All these thoughts running through my mind
Racing
Running
Over and over
When will it stop
It never will
Are they happy??
Are they mad at me??
Are they lying??
I dont know
Im sure they're fine
No they can't be
They should be mad at me
Im not enough
They're mad at me
Why
What did I do?

Where are they when I need them?
When Im feeling down
When idk what to do
Why aren't they online
When I miss them so much
When I want to talk to them
Why can't I hug them?
Show them just how much they mean to me
Show how I feel

Im sorry....
Im sorry im not enough...
Im sorry i cant be there....
Im sorry i cant be what you need.....
Im sorry i cant give you what you need..... im so sorry....
Im sorry i cant provide what you need..... im sorry...
Im sorry...
Sorry...

Those thoughts are back.
Everytime I think it's gone
It'll just come back
I think I'm over it
But then i realize I'm not
I think I'm fine now
But im not
The thoughts will always come back.
The thoughts and feelings that haunt me
They won't go away
They never stay away..

Why do I always feel like I've done something wrong?
Like everyone is always mad at me
That I've done something to make you upset with me.
What have I done?
Just tell me and I fix it
I swear I'll fix it
Please
Please tell me what I've done wrong
I promise I'll fix it
I fix whatever you need me to fix
Don't leave
Not like this
Please

I try to hold my feelings in
To ignore the pain that I hide
The thoughts and feelings are so overwhelming
I try and try but they never stop
I need to feel
Although I don't want to
I need to keep going no matter what

I said id stop
I said id try
But everything i say those words
I know they're lies
While I hold the blade
My mind goes blank
My body does what it does
I have no control
Eventually the pain pulls me out of the trance
Then I see the effect of what I've done
The fresh blood..
The scars on my thighs and arms
The pain that will never go away