I still wake up thinking
I am wondering if you are really gone
or just outta reach.
I moved on to, thought it was to a better place than you.
As it happened, it was exactly that, too good to be true.
She put on a Broadway performance, carrying white and blue sprinkles of 'forget yous".
She arrived with charming vows that later became vows to change.
I thought I moved on from you, your blue eyes and chapped lips.
The mask slipped off as the distraction dissolved into nothing.
I still go to bed thinking
Wondering if you're still awake.
Would she come at my first call?
Does she screen her phone waiting for your call?
Over 600 days and nights
I still wake up thinking there is our happy ending,
but that would be too good to be true.

Everything I did out of being kind hearted, maybe of been more selfish then accepted.
I wanted to win you over, get back what I once admired.
I woke up everything morning questioning my ability to be loved.
You woke up the demons that had been sleeping with misery.

I have wrote word after word and letter after letter stating how much I hate you. How much I hope you feel pain.

I sincerely do not care anymore.
I am not thanking you though.
I am not going to tell you you made the right choice by leaving.
I am glad you are gone though because sooner or later you would of left.
You prevented my daughter from later heartbreak.
When she ask the dreadful questions later that I fear everyday,
I will not once trash talk you, because if I like it or not you are still her "biological" father.
I will also, not lie. I will tell her you left because you are selfish. That she is worth more then wondering why.


Just from me though, you are not a man of your word.
You never stand by the things you say.
You are full of empty promises and broken words.
I will never have my daughter be let down by you.


But the truth is, I hope i can give her the best life, that she doesnt even wonder about you, ask about you, or want to meet you.
I will give her the best life without you.

I do not love you.

*I love who you want to be.

I will tell you something dear
you are not as ****** up as you think.
You have broken memories & a guilty conscious.
That is a simple fix, honey.
Be the person you want everyone to believe you are,
then you will have to stop acting.
You will have to stop acting dear, for you see
you will then be the one you try to get everyone else to see.
I do not see you in the light you see yourself.
I see you in the light of someone else.
The one I saw laughing at the bar
& the one that was seen by the sea.
That, my love, is who you are
when you are not trying so **** hard
to guard yourself from your happiness.

I have seen the one you want to be.
& my god it is a beauty.

He's damaged,
               Unfixable it seems
What others would call
                  nightmares
       Are his sweetest dreams
                And sometimes
  He takes his emotions
                               to
                            extremes
       It's so blatantly obvious
  When he finally
           breaks down
                    And screams
That the world
          brought him to his knees

                  He's a broken spirit.
       And I just don't know
   If my love
              can mend his soul
Or if my broken pieces
        Are enough to make
                                      him
                  ­                      whole.
       And if I use what
                       little I have left
To put him back together
                Won't that just
                                  leave me
      In a shattered pile of emotions
                   *forever?

It was the way you..
Smiled.
Laughed.
Walked.
It was how you..
Talked with such passion.
Had dreams that stole the night.
Listened to music.
It was because I ...
Couldn't look away from you.
Loved to hear your voice.
It was your...
Touch.
Smell.
Eyes.
Hair.
Style.




It was the way I kept falling not once but every **** time you look at me with those eyes.