stop caring so much

and when the sun sets
will you lay your head
to rest content with
all the choices that
you've made

will your last breath
pass without regrets
when you lie
on your deathbed
or will you wonder if
you resolved and wrapped
up all the loose-ends
before fading away

into the dark abyss
of nothingness
that awaits  
each of us
inevitably

You'd said you try, try harder
The storms done and
The weather's warmer
We all get old sometime
It's a blessing in disguise
There was a crash when we
First met
A comet of brilliance
You say you'd like to start anew
From wayward shores to
Skies of blue
Blue
Blue ashen cigarettes in Cadillacs
When we're both down we cruise
Like bats
In your disease I found a lover
In your strawberry speech a
World of glamour
I have held your heart like it
Was a charm
I've grasped your hands and
Stroked your arms
And I'm aware of how you say?
Our reckless games and
Childish ways  of
How you're so wrapped up in the
Game
Of the fantasies that
Bloom in your brain
That I was apart of
I was your muse
I'm all used up and feeling bruised
But that's the pleasure paradox
Winter solstice to the Summer
Equinox
When you live for the thrills
It just may be caused by
The pain you hide-away
And maybe this is our plight
To jump from windows out
Into the night
You'd said you catch me if I fell
You said it wouldn't hurt at all
So this is where I'll leave
You now
With regrets of bad decisions
And wondering how
We're still afloat and
Getting through
Of how I'm still wrapped up
In you.

The hardest part about writing poetry is the boundaries you create for yourself.
You think of ideas to put onto paper, but you feel like those thoughts are mundane and probably previously overused.
The hardest part about writing for me, is pushing past those thoughts and convincing myself to write about it anyways.
I need to understand that I have my own twist on similar ideas as others.
I need to trust my mind and let it do the talking.

I just feel like there’s something wrong with me

With how I think
And how I react to things

I don’t know if I’m missing something
Or if I just made myself into this mess

There’s so much going on inside of me
I don’t even know where it's happening

I can feel voices in my legs
They’re screaming in my spine

They’re dying to get out

I want so badly
To get them out
To stop harboring these awful thoughts

They’re tearing away at everything I am
They take a piece of me with each word

"You’re never enough"
"You’re cold"
"You are always messing up, my god why do you do that?"
"You are too complicated for love"
"You’re incapable of communicating your emotions"
"Who’s going to want to be with someone like that?"
"You will never go anywhere"
"You are talentless"
"You aren’t anything special"
"You are plain"
"You are so much lesser than everyone else"

It hurts
So bad

They have a way of wrapping their words around my heart
And making them all I can see
All I can hear
All I can feel

They pull tight
They twist and turn my insides
They make sure it’s slow
They know its painful

It feeds them

My tears are their water
My muffled sobs are music to their ears

I want them out
I need them out
I can get them out
If I just say something

Huh

But then again, who would listen?

I’d rather keep them in
Than burden someone else with them

I think something’s wrong with me