Do you know how it is to walk the street very early in the morning? Just early enough to have the sunrise all for yourself for a couple of minutes? It's a pretty scary and sad feeling. Having all of that beauty and no one to share it with.
I wonder if that's what God felt after creating the universe; that sort of supernatural-scary-loneliness. Perhaps that's why he made us; not to feel alone. It'd sure make sense. I mean, if we are made in his image, then it's fine to assume he can feel alone too sometimes. Geez! the kind of things we can do when we feel alone.
Last night, I called a very old ex-girlfriend of mine. I didn't even wanna talk to her, I just wanted to hear her voice. Her kid answered the phone; she's got a kid now (Man, time does move too fast) We ended up talking about a little of nothing. We might drink coffee one of these days.
It sometimes seems to me that I'm partially living in the future; in the "one day". Don't get me wrong, it's better than living in the "remember when", but not as good as the "right now". What I'd give for some "now".
Back to loneliness. I saw two men in the park sharing a cigarette. They were arguing about something, one of them left and the other began to cry. Some of his smoke got in my eyes.
Later, I went with a friend to an auction house. He bought some "collectible film prints". In one of them, there was a man with a cigarette crying.
Was the man in the print the same as the one in the park? Probably. It wouldn't be the strangest thing that's happened.
I ended up buying the film print with the crying man from my friend. I keep it in the drawer next to my bed, along with some love poems and rejection letters. I try to look at it every morning. It's some "now" to hold onto.