It's gotten bad.
To the point that I let the emotions consume me.
Consume me from writing the ink.
I wanted to supress my feels.
I wasn't ready to let waves of emotions come through my body.

I didn't want to feel anymore.
I didn't want to share my love to another anymore.
Too hurt to feel the emotions.
I wanted to be alone.
I wanted to be silent.

Felt like I wasn't enough to feel human.
Tired of the fire burning inside.
But.
I know.
I need.
To let go.
I have to feel it.
Let the words come through my fingertips.

But I was afraid of the ink.
Afriad that if the ink is expressed.
I will feel the depression.
The anger.
The fire.
The anxiety.

It all grown upon me.
Like soliders attacking the enemy.
When will it stop.
At the pit of the throat, piles of innocent ink fill the hole.
Trying to escape.

And maybe now I am ready to let the ink flow through my body.

She was never enough for you.
Judgment from the day she learned that she is a human being.
The day she knew what a daughter was supposed to be.
The day she knew that words had meaning.
That the words can create feelings inside of her.

By you, she was never enough for you.
Thrown by words that torn an innocent heart into pieces.
Before the heart was even ready to mature and love another beside her own mother.
Your words thrown to the corner that she never felt she wasn't enough.
That love from you will never be felt inside of her.

So she learned to live afar from.
To not come near you.
That any bond she creates with you will be burn down from your lips.
As each action she tried to earn your love.
But it wasn't enough.

Walls were built around her heart.
Then she learned what is love from another.
But still grow afar from you
because she wasn't enough.

She prove and prove
But the judgements and names always came through your lips.

When will she be enough for you?
When she's dead?
When she pushed you to the curb and have her own life?

The poet lives two lives.
One on the outside,
And one in their mind.

When you look in their eyes
You could see an abyss.

If you looked long enough
You could sink into it.

But most people don’t see it.

Take the time to read the words, though,
And you would know for sure.

The poet lives in two different worlds.

Aches. Pains.
When does it stop?
From one year old,
all I endure was aches and pain.
Stiff. Crack. Pop. Joint.
The words to my disease.  
Rheumatoid. Arthritis.

From a child,
all I was told to take these pills to help the pain.
The pills that were suppose to be magical as I was told as a child.
Magical pills to take the ease of the aches and pain.

Time has pass, as I am older than now and still dealing with the aches and pain.
I learned to not let those words define me but reshape me.
Make me whole and accept that I am me.
I am stronger today than I was yesterday.
Yes the pain doesn't stop
But what I can control is my thoughts on my disease.
Stiff. Crack. Pop. Joint.
Those words will follow me to the endless of time
But
It will not control me.

The sun is sleeping while the moon is awake to its turn to shine bright in the sky.
Look up in the sky and you can see the stars shining brighting with the moon.
I’m awake.
Thinking.
Consolidating over my thoughts.
Music is playing to ease the many thoughts that are running through my mind.
Have you wonder why do we sleep when the sun is also sleeping?
But really the sun is not sleeping, it’s on the on the side of the world shining brought for others to see the distance of light.

I stare into space within these four walls of mine.
What holds my personal belongs.
What expresses some of inch of who I am.
What keeps my heart entirely part from the rest.
These four walls is what I call own space.
Where my bed belongs at the time being.
The bed that hold the memories of myself.
The memories that lingers in my mind.
As I lay here and stare into space,
I feel that frustration of just wanting to quit.
But then same time I can not quit.
These four walls that keep me sane when I am wanting to unleash the beast.
Where I can pump my music loud without being disturb.
Where I can unleash my creativity at the time being.
These four walls where I stare into space is what I can call my own until I can have more walls with multiple rooms and tremendous space of my own.

I am the stars.
When you look up into the dark sky
and you see the moon and the stars,
think of me.
Because I am the star,
shining bright for you.
Remember me.
Remember the first time we talked and I made you smile.
Remember the first time I made you laugh.
Remember the first time you saw me
and you wanted me as yours.
The woman that you could love.
The woman you felt so easily to trust.
The woman that made you feel love in many ways that others could not.
Think of me.
Think of what memories we could both have together.
Think of how I made your heart flutter.
Think of how I made you moan for me.
Feel the stars.
Feel my hands in yours.
Feel my body on yours.
Feel my kisses only for you.
Now, remember us.
Us, that will build within each other.
Us, is what you said you want.
You want only me.
You want to love me.
You want me as yours.
So the stars I told you to look upon,
I am yours. I am here to serve your heart as you serve mine
I am your star.