aubrey Jan 27
Are You Asking For Too Much Or Are You Just Asking The Wrong Person?
There’s a difference between someone who likes you and someone who appreciates you.
There’s a difference between someone who thinks you’re convenient and someone who thinks you’re irreplaceable.
There’s a difference between someone who thinks you’re hot and someone who thinks you’re beautiful.
There’s a difference between someone who likes you for your body and someone who likes you for your soul.
There’s a difference between someone who wants to spend quality time with you and someone who’s just looking for someone to entertain them.
There’s a difference between someone who wants to keep you in their life forever and someone who wants you for a little while.
There’s a difference between someone who loves the idea of you and someone who’s in love with you.
There’s a difference between someone who keeps showing what you mean to them effortlessly and someone who shows you only when you ask them to.
There’s a difference between someone you can count on and someone who finds excuses for not being there.
There’s a difference between someone who sees a home in you and someone who only sees a vacation.
They both exist. They both fulfill a certain need, but you have to ask yourself first what you’re truly looking for and where this person is or where this person can meet you.
You have to ask yourself if you’re asking for too much or you’re just asking the wrong person.
And most importantly, you have to be honest with yourself if you’re with someone who’s not on the same page. If you’re with someone who doesn’t love you the way you want to be loved. And if you know the answer and you’re afraid to make a decision, you just have to do it because nothing is worse than living a lie. Nothing is worse than trying to find love and happiness in the middle of heartbreak and chaos.
You can never bloom in the wrong environment. You can never shine with someone who doesn’t see your light.
Because it can only be one of two things; there’s no in-between. It’s either the real deal or another fraud.
Jan 20 · 83
It’s time
Aubrey Jan 20
I regretted nothing
as I walked
out of your forest
where I dragged
my heart
so violently
Jan 4 · 44
Another bullet wound
Aubrey Jan 4
Please remember.
It is not her love coming to an end;
she will always have love tucked underneath her rib cage.
This is another failed love attempt reaching its last page,
a relationship fading into the image of a memory,
and a woman understanding that it is not her job to plant, water, and harvest love in a man all at once,
especially one who doesn’t want to taste the goodness of her love.
All that matters now is that she gave it her best shot,
another bullet wound from someone she handed the gun to.
A.
Aubrey Dec 2019
You’re so mean to me now. I can tell your falling out of love. I can see that you no longer love me like you used to. It’s the worst feeling anyone could fathom. I wish this upon nobody. It’s like you bought me this beautiful book and slowly, right in front of me, you start ripping out all of the pages. I can’t stop it and I can’t slow it down, all I get to do is watch and suffer. My heart still continues to beat for you though I don’t want to be done but I know I have to be. Torture is what it is.
A.
Dec 2019 · 53
If I let you go
Aubrey Dec 2019
Know that I didn’t leave because I wanted to. I let go, because you left me no other choice.
I’m never the type to give up easily & leave you, I’m the type to give you chance after chance after chance, even if you do me wrong.
I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you however toxic you may be. Even if it’s hurting me, breaking me, slowly killing me and my wants.
I’m not the person who decides to give up on people or let go. But if I ever decide to, please understand it took all of the air in me, all of the energy in me, all of the strength and courage in me to do so.
I don’t give up easily, I don’t let go easily, but if you ever give me a million small reasons to walk away, I’ll walk away after you choose to not give me the one smallest reason to stay. After that, I’ll walk away after my container full of chances run out, knowing I gave you my all, the best parts of me, i gave my fullest.
Not giving me a good reason to stay, is a good enough reason for me to leave.
A.
Aubrey Nov 2019
You.
You wanted it.
You wanted her fragile adventurous heart so no one else could have it. so you took it, you took it without care without caution. You didn't realize it was slightly broken when you found it but now that you have, you're having second thoughts. But that's not fair, she wanted you with everything in her but you just throw it back. You didn't listen. You didn't listen because you're selfish with your love, because you took everything out of her so you didn't have to get anything back. You watched that heart crack in your hands for months as you counted your trash on the side.
But, she forgave you. She forgave you because she thought you loved her. She thought you changed and maybe for a second you believed yourself. You talk about your future with her. You told her you'd die for her, but you lied. You **** the life out of such a beautiful soul for so long, she doesn't know how to fix herself now, or even begin to understand why you did the things you did.
She let you go!
But you came back.
You came back because you were lonely, because you no longer had someone who cared so deeply about you. You broke her heart because you were unsure of yours. You broke everything in her because you could. When you ended things she cried for days, She couldn't even remember how to eat. You hurt her so badly and she was still in love with you.
But she has to let that go.
She has to pretend things are okay so she doesn't look like an idiot.
She BEGGED you not to let her let it go.
You did.
So she begged you not to let it go.
You did.
You did everything she asked you not to. Everything she begged you not to do.
She doesn't want to hate you, but when she cries herself to sleep all that comes from your name is pain.
Pain...
Stay away.
Do not ever come back to that girl.
Stay away.
Because if you ever come back, she may not be strong enough to tell you to go, because she may say I still love you and make the same mistakes all over again. Because with your selfish hands. You may break her all over again because she didn't get to heal. she gave you too many chances to count. But you gave her up. But it's ok. it's ok because you'll regret it all one day. When she's finally happy and over you you'll miss her.
You’ll miss her.
You'll miss her childish humor and her fragile heart.
You'll miss the girl that never gave up on you when everyone else did, you'll miss that annoying girl who consistently wanted to make sure you're okay because you weren’t smiling like you were an hour before.
But she deserved better.
She deserved to have her heart held by the kindest of hands. Ones that keep their promises. She deserved to be flaunted as if she was gold. She deserves flowers and chocolates. She deserves so much more than a boy who thought he was a man.
But she didn't realize.  
She didn't realize that love didn't mean the same thing to boys.
She didn't know.  
She didn't realize you had a whole life without her that made you just as happy. She didn't realize that you had already made up your mind long before leaving. She didn't realize love was nothing less than a four letter word in this generation. But mostly she didn't realize that love didn't mean the same thing to boys.
She didn't know...
But mostly she didn't realize she had to apologize for loving someone too much...
Way too **** much..
A.
Nov 2019 · 53
unknown
Aubrey Nov 2019
i gave you more than i gave myself.
so loyal to you that i betray myself.









A.
biggest mistake....
Aubrey Oct 2019
tell me you love me,
tell me you're mine
tell me, i know it,
you don't need a sign
but i feel different
now you don't lie
but i want attention, commitment, intertwined
what are your dreams,
give me the details all in-between
just let me know you,
we can go far
don't turn your shoulder,
get colder, keep me warm
sweeter than love is the taste of all those promises
that pulls you in for good
can't get enough
put your top moves on and run with it
sweet talk that ****,
so good
i can be yours
i could be yours
tell me forever,
how can you know?
it doesn't matter,
see as we go
hope is protection,
saving us both
got good intention and passion,
can't run low
don't wanna deal with all sad stuff,
keeping it real
playing
pretending
when it gets rough
don't want us ending,
we're mending
shake it off
i can be yours
i could be yours
so sweet talk that ****, so good
so good.
A.
Oct 2019 · 54
waiting for you
Aubrey Oct 2019
you opened me up
and i lay for you
like a butterfly
still
vulnerable
ready again
once more
to surrender
waiting for you
to sink your teeth in.
but you pulled away
and left nothing
but paper wings
and the harsh truth
behind you
A.
lost
Sep 2019 · 268
i hope
Aubrey Sep 2019
i hope she makes you smile
the way it made me smile
on the other end of a phone
in the middle of a highway driving alone
oh baby i
i hope you hear a song
that makes you sing along and gets you thinking 'bout her
then the last several miles turns into a blur, yeah
i hope you both feel the sparks by the end of the drive
i hope you know she's the one by the end of the night
i hope you never ever felt more free
tell your friends that you're so happy
i hope she comes along and wrecks every one of your plans
i hope you spend your last dime to put a rock on her hand
i hope she's wilder than your wildest dreams
she's everything you're ever gonna need
and then i hope she cheats
like you did on me
i hope she shows up in a 2 AM pic from her friend
hanging on to a guy, and you just ain't him
i hope you stay up all night all alone waiting by the phone
and then she calls
and baby i
i hope you work it out
forgive and just about forget
and take her on a first date again
she's everything you're ever gonna need
and then i hope she cheats
like you did on me
thank God i found the one
that'd never cheat on me.
A.
Sep 2019 · 70
lover
Aubrey Sep 2019
we could leave the Christmas lights up 'til January
this is our place, we make the rules
and there's a dazzling haze
a mysterious way about you, dear
have i known you twenty seconds or twenty years?
we could let our friends crash in the living room
this is our place, we make the call
and i’m highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you
i've loved you three summers now, honey,
but i want 'em all
can i go where you go?
can we always be this close?
forever and ever
and take me out, and take me home
you're my
my
my
my
lover.
A.
on repeat.
Sep 2019 · 228
sept 4
Aubrey Sep 2019
i'm missing my same old us
treading away, fadin' away
will you turn around?
i wish that i was good enough
if only i could wake you up
meet me somewhere
tell me you're at least somewhat there.
can we come close to having it all?
if i'm gonna waste my time
let's waste it right.
then hold me while you wait.
A.
Aug 2019 · 68
the way you love.
Aubrey Aug 2019
you fell in love with the way i made you feel comfortable & the way i laughed with you. you fell in love with how light we felt while holding hands & eating eggs in bed on Sunday mornings. you fell in love with the world i showed you.

but you did not fall in love with me.



A.
Aug 2019 · 61
hot temper girl
Aubrey Aug 2019
i want to get you in my spaces
i want to take you different places
i know the touring is romantic
i know you see me as a frantic girl
but i can give you what you want
i know you like the way i hang my temper
and i gave you the world
i can be your hot temper girl
A.
Aug 2019 · 56
after me.
Aubrey Aug 2019
i hope you fall in love with his eyes and big smile.
i hope you notice everything about him. notice how his eyes glow when he’s smiling. cherish his smile, because you don’t see it as often as you should.
i hope you make him happy, because i failed to do so.
i hope you listen to his problems but don’t try to fix them because he insists on doing that himself.
i hope you introduce him to your family, let him come over and show him how he means the world to you to everyone.
i hope you teach that to him, trust is everything. all it takes is one time, one mistake and it will go away.
i hope you are okay with the fact that one minute he will play a country song and sing his heart out then the next he’ll have on rap and just bob his head occasionally saying the lyrics.
i hope you’re okay with his bad habits, because he won’t change for anyone.
i hope you’re okay with hanging out with his friends, because his friends are his brothers and they mean the world to him.
i hope you know that even if he doesn’t tell you he cares, he does, even just a little.  
i hope you know that he’s broken even though he seems so strong. he needs you to build him back up. it will take time but be patient. you both are learning.
dedicate multiple poems to him.
ones about his eyes,
ones about the memories you guys share on the beach.
one where you notice everything about them that they can’t see it or maybe they don’t love as much as you do.
love every part of their body, of their mind.
don’t change them for you. help them grow for themselves.
i tried, but failed.
i hope you show him the lyrics to every song that reminds you of every perfect moment you guys spent together.
football fields, the first night you guys shared. late nights parking down the side of the road just to see him for two hours.
enjoy those crucial hours.
i hope the good is great and the bad is nonexistent.
write him poems.
play him songs.
have that one song.
secret love.
go to the beach and scream like you never have in your entire life.
love harder, be stronger, be better.
don’t have pride. call him back. don’t ignore what upsets you but don’t blow it up either.
to the next girl

i hope he loves you back.
A.
here’s my goodbye.
Aubrey Aug 2019
toxic people LOVE playing the victim..
what was even more funny is how they’re SO GOOD at manipulating you and themselves and anyone around them into thinking you’re the bad guy.
sad but true, especially when you loved them for their flaws. ignored all the bad, even when EVERY SINGLE PERSON around you told you to stay away, walk away. you don’t listen, you decided to see the good, always.
second thing,
it’s very important to stay true to who you are and walk away from a toxic environment/person if there’s no sign of improvement.

learned that the hard way this year.  

A.
Jul 2019 · 96
but i don’t hate you
Aubrey Jul 2019
wish i could go back to the place where you told me you loved me.
where you said i was queen of your world.
when you gave me shelter.
you gave me room for my imagination.
it was all an illusion.
it’s you
you’re confusing.
i can’t stop thinking about you.
i can’t unsee the way i saw you.
i feel like i don’t know what i’m supposed to do,
living without you.
i couldn’t hate you
just wanted you to know.
you felt so far even when we were close.
who would have ever thought we’d be right back to where it all started.
feels like that picture in my mind is now tattooed.
but i don’t hate you.
A.
it’s you, you’re confusing.
Aubrey Jul 2019
young girls and women stay in toxic, unhealthy relationships because they think it’s love.
we call getting scolded in public for walking too fast love.
when we hear “you’re not going out in that, you want attention” we think, “wow, he thinks i’m so beautiful, i’m so in love, he wants me all for himself.”
no. he’s not being protective and he’s not in love or he would proudly hold your hand with a smile on his face, but more importantly a smile on your face down that sidewalk and not worry about whether your shirt came up a little too much past your belly button or if your shorts were too short, who cares? you thought. but you change because you think he loves you.
but you shouldn’t be tugging at your shirt the next time you wear it out again, you shouldn’t be throwing those shorts away because of a man who doesn’t know what love is.
laughter and bliss is the medicine. you both would agree.
so forced happiness and smiles is what the world sees. you know that.
fake social media posts about how their man treats them so good and it doesn’t get better than him and how they are so happy, the happiest they’ve ever been. so so happy.
the people closest to you see otherwise.
i know those songs will remind you of him, i know how long it took you to put together a playlist, knowing he wouldn’t appreciate it as much as you would have liked him to. i know that scent you smelled reminded you of him and that certain time of the year is painful because that’s where it all started.
you and him.
the chaos.
hurt people hurt people.
you both poke and say the things knowing it’s gonna hurt there.
you use words like weapons until one day, the hurtful stinging words aren’t enough.
your arms are pulling back, ready to punch, hit, whatever is spitting out those disgusting words.
then you both realize..
the person who you thought was your protecter, your friend, a role model, is none of those things.
they want to see you cry because then they know, they are in control.
that can shape you and form you into whatever they want.
you let them because you think it’s love.
to the girl wondering why she isn’t enough, to the girl crying off her leftover mascara from last nights arguments.
to the girl who thinks she will never find better because she’s convinced she is so in love with a boy who will replace her the next time she walks out because her instincts tell her to.
he doesn’t love you.
he will say he’s only human and everybody make mistakes.
he’s not love.
your gut is trying to tell you that you are not happy.
please listen.
those moments of anger are going to keep happening.
he will do more and more to hurt you and he knows he can because you let it happen.
you let it happen.
nobody is left to feel bad for you anymore.
because in the end, you let it happen.
this is a sign you need to walk away, i know there were some happy moments, full of laughter but remember how he never wiped your tears away or how he kept doing the one thing you said not to do. how he yelled so loud knowing you hate loud noises because they remind you of the painful times. how he made you do the things you didn’t want to do. how you thought you were saving a falling angel but you didn’t see how the demons were smiling at your cracking heart when you leaned in for a make up hug...
how he left your soul cold.
remember the nights when you couldn’t fall asleep because you knew he was getting over you and it killed a little piece of your heart.
you kept killing your heart and now you’re scared of letting your fragile walls down for someone else but you don’t wanna know someone else.
to the girl with tears in her eyes looking at a phone screen reading this
take a deep breath.
leave.
don’t look back.
stick to loving yourself until someone that knows how to love, that is capable of true love comes to save you from your suffering.
you will find love,
heal yourself.
find yourself.
to me:
read this again please,
and remember the hurt.
A.
leave and stick to it.
Jun 2019 · 133
agony
Aubrey Jun 2019
hurting everyone around me
while i hurt myself
toxic
everyone is being punished
for my stupidity
my scaredness
my lack of control
my complaints
me
me
me
it's all me
but i'll fix it,
ill re-gain control
soon,
nobody will be hurting because of me
they’ll be smiling as i watch in the distance,
overtaken by the shadows
my tears falling to the ground like leaves on an autum day
i had to leave
i couldnt stay
all i can do is try take other peoples pain away and make it mine now
you all deserve better
i am not better yet
but i will be
A.
in conclusion...
love is stupid.
Jun 2019 · 121
lilac sky
Aubrey Jun 2019
late at night
i lie awake
thinking of things i wish i would say
and i’ll the mistakes i’ve made
and all the sign i should have read.
then i think about what i can’t live without
you,  
front and center on my mind
sometimes it feels like halfway love
almost, but not quite
i gave you the term, almost lover
it suits you almost perfect
still,
parts of you make me feel whole
reminding me who i am and who i need to be
i think of the love letters that are now tore up
how i wish they weren’t torn up
feelings of blue and gray
when i am without you
is when i feel the closest to you
blank page,
artless innocence
i realized how dependent i’ve grown to you
and feel the need to create a distance
and i realized even more that i was in love when you hurt me
so i loved even more
toxic.
they say for the ones in love
love the hardest when there’s nothing to love at all
painfully and slowly that became true
but you see if you never spend quality time with your woman and feed her soul consistently,
she will never be truly happy
sometimes i look up at the lilac sky
and wonder if you’re looking too
i gaze at the colors and all the beauty of it all
thought it’s beauty would never compare to you
A.
please be looking too.
Jun 2019 · 252
real love
Aubrey Jun 2019
real love
dreams together
hopes together
works together
each of their days
loving each other  
trusting each other
respecting each other
that is all that matters
A.
Aubrey May 2019
hello.
i need to vent.
today i got my second heartbreak.
i don’t believe in a lot of things..
things that may surprise you.
but when they become a cheater and a liar
and you’re the one who gets hurt.
it *****.
it’s  been a while for me.
two years since i’ve felt this.
‪and finding out you’ve been fooled/ ****** around on for so many months makes you feel like you don’t even know yourself.
my heart is broke. ‬
‪i’m sorry ‬
‪i don’t have any reason to be ‬
‪but i’m sorry, my heart hurts. ‬
i don’t believe in looking through someone else’s phone.
and yours is never around.
i felt something was up every time you say your phone is missing
but tonight i found yours
and i sent a message
but the message never popped up.
just like today when i told you to fix that.
and you yelled at me that it was always like that.
i’m no victim, i will never act like a victim.
i am calm, I'm okay.
but when i told you to unlock your phone
and i watched you delete her conversation
my heart ******* shattered
it cracked so hard i felt it as my knees couldn’t hold my weight no longer.
i’m so torn.
why do i still love you?
your “ex wife”
why do i feel like i’m laying with her every night..
i’m sorry.
i say that a lot,
i’m scared.
but i’m sorry Aubrey for letting this happen again.
i’m sorry for letting me down.
i’m sorry.
i never want to see your face again.
i never want to hear from you again.
my words are not that important
and clearly i wasn’t that important
but my heart is sad anyway.
i wish you true happiness.
i’m sorry you couldn’t be it.
i’m sorry for your loss.
A.
i’ll never love again.
May 2019 · 127
somebody save me
Aubrey May 2019
i’ve been suffocating
all these months i’ve had your hands around my neck
release me
please,
release me
A.
please
love me
May 2019 · 112
i thought you were the one.
Aubrey May 2019
you say i’m dismissive
but like a hug when i need it
i don’t receive it
so think of what you’re saying before you speak
i need to know you’re on my team.
these days i could go without another enemy.
my mind is blank.
i’m tired of rhyming.
is this what true love is supposed to be?
day n night
arguing and fussing
like two kids
in a sand pit
repeating myself until i scream.
i told you i can no longer go on.
for my heart and mind is tired.
bending slowly breaking
fall in love with a poet.
our story is now coming to an ending.
i loved you until my heart turned cold.
i wanted to feel you on me
and just ******* forget the world.
i might be the writer
though i know i’m not all that great
but you’ll always be the words
and the sad reminder
that made me believe in fate
isn’t giving up allowed sometimes?
A.
sad..
May 2019 · 77
repetitive dream
Aubrey May 2019
i dream of meeting myself
one who's just like me
so,
you're older indeed
but we will succeed.
this i know for sure.
how
poetry lives through us
moments are held beneath ones touch
and relived through the words we speak,
always.
our love will be unique,
nevertheless.
A.
May 2019 · 454
reverse
Aubrey May 2019
with this dream to steal
like we are two criminals
the whole town knows
we know that
if everyone knows
we aren't doing it right
gotta deny
living a life that we
never touch
so close
A.
secret love
May 2019 · 97
apathy
Aubrey May 2019
i'm ready to fight for you
to finally let go of all hesitations and begin the war.
but i need to feel the love that's now worth fighting for.
never change, please, stay like this.
make me feel your love everyday, please.
please,
be in love with me too.
A.
please don't go.
May 2019 · 328
sixteen
Aubrey May 2019
once i was sixteen.
now i am seventeen.
i saw the word through a wild child's eyes.
careless.
not free.
but so carelessly free
i didn't care to be caught.
in those sixteen years
i learned that this world is a dangerous game.
no matter how you play.
let me live,
i would say
i played it dangerously safe.
meaning,
i took risks.
many of them.
maybe too many.
but i made it so
everything in the end,
would be as it was
before the risk was took.
this was supposed to be a poem about being sixteen
but last year for me,
was all about risk taking.
how dangerously **** life really was.
and if you experienced it right.
you're most likely wondering what all these risks were.
imagine.
what an innocent,
beautiful,
spirited,
little sixteen year old girl
could be getting herself into at her age.
A.
May 2019 · 181
one wish
Aubrey May 2019
11:11
my one wish is
to find someone
who sees the world
as beautiful as i do
with their lips
preaching poetic beauty
as i have once did
to all the boys
i have loved before
you never deserved me.
A.
Aubrey Apr 2019
when the memories
pack up and leave
it will set me free
come to think of it now
so many things that i need to see
tired of keeping you secretly
just to keep the peace
all those nights in the dark
will be washing away from me
but i'm still in love with the idea of loving you
i keep holding on
but its not enough
i'm just asking,
would you be building me higher?
would we be living as liars?
what do you know?
i need to know.
don't remember me
like i didn't care
i stole from myself just to make us complete
i don't think you know the difference
learning that we don't have the patience
i don't want cute imitations
that's why i'm trying to save me.
A.
inspired by my favorite song.
Apr 2019 · 75
spring break lover
Aubrey Apr 2019
as i lie here
swarmed by your heat
eyes closed softly
i think deeply of you
consisting of that unplanned night
the first night i saw you
my party
flames of spring break fire blurring your face
although my vision wasn't that well before
my apologies for not speaking to you sooner
my heart wasn't hurting
just delicate
and not knowing how lovely someone else
can really be
you ask to see me every day.
so you came over every night since then
stayed till 7 am
the third night we made jokes about families
it was Easter Sunday.
you brought me candy.
i asked you to stay over
because
something inside was begging me to let you know
that i am here and i'm already yours
so you stayed
holding me through the night
and you stayed again
no expectation
no regrets
just letting our minds become one
now i feel the safest when you're close to me
and lately i have felt the happiest
when i'm watching old reruns and
that one creepy show i told you to watch a while back ago
and you do
even though 3 hours
8 hours
12 hours
may seem like a really long time
with you,
when the morning sunshine comes
it makes me feel like i should have looked at you longer
and i do.
A.
Apr 2019 · 52
flux
Aubrey Apr 2019
flux
life being in a perpetual state of change.

i realize we both cared for each other.
the idea of reengaging appeals
however,
the constant changes in my life
and your life,
would not make such union possible.
reminisce
indulge in enjoyable recollection of past events.
reminiscing on past lovers,
how life would be if those relationships worked out,
favorably.
past
gone by in time and no longer existing.
past had deadening effects on relationships.
but past wasn't past.
so,
fantasizing about the alternate reality,
where things turned out differently.
perhaps inevitable.
such imaginations are something we all go through.
fool
a person who acts unwisely or imprudently; a silly person.
me.
A.
I wrote this over a few days, I hold this close to my heart.
Aubrey Apr 2019
Even if a relationship is breakable and fragile and full of anxiety it doesn’t mean that it isn’t worthwhile, exciting, beautiful and all the things we look forward to.
i think that a lot of relationships can be solid. solid and healthy, but that’s not always what you get. it doesn’t mean that it’s not special or extraordinary.
just to have a relationship, fragile is somehow meaningful in that fragility.
A.
Apr 2019 · 884
It needs to stop.
Aubrey Apr 2019
Let it end, now
I break the connection between you and I
I remove your power over me
The trouble is I care too much
And so I have let you rob me from me.
I let you take away the words i wanted to say.
The things i would've liked to have.
The things I need.
I'd like to say I don't care for you
But I can't help to care.
You promised forever.
Silly me.
It's human nature don't you see
Well for me it is anyway,

You,
I don't know what you are anymore.
A.
Apr 2019 · 50
Tragedy
Aubrey Apr 2019
i cannot understand it.
the love i have for you.
regardless of how i put it on paper.
i just do know know...
the same way i want to get away, but
i have nowhere to go.
the same way i want people to listen, but
i don't know what to say.
so when i tell you to leave
it only means stay.
but how ****** up am i?
i have to pretend to go mad,
to the point of madness itself
has to pretend to be me.
madness has to consume me
just to get my point across.
and all of this, just to try to
make sense of the love i have for you.
you will never understand it.
because i could barely understand it myself.

it is a tragedy
that we could not make it work.
that we could not find it within ourselves to stay.
it is sad to say,
but the last memory of you was spent in bitter silence.
i wish i could have hugged you longer.
A.
Apr 2019 · 132
Chaos.
Aubrey Apr 2019
Chaos.
Being told to tame this beautiful chaos of mine
is like being told not to feel
while walking through fire.
They tell me not to feel.
It's wrong.
So lately i've been uninspired.
I cannot think long enough to write down my thoughts.
Don't think.
It complicates things.
Just feel, and
if it feels like home
then follow its path.
And that's the thing.
She was always willing to burn for everything she has ever loved.
Chaos.
It's what we know as love.
A.

— The End —