Sometimes in the pits of hell you find relief,
As far as how that is possible that's undefinable. Some how you picture peace in the heat. Outside of the pain you feel day in day out the mind finds a way to create peace.
And it's funny really, you become so deluded that you actually believe that it's happiness.
This never ending cycle, in the pits you sink deeper still.
Without even meaning to you adapt to your unhappiness thinking it the norm.
I truly hate it here..

For whatever reason my heart sank deep into the pits of my stomach,
I thought I was okay but suddenly I felt like crying.
There was a growing mountain in my throat and it became very hard to breathe.
Why is this happening?

Fear, that's what it is. Who am I afraid of this time?
Failure?
Though his stench has followed me along the past couple of years I didn't want to think of him today.
Who said you failed?

Apart of my existence it seems is to **** any hope I have inside before anyone else could. How will you ever make it past the first step if you're too afraid to try?
Knowing this still didn't quell my trembling hands and racing heart.
What am I so afraid of?

It was a time like this that I thought I knew you.
We were, always talking about something..everything and sometimes nothing at all.
With every smile it took a while for me to acknowledge your efforts. To accept that you wanted my laughter, you yearned for my happiness.
Looking back, I envy those who love without fear. The ones who welcome the fall and those who chase it.