I thought healing was easy,
Growing and improving,
I didn’t know it was uncontrollably sobbing when I read my poems to people and binging on junk food,
But like I love to say “you must feel it to get over it” but
Who ever likes to really take their own advice?
I know it must rain for the flowers to bloom but I’m tired of being a bud

She wakes me up deep in the night.

I understand you, she smiles
snuggling into me, her nose,
pressed cotton soft on my cheek

I have no strength, I cry
not one, for you

I love your weakness
love you for your weakness
her breath wafts into mine

and the boy stuck in his age
floats in the web
of the girl forever
forgiving.

Is it really self care if I take another day off,
get ****** in my underwear and wait for the night to roll around,
**** a bottle then walk the town,

I thought sweet love poems was my thing
But nothing drips so smoothly from my chapped lips like the woes I leave scattered across my journals and notes
But I suppose I must revisit my past I set off again and again sometime
I might as well write it out

I can’t look you in the eyes
I can’t do my work
I can’t crawl out of bed for more than ten minutes at a time
My bones feel like paper and my skin feels like a jacket that’s two sizes too small and I can’t wiggle around enough to stretch it in the slightest
It’s like everything I once was oozed out of me all at once and I’m just a fleshy shell
I wish to regress to a simpler time
Say, being five and ignorant naturally
When all I was upset about was sharing toys or seeing my dad
I hate these big girl problems
The time it takes to heal
I want to get upset about dropping my animal crackers again then my punishment is taking a nap, I’m tired of feelin as if all I am doing is turning the wrong corner every chance I get, I didn’t think this is who I would ever be

My dryer recently broke out of the blue
Just stopped heating up
But I understood my dryers pain on such a deep personal level we bonded from that moment on
Except I didn’t break out of the blue I stopped heating up after you started to let other versions of you slip out
I stopped admiring how the light reflected off your once so utterly perfect face, I stopped sitting so close to you
Hugging you back
I stopped thinking you were the best thing I’ve ever seen and I started understanding every time I said it I meant it
“I love you more”
Really everything I did once upon a time
Almost made my stomach turn now
Like a dog in the night
You wait for me
Like a broken dryer I shake and rattle
But at least I don’t text other women