I received a re-invitation email this morning. A ‘come on, why don’t you want to?’ note that struck me as odd. See, I’ve been ‘tapped’ for a couple of final clubs at Yale. It can happen if you earn top grades and interact easily with male friends by day (the crew club scene is ol’ school patriarchal).

Three of my roommates have been tapped - for one thing or another. The upper-crust, traditional networks and secret societies are a huge part of why young men and women choose Ivy League schools.

I’m not talking about frats - I enjoy flippant misogyny as much as the next breasted-American and really, does “Yo bruh,” sloppy binge drinking, and ****** assault ever really get old? Yeah, it kind-of does.

And I’m not talking about the more open and popular ‘eating clubs’ - no - I’m on-about the elite social orders that enjoy a subversive and exclusive appeal.

Some students desperately want to be ‘IN’ and believe those memberships prove they’ve somehow ‘made it’. Let’s face it, someday - if you can’t actually earn it - that skull & bones handshake might open some doors.

I’ve attended a few meetings, meals, and parties in “tombs” (in upstairs libraries and houses) around New Haven, but I guess I’m just not a ‘joiner.’ Groucho Marx once said that he wouldn’t want to be a member of any club that would have someone like him as a member, maybe that’s it for me too.

Anyway, this harangue is sponsored by the glower that that silly email put on my face.
“What’s the matter?” Leeza asked, seeing my expression.
It reminded me of watching people ****-up and ‘social mountain climb’ to get into my grandmère’s (boring) circle. If your club is so exclusive (email sender), why on God’s confused earth would you want me?

Hey, I like parties, dances and hanging out with eskimos - but I'm a pre-med student and the time/value equation just doesn't stack up for me - I’ve got the M-CAT tests next summer and prepping for those has taken over my life.

It’s ironic though, how by day students at Yale go-on about ‘elitism’ - in stylized outrage - and then by night they strain to join these crew clubs.

slang...
final clubs = elite clubs and secret societies
eskimos - really cool people
crew = elite (crewing is seen as a sport for the elite)

This loss
This waste without regret
This I wouldn’t trade for the world
This I can’t leave alone
This I crave for my being

It’s special, it’s ours

We won’t talk about it, we never will
But when I see you again
Will my eyes do nothing but well
Will my knees crumble with relief and love
Will I scream out for you
Will it hurt any less the next time we leave?

In another life in another time
You don’t leave and neither do I
And we stay and we build and we live
And that’s enough for both of us

Viewed through a shallow liquid
Your beauty is blurred
Or is something else
Blurred into Beauty

Is the shallow liquid
Tears or tea or tequila
And the viewer
Hidden in a nest

Of deeper imaginings
That is to say shallow
you smile and elbow on
As if this aligned with

Feeling that feeling that way
Sorry
Feeling this way
Pinballing your way here

Riccocheting off raw nows
to some any other numb now
where opinions leap filling
spaces with instant foam

At the mouth of who r u
again really still why
Aren't you quite weary
The soldiering on

I don't wish to be in
Your regiment or mine
This discovery Sublime
Capitals not mine

Young lovers feel the break of dawn,
In tender moments before day is drawn.
As darkness fades and skies turn gold,
Their love story beautifully unfolds.

In the soft embrace of morning's birth,
They find solace in each other's worth.
With whispered promises, their hearts align,
Young lovers' spirits intertwine.

They greet the day with love's embrace,
As dawn unveils its gentle face.
With stolen kisses and eyes that gleam,
Their affection paints the morning's dream.

As sunlight spreads across the land,
Young lovers walk, hand in hand.
Their laughter echoes in morning's light,
A love so pure, a glorious sight.

In the break of dawn, love finds its start,
Etching memories in their shared heart.
With every sunrise, their love reborn,
Young lovers embrace the new day born.

In the tapestry of dawn's gentle hue,
Their love story blossoms, fresh and true.
For in the break of dawn's soft kiss,
Young lovers find eternal bliss.

the scent of incense
hangs heavy in the air
the constant murmer of voices
comes crashing like waves
but your eyes meet mine
and the faces disappear
the voices die,
all that remains
is an unspoken invitation
from my lips
willing yours to kiss them
and yours happily
meet their request
leaving our love tasting
like oranges
tenderly plucked
from moonlight lips.

Swallow them down
Lumps of coal leaving dust in my throat
Cough once
Cough twice
Spit out black coal dust
Brush my teeth

In my chest
Or sometimes my stomach
The pressure builds

When I *****
And my stomach wretches
And my heart seizes

They'll climb back up my esophagus
Edges sharpened
Reflecting crimson gore
From the paths they cut as they came back out

If coal can turn into diamonds
Can my "self restraint"
Turn a bitten tongue into silver?

I cut my voice on diamonds
They looked like rubies when I spit them out