I am so tired…. But Its not a lack of sleep. Its emotional, mental, physical the loss runs deep.
Standing on the edge of hope and hopeless choosing between blinding pain and numbness.
My head hurts, my stomach is twisted in knots. My body has a physical response and i am not calling the shots.
Wish i could turn it off but the damage is done.
I have changed irrevocably from the battles lost and won.
Tiny fissures left open scream out and bleed. At best i slap on a bandaid ignoring the real need.
At times i stop and survey the path i am leaving of blood and tears. But i force myself forward in spite of the fears.
Just Keep moving ignore the pain, the alarms screaming survival is the game.
Dodging bullets, walking on eggshells, being a wall and a shield. Trying not to lose myself in the mass casualties on the field.
I feel the heavy pressure of walking this line. Burdened by a choice between true peace and everything is fine.
If only i was the only one who had to pay for my choices. But i bear the weight of those other helpless voices.