my first crush committed suicide.
i remember the hurt at a young age
from chasing him around his living room
begging him for a kiss.
from my young age i knew i wanted him
in my life forever.
through his weaves and gagging
running around the furniture and up the stairs,
losing him sounded foreign then
and having lost him now, still feels the same.
our fathers drank and our mothers giggled
born three months apart
our future planned together
both saying "i do"
uniting us all together.
life flew on by
us both fighting with ourselves
and downing the bottles underneath the bed
loaded and silenced
family portraits painted in red
long life memories all put to rest.
only one made it out alive
but it's hard to breathe
out of us how was it me
and you in a little box
where a diamond ring should be.
my mind keeps wondering
when will i stop chasing you
then my heart replays
every time you turned a corner
you looked over your shoulder
and how you smiled at me.

The funny things about complex minds is that others will never understand them because
they don't even
                                understand
                 ­                                         t
                      ­                                       h
                                                               e
                                                               m
                                                               ­ s
                                                              ­   e
                                                        l
     ­                                                                 ­         v
                    
                                 e
          
                                                         s
  
                                                         .

Sometimes I wonder
if the smile I gave you
is long gone
or do you keep it in your pocket and put it on from time to time
in the darkness of the night

Sprinkle salt on my tongue and call me a nun.
I am the spitfire american
Ridden with oppression
While submerged in depression
My mindset is anything but stagnant/but my mind is ablaze
Inferno, internal, in-ex-plain-able.
I will conquer.
Even if it’s a slim to none chance