I have to say
The truth be told
I'm addicted
I'm addicted to bettering myself
But not in thy way of improving oneself within
Improving myself with cosmetics
I'm addicted to the dark eyeliner
The cherry red lips
The perfect skin
It gives me confidence
It makes me scared to look my natural looks
Even when nobody else is going to lay eyes on me
I feel like I still have to put it on
For myself

You think I rub my arms over and over again
because it’s a little chilly and I should have worn a sweater,
but really I need to distract myself from the reflection
of you playing cat’s cradle with her fingers and nuzzling
your kiss into her wild hair. It’s not me who’s there even though
when the moon’s face wears the night to it’s annual masquerade
you’re the one who’s reaching out to me. Maybe we don’t kiss
but we don’t have to, because our souls have been suspended
above our heads like mistletoe and you chose
a long, long time ago to hold her instead of me. And you think
I’ve found recovery in the time, found separation
between the summers, but I tuck my hair behind my ears
and crush my lips back into my teeth not out of habit
but so that I don’t scream, That was supposed to be me!
That was supposed to be me. You know, too, or else you wouldn’t
recall some stupid puddle memory just so I’ll cling
to that last ember in the bottom of my heart and light it on fire.
So I’ll be the one to remind you of the frame you cut from my soft cedar
to put her in. You can turn my light down. I’ve got nothing for you now.

i remember that night
we snuck into
the abandoned house
next door
with my father's liquor
and your mother's cigarettes
after we had too much
to drink
you took a drag
and finally spoke
"how cruel
is it
for someone
to leave
just like that
and never
come back"
it wasn't until morning
when i realized
you weren't
talking
about
the building

IT WASN'T JUST A COINCIDENCE THAT WHEN YOU LEFT
THE HANDS ON THE CLOCK STOPPED MOVING
OR
THAT YOUR MOTHER CALLED
ASKING FOR YOU
WONDERING WHERE YOU WERE
EVEN THOUGH SHE'S BEEN GONE
FOR TWO YEARS
YOU WERE LIKE THE OCEAN TIDES
ALWAYS PULLING ME IN
AND PUSHING ME BACK OUT
I WANTED TO DROWN IN YOUR INFINITY
NOT KNOWING YOU WERE MORE LIKE A TSUNAMI
UNFORGIVING AND RUTHLESS
I WANTED TO BE THE ONE WHO MADE YOU TREMBLE WHEN YOU HEARD MY NAME
BUT INSTEAD
IT IS ME
WHO CAN'T STOP SHAKING AT THE THOUGHT OF YOUR LAUGHTER
CAN'T STOP SCREAMING AT THE THOUGHT OF YOUR VOICE
I THINK I CAN HEAR GOD LAUGHING AT ME
EVERYTHING IS SO MUCH LOUDER
WHEN YOU ARE NOT HERE
IF THESE PILLS AND BOTTLES WON'T BRING YOU BACK
ATLEAST I'LL FORGET YOUR TASTE
DARLING PLEASE COME BACK
PLEASE COME BACK

I drink the night away
Wondering if this much could take away my sufferings for good
Because I know that if my eyes don't open in the morning
I have nobody to miss me or even care that I was gone
If I just disappeared nothing would change
I would have a small funeral
Barely even remembered
That's why I wonder if it would be better if I was gone

I hate you.
Almost as much as I love you.
I've been fantasizing about stabbing you in the legs the way I used to fantasize about kissing your face.
I thought that I had one person I could always count on,
I just knew you'd never betray me.
Guess I was wrong.

You broke my heart,
I want to break your spine.
You make the worst ex ever, and now you're mine.

I want to hurt you the way you hurt me.
I want to stuff glass into your arteries.
I want you to stop saying you're sorry.
I want you to invent a time machine,
So this'll never've happened.
So neither of us will've learned this lesson.

"Darling you're the world to me"
"My love, you make me so happy"
What an idiot I was to believe these things.
Now you've got me writing slam poetry
Because I figure it's better than murdering you-
And that little ***** you ****** too.

You were drunk!
You felt alone,
You were confused,
And guess who was right there to comfort you?
That's no excuse.
I sure hope going down on someone new,
Was worth throwing that rare and beautiful thing we had away.
I never knew someone could hurt me this way.
Oh and by the way, I hate you.