If I'm not feeling sick, I can pick up another bottle
If I can still hold the ****, I can take another hit
If I can still hold the e-cig, I haven't had enough nicotine

If the hunger is still bearable, I can sleep another hour
If the assignment isn't due, it can wait another day
If I won't throw up, I can take another bite

Why can't I hear anyone anymore?
Why is everything grey?
Why do I feel like I want to collapse?
Why did I do this?
Why didn't I learn my lesson?
Why is it possible to feel this pain?

It must be a dream
A nightmare

Its been 7 years
Why can I still not hear anyone?
Why is everything still grey?
Why won't the nightmare end?


Hello?
Is anyone out there?



Am I dead?

I say im fine, but im not.
I say its ok, but it isnt.
I say im not addicted, but i am.
I say its just a faze, but it isnt.
I say im going to be ok, but im not.
I say its normal, but it isnt.
I say im not going mad, but i am.
I say its just the ****, but it isnt.
I say im getting better, but im not.

I don't want to sleep
I don't want to close my eyes
I don't want to start again

I'm scared of sleeping
I'm scared of closing my eyes
I'm scared of starting again

I'm scared

I smoke **** every day
I smoke **** to keep my head on straight
I smoke **** to keep my thoughts from going astray

I like to smoke **** cos it keeps me content
I like to smoke **** cos it keeps them at bay
I like to smoke **** cos it makes me lament

when I smoke ****, and I will if I may
I think of all the friends I rent
I think of all the things I should say

I smoke **** every day
to fill the void inside