You know, it just sunk in.
All these years I've been trying to be an "adult" trying to solve his problems,
And I just realised I'm one year away from becoming one with the same problems,
And I can't tell this cursed world saying "you can't put a kid through so much pain..."

Before I realised anything, an hourglass stood before me
It stood before me, majestic and strong, sand sizzling down its top
Golden sand so beautiful, like crystals of light stolen from the sun
Encased in glass so clear, like diamond, void of everything but itself

What was it trying to tell me? I didn't know.
My gaze was lost in it, awestricken by curiosity
I crawled around the glass floor inspecting the peculiar object
For it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

As grains of sand hit the bottom, I grew closer to the top
Intimacy led to trust, trust led to kinship, kinship led to family
As grains of sand hit the bottom, I found myself wanting to protect each grain
I found myself wanting to cherish for eternity, each fleeting grain.

As grains of sand hit the bottom, I grew closer to the top. But not close enough.
Close enough to see what secrets the top held
Close enough to understand what this hourglass meant
As grains of sand hit the bottom, I found myself wishing they'd fall faster.

Eventually I stopped growing and the sand slowed down.
My gaze was lost in it, numbed by boredom
What waited at the dreary end? What was the point of any of this?
Filled with questions and no answers, I started clawing at the glass.

It felt wrong. It felt like I was betraying something important.
I had reached a miserable point where I couldn't care less.
Right and wrong were like glass and sand. I kept clawing until the horrendous screeching ceased with a cold cold crack.
The squalid sand poured out onto the glass floor.

The sand scrunched against my feet, it felt... different.
I knew I should fix the ominous crack, but I didn't
My sinful hands felt heavy, it was almost like I didn’t care anymore.
Bitter tears streamed down my face and were soaked into the acrid sand.

Tears for the hourglass it could've been
Tears for the man who felt nothing when he broke it
Tears for the man who'd given up on fixing it.
Tears for the child who was lost in the blissful dunes of oblivion

The sand stopped pouring out, where the crack once was now the glass lay welded
Beside my pathetic hourglass stood hers, the most beautiful hourglass I'd ever seen
Golden sand so beautiful, like crystals of light stolen from the sun
Encased in glass so clear, like diamond, void of everything but itself.

Beauty in simply existing, ambition in each sizzling grain
Audacity to dream dreams for a tomorrow
I knew none of those so I copied her hoping
Someday I'd be able to stand beside her as her equal

In her I saw myself, a fascinated child beside his hourglass
Her existence rekindled a flame within, sparked by determination
Lost in my hourglass I realised the unfathomable potential in each grain
Conceiving the myriad of grains coursing through the glass... a latent being awakened

With that the gears of the cosmos were clanked into motion
And for the first time, I heard winds howl in this windless plane
Winds of fate, winds of time, winds from the birth of continuum
Propelling me towards the point where the sun melts sand to glass

Propelling me towards the singularity where a God is born.

And thus the saga began and the timeless grains of sand fell
As the final grain fell my entire life flashed before my eyes, and by far
the  most important grains were: the first that birthed my existence, and the other, when I found out why
As the final grain fell, I closed my weary eyes, smiling, seeing the most beautiful hourglass I'd ever seen.

The sun rays hit my eyes waking me up from my good night's sleep
I yawn, stretch my arms and jump out of bed.
I look out the window, there're smiles and sunshine.
I spend the day mindlessly staring at the sunshine.

The sun rays hit my eyes waking me up from my good night's sleep
I yawn, stretch my arms and jump out of bed.
I look out the window, there're smiles and sunshine.
I spend another day mindlessly staring at the sunshine.

The sun rays hit my eyes waking me up from my sleep
I yawn and crawl out of bed.
I look out the window, there're smiles and sunshine.
I spend the day pointlessly staring at the sunshine.

The sun rays hit my eyes waking me up from my sleep
I look out the window, there're smiles and sunshine.
I close the curtains and go back to bed.

The sound of rain splashing against my window wakes me up from my sleep.
I open the curtains and look out the window.
There's rain and sunshine.
I look at the raindrops sliding down the window, drawn in by it's guilty pleasure.

I'm woken up by thunder crashing down from the heavens.
Startled, I look at my window: it's open.
I look out the open window, it's pitch black for all the eye can see
I mindlessly stare at the darkness as it creeps inside.


I wake up and turn towards the window: there is no window.
I go back to sleep.

I don't wake up.


I don't wake up.



I don't wake up.




I can't wake up.

Asks one blind man to another
“How did you lose your eyes?”
Replies the other

“I was born into a world of darkness.
Nothing to see, but the abyss ahead.
Staring into its depth, as it stared back.”

Asks one blind man to another
“How did you lose your eyes?”
Replies the other

“I was born into a world of light.
As a child whose eyes sparked curiosity,
I searched, taking in everything I found.”

“The azure summer sky on the tranquil blue ocean.
The trees dancing in the first monsoon shower.
The amber foliage on a sepia autumn sky.”

Replies the man born blind “I wonder what’s worse.
Experiencing sight and having it taken away,
Or not experiencing it at all.”

The other smiled a smile so happy yet so sad
“The sights of light are still vivid in this abyss.
Light so bright, light so dark...”

“My loss is both a blessing and a curse.
I’ll never see those sights again
I’ll never forget those sights either.”

Asked the man born blind,
“Is mine a blessing or a curse?”
The other cried, tears flowing from a void.

“Cling on to her hand and don’t ever let go,
Asleep in her warm caress, don’t ever wake up
She’s both your blessing and curse.

She is oblivion.

So here we are, just the two of us
Lying down on the soft grass
Lost under this starry sky
The same sky that brought us together
Now breaks us apart
Holding hands, crying, smiling.
We remember all those bonds that tied us together
Under this starry sky

“I love you” Those magical words escape your mouth one last time
I’m dragged down this maelstrom of memories- Our memories
When I first laid my eyes on you. Our first date.
My confession. The first time we held hands.
The first time I heard those intoxicating words from you.
The first time I felt your saccharine lips pressed against mine.
Your smile that belied those tears.
Every moment I spent, drowning in your love.

Your hand, feels so cold, so painfully cold
I hold back my tears, I promised I wouldn’t cry
I smile at you, even though it hurts so bad
Seeing your body finally at ease, attenuates this harrowing pain
The pallid rays of the crescent moon, veil your face with a ghostly white.
I get up and walk away, just as you asked me to.
And thus ends our moonlight tryst. I look up standing still. Lost. Alone.
Your tears fall on my eyes, trickling down my face.

I see you up there, smiling at me.
Beyond this starry sky...

I’m not thinking to myself.
I’m aware of your presence,
Just as you are aware of mine
A soul trapped in a room,
With white walls and neon green stripes

My soul is stuck in here for eternity,
Waiting to be freed,
From a curse that riddles it.
The curse brought upon me,
By my sin

Sound of a low hum, I’m aware of it now.
So accustomed to it, I forgot it existed.
I take a step towards a wall,
It recedes one, the gap remains.
I’m overcome by this feeling, I’m just aware of.

Hey, you, the one reading this,
Can you make it stop?
This feeling, it’s unpleasant.
I close my eyes hoping for it to end.
Nothing changes, I still see neon stripes.

This wall’s all I can see.
This low hum, all I can hear.
Make it stop. It’s driving me crazy.
It’s amplifying this feeling within.
… He called this my penance.

Aimlessly, I try to run.
I need to feel a sense of change.
This monotonous scene, I wished for it to change,
And it did. I stumbled upon it.
How I wish I hadn’t.

I knew it was here all along, I’m conscious of it now.
Maybe I was so accustomed to it I forgot.
Or maybe it was so painful I chose to forget.
Either way, desperate to change this monotony,
I opened the bag.




A hunch now confirmed - this bag belongs to him.
I know I shouldn’t unravel, the secrets held in it.
But I’m desperate, to change this monotony.
Not like I care anymore…
And so, I opened the door to endless suffering.

It’s coming back, the memory of my sin.
That monotonous feeling gone, but it hurts,
Pain surging through my body, beautiful pain!
I remember what I did to him, I regret everything.
But it still feels like, I’m forgetting something.

It courses through my veins, ripping my mind apart.
The striped walls distort into billowing waves.
My bones shatter, blood oozes out of every orifice
Ecstasy! Masking pain with pain
For one brief moment, my mind was at ease

Soon seven silhouettes, surface above Styx
Ira, Invidia, Avaritia, Superbia,
Acedia, Gula and Luxuria
Surround me. Taking still silent steps towards
When just a step away, they morph into one entity – Him

“I’m sorry” “It’s too late now”
My features wince in pain. Pain,
Quaking through my body, wrecking all my states
Desperate to find comfort I believe
This retribution is my redemption.

His contemptuous glare stares right through me
He wasn’t satisfied. A smile creeps up his face.
“You forgot again” He slid something into my pocket
“This’ll help you remember again” And he disappeared
Into the bright darkness

I rise back to my stature
Tears dripping down “I’m sorry”
My sins hurt him; all I can do is regret
I can’t rewrite what I scrawled
Into the indelible sheets of time




I reach into my pocket and pull it out,
A picture of him crying. All the pieces fall into place
This feeling of tranquillity in this moment of realisation
This silence before the storm, lasts until I process everything
I was looking into a mirror

My heart sinks into chaos
My mind finds order
Pain so unimaginable
Pain so… painful
Stop this…

You, reading this,
Make it stop, please
It’s hurting. I can’t bear it anymore
Please help me…
Tell him to stop.

Well, whatever. I don’t care anymore.

Heh, the pain’s fading away already
I’m forgetting again
Trapped, in an endless cycle of time
I’m forgetting everything
Forgetting only to remember again

Acceptance, the last stage of this cycle
I’ve sinned against myself
He’s punishing me for this
I plunge into the tender hands of oblivion
Only to relive this torture when she lets go

I’m a paradox
A nonexistent entity
A human bound to a monster
A soul free of dimensions
Caged in a cube

I’m aware of you
Just as you are aware of me
A soul living by the chasm of insanity
Falling in and getting dragged back
Staying out and getting ****** in