IdleHvnds

IdleHvnds 2d

Individualism
The pursuit of singularity —
We find ourselves sinking into loneliness on this path.
Erasure of the very idea that we need others.
Lost is the warmth of community, of reciprocity.
Destroyed is the environment for communal gatherings.
Built are the cubicles for each individual to stand alone.
Consumed by the power of technology.
We learn to tailor everything, even the lover standing beside you.
Heaviness grows, the whole in our chest never filling.

Individualism
The pursuit of singularity —
Each day we extirpate what’s around us for this chase.
Never realizing how important we are to each other.
The death of community, family.

#community #loneliness

IdleHvnds 2d

Four walls and a computer

I’ve lost myself to trauma,
forgotten is the little girl playing in the back yard
amongst the flower bed, daydreaming of a bright future
Lost is the social butterfly, making dear friends
ever so swiftly in the playground

When I found her, she has become introverted
no longer visiting the flora, trapped in spikes and barb in the back of her mind
too intimidated to enter a crowded space
flustered to interact with anyone new

Isolation the solution
forgotten of the hobbies and enjoyments of day to day
mindlessly pushing through the emotions no longer attached
to what was once loved
Numbness inhabiting the brain —
Lost of the need to intertwine ones self with others
no longer feeling closeness and safety within friends
Absent in believing in people’s altruism
words no longer carrying veracity
but only said for gain

I’ve lost myself to trauma,
and I don’t know if I will ever get her back.

#trauma #healing #lost #grief

IdleHvnds 2d

at arms length

I’ve broken my own heart…
I regret the self reflection, the realization of my own actions.
How I’ve come to be this lonely,
walking this earth with no one to care for me the way I wish to
so passionately care for others,
it’s like I am not allowed to have someone be
so completely tapped into me,
to understand me,

to have someone that truly allows me to be myself,
to love all of me.
No, I don’t believe there is someone out there for me.
I’ve been cursed to walk this earth alone,
to only be the carer not the cared.

All I’ve ever wanted is to have a glimpse into
what it is feels to be loved.
Have someone wrapped around me so tightly
whispering in my ear — I love you.

** for anyone following what I've posted thus far, These were written during a dark time of unemployment and solitude.

IdleHvnds 2d

What a romantic, am I right?

Hopeless Romanticism - is what ails me
this ever longing for a connection with another soul.
The festering desire to be loved, understood
I fear as a society we are lost
never able to tolerate the company of others —
too busy curating ones own life in a realm that is not tangible
in the act of curation we eliminate any chance
in experiencing vulnerability with another
the painting of a perfect relationship
lacks the connection we desire so much.
We remain at surface level with one another
no longer interested in digging deeper.

#love #romanticism

IdleHvnds 2d

the jester

I’m not very good at speaking of love,
I fear I don’t quite understand it.
You see — I hadn’t much experience in it.

But, I curse the desire that builds every day in hopes
of finding it, feeling it.
I long for the warmth it brings, the safety and comfort
I hear so many speak about, it, what I read about in fairytales.

My heart aches for some resemblance of it.
I wish to find someone to speak me —
Understanding the language of me,
who peers inside me, holds every pieces of me.

Cradles me, whispers to me —
I am loved, every fractured piece of me.

Oh, how I wish to know what that experience is like.
Perhaps, love is just not for me.

#love

IdleHvnds 2d

The teachings of flowers.

What do we learn from the teachings of flowers —
That one does not grow in poisoned soil.
In unfavourable conditions, we wilt.
But we can heal from the root,
When cared for and place in nourishing spaces.
We grow, sprouting new life.
The might stem, building stronger cells,
Your bloom becomes brighter,
Opening up to the welcoming sun.
We learn a lot from the flowers
One just need be observant of its teachings.

#flowers #nourishment #love

IdleHvnds 2d

The winner is...

Anxiety won…
The ever growing whirlpool
Beckoning me to be swept away ,
Slowly filling my lungs with doubt, fear and resentment
It swallows me whole,
Spiralling, further and further into nothingness.

Anxiety won…
I’m unable to pull myself out,
And I fear no one else is around to help me.

#anxiety