It's these days that **** me - the good ones:

when we get along and you laugh at my puns.

When it seems like we could work, and our interests align,

am I projecting or did you just give me a sign?

When you lean in to whisper an inside joke,

do you know how many feelings you just awoke?

I had them sedated by distance and time,

now once again I need you to be mine.

.

I tease you lightly and you crack a smile,

and my gaze lingers on yours for a while.

Whenever we talk, I tend to find

little similarities that seem bind us

- has it ever crossed your mind? -

the tiny barriers we leave behind.

I want to know even more,

to open every closed door.

The mysteries in your core,

all the details that I adore.

I want your secrets, whatever they are,

every dream, hope, and every scar.

Trust me, let me be who you need,

I'll be there even when you hurt and bleed.

Let flowers blossom from the seeds

of trust and care, above the weeds.

.

What's the matter, love? (The last word I don't speak)

You say it's just life, and no further I seek;

I won't ask more, lest I push you away,

when you're ready, I know you'll say.

I'll wait however long it takes,

I'll stop when you want to push the brakes.

For time is truly all I've got,

time, and this Fire, burning hot.

Fire, that could melt the ***,

all that is, and all that's not.

One day you'll see that that's a lot,

this red string in an eternal knot.

.

These silver cobwebs cannot rust,

the dewdrops on them sparkle just

in spite of all the charcoal dust,

and one day, I will earn your trust.

'S' is for Sorrow, 'S' is for Sadness,

today and tomorrow, driving me into madness.

'S' is for the Sweet Sound of your voice,

for the Seduction that gives me no choice.

'S' is for the Smiles you flash without thinking,

as I feel my heart inevitably Sinking.

The fresh Start I thought I could have

if I Stayed away, but I wasn't so brave.

'S' is for the Song my heartbeat sings,

so close, but not mine, and that Stings.

The Simmering feelings that just won't fade,

the truth behind my everyday facade.

'S' is for Silence, that cuts me deep,

alone, without you, and I can't sleep.

'S' is for Sunlight incarnate,

bound by a red String of fate;

a hunger only you can Sate,

my weakness, which I hate;

my Sanity - for that's too late,

this love has become innate.

You have me reduced to dust again;

signed my death sentence with an invisible pen.

Why were you there? I wasn't prepared

to pretend I'm cool and that I never cared.


Surprise attack: you called my name,

from behind my back, suddenly you came.

Your lips are moving, but my mind is one-track,

I was getting over you, why are you back?

But you have no clue - do you, my dear? -

Just what you do to me whenever you're near.

I maintain a facade of smalltalk mundane,

smile to you brightly to stifle the pain.

You're mildly bored, looking over your shoulder,

Polite yet detached, like ice, but colder.

An ice sickle stabbing into my heart,

cruelly careless, as I fall apart.

Then she calls you over - you have to go -

there are more people to which to say hello.

Who is she? I dare not ask,

Barely maintaining a carefree mask.

I have no right; like a homeless vagabond,

I bid you goodnight, as you go beyond

my sight, trailing a red-stringed bond.

I used to have hope, devotions ran deep,

would have given everything for you to keep.

Like clay in your hands, I could have been whatever

you wanted of me, but the answer seems "never".

Could have taken a bullet for you in a heartbeat,

and perhaps I still would, but this feeling must forfeit.

I'll get over you, I have my pride,

I'll look away, to the other side.

I've been acting like someone I don't know

irresponsible, weak, soft like dough;

I'm taking my life back in my hands,

I won't be controlled by my heart's demands.

A chemical cocktail I was drunk on,

it's time to get sober, the party is gone;

and as the night turns into dawn,

you will fade too: brown into fawn.

Chestnut into sand, for the wind to drive away,

time heals all wounds, only memories will stay.

And I'm not sorry, darling, for the poems that I wrote,

but I'm moving on, I have found an antidote.

I know now why you don't drink alcohol -

can't stand the competition at all:

You are a shot of spirits distilled,

the highest percentage, ethanol filled.


I may have had a brandy shot,

on an empty stomach, that's a lot.

I promised myself, never again,

but I saw you, unexpected, there and then.

I'm weak, I'm sorry, never good enough,

the truth, it hurts, it's course and rough.


And the taste of your indifference burns,

more than the brandy; my heart never learns.

I hate this, and I hate myself most of all,

I want to move on, not gravel and crawl.

To sleep, to forget, to finally rest,

not to think about what could have been best.

Verses find me in my sleep,

memories that go too deep.

Running from thoughts, I keep busy,

running from myself, until I feel dizzy;

Workaholic - almost free,

avoiding places where you'll be.

Because you've made it pretty clear,

kind and polite, but not always here.

Sooner or later, I'll move on,

I'll live, this pain will be gone.

You're perfect for me, but I'm not perfect for you -

time to face reality, I know that much is true;

Even though it hurts, like a chemical burn on bare skin:

10-molar hydrogen peroxide in comparison seems like a pin.

I promised I'd stop talking about you - I'm driving my friends insane;

so now I'm left alone, silent in my pain.

You make me want to be better, to reach for the stars,

igniting dreams I gave up on, healing old scars.

Nobody else is enough, whatever they do,

why can't I love another, instead of you?

I have no shortage of suitors - why can't I quit

this useless addiction, destroying me bit by bit?

I could be happy, if only I weren't stuck

on what I can't have, what's beyond my luck.

I need to travel, to get away far,

to another galaxy, find a new star.

Unfinished - my thread of thought breaks -

I'll forget about you - whatever it takes.