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Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I'm a gatherer, a humble being.
I dislike violence.  Only peace, I bring.
I herd people to see the light.
I gave up emotions and love for this right.
Evil fills the human race.
It'd be safer if they're all erased.
A maze I'm running through from which I can't escape.
A dream has captured me and I cannot awake.
The memories haunting all of my thoughts.
The key to my heart is forever lost.

These battle scars I have gained over time
show all my struggles and losses of what's mine.
I have not forgot
all the wars I have fought.
I recall all the pain
and the wisdom I've gained.
Sadly, all my work has been for naught
since I am now gone, the one who Death sought.
I am a lie,
a false entity doomed to die.

This is the last you'll hear of me.
After this I'll be forever free
from the pathetic, fleeting people
of this world called to kneel.
I came as a friend to change their mind,
but they wanted bloodshed not peace for their kind.

I am warning you of
the humans filled with evil and love.
Take our time and think things through.
I pass all my knowledge onto you.
You are the new gatherer.
Bring the truth to those who can hear.
You are a scribe but never tell,
or they will come after you as well.
I recall writing this poem after researching the atrocities people commit.  We all need to be saved.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I am something entirely different from what you know.
I am someone hidden behind a screen and lines of code.
You think you know me; you say you know my name.
but do you really know me?  You hide the thought with shame.
You do not know who I am.

You do not know what I look like,
my hair color, my smile.
You cannot feel the warmth it gives to those in need.
You cannot see my eyes.
The suffering in them, the pain.
Nor have you seen the horrors I have.

You cannot hear my words and what they truly speak.
You cannot see the meaning behind them and behind me.
But you can see my text and what the script conveys.
You read things at face value and furnish it not with your gaze.
You do not know who I am.

You do not know my gender,
my culture, my race.
You do not know what I know and have learned.
You do not know my cunning,
how I think and how I feel.
You cannot fully understand me.

I do not fully understand me, my feelings, my actions.
Can you subdue my thoughts for a second, but a fraction?
You cannot comprehend how greatly I long for silence.
Something, I am afraid, is impossible now.
You do not know why.
You do not know who I am.

There is a ringing, a never-ending sound
I am subject to listen to.
It was not my choice nor was it mine to make.
My hearing is slipping away,
as is my speech.
Soon, my own voice shall atrophy away.
All that's left will be these words
turned to dust.

You do not know my name, my gender, my race.
Nor have you ever seen the features of my face.
I am losing myself and will never again feel the comforts of silence.
Oh, how I long for it.  I long for what I have lost.
Taken for granted.
Forgotten.
Dust.


You do not know
who I am......
You don't know who I am, so here's a little about me hidden in a very real poem.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
This seems to be reality,
but I just want to be free
from all concern and all the hate
in this world whose doom is fate.
'**** me now,' I thought aloud
silently, not making a sound.
I place on my face of happiness
to shield underneath the emotional mess.
Hiding my pain in my soul,
it eats away, out of control.

I try to smile at all my friends,
but how can I?  In the end
we all will face our judgement day.
Shall I bring it closer or shall I stay
here with you, my love, my hope?
But I'm afraid I cannot cope
with any of life's problems.
I'm scared that I am one.

I shake my head and break a fake smile
when you say that I'm a pretty gal.
The truth is, I hate myself
and find it easier to fail than to excel.
Change the subject, don't put it on me.
I'm not the one who likes to be
the center of all attention.
When I speak, you can cut the tension.

When I daydream, I think of the future
and how it grows ever nearer.
When I sleep all I have are nightmares
filled with only horrors and jump scares.
When I awake, I shrug it all off.
"This is normal to me," I scoff.
My failures stare me in the face.
Some things you can never replace.
The joy in my heart has been devoured,
but I have more important things to think of this hour.
Like how I'll **** myself. Is it the right time?
What should I use?  Will it all be fine?

Headed to school the very next day.
Mumbling and cursing myself, I say,
"Good morning," and walk to my seat.
With a fraud grin, I stare at my feet.
Again, I wear my mask of happiness.
Thinking of death, I clench my fists.

Soon... very soon.  No one knows......
The reality and the everyday thoughts of a suicidal person can be confusing.
Some feel guilty, others are anxious, and some are filled with true happiness.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
I've always been a quiet person.
I keep my thoughts short and to the point.
I never thought words were important.
Now, I realize each one has meaning.
I couldn't talk, unable to breathe
whenever people would speak to me.
"Social anxiety" it is called.
It seemed I couldn't shake the feeling.
Then I saw you when I was lonely one day.
I now keep my mouth shut more often.
Afraid that I will say the wrong words,
I'm speechless when I'm standing next to you.

Your eyes a crisp green, your hair golden,
your smile as bright as the stars at night.
Your laugh is like the waves of the ocean.
Your angelic voice calming and sweet.
I can't think straight when I'm around you,
your charming effect overpowering.
I solemnly stop to think of love,
but I still dream of when we will meet.
It could be today or tomorrow.
I want to run when you look at me,
and I can't help speaking so softly.
I'm speechless when I'm standing next to you.

If I'd raise my voice, I'd be heard across the room,
but I think we must have some distance.
You'll never find me in your embrace,
a relationship that won't exist.
My mouth is sealed and I'll stay silent.
You don't even know who I am,
but a fire has been building inside me.
Never before have I felt like this.
This burning can't be tamed by others.
It's an unstoppable force.
It's in my core where my heart dwells,
but still, I'm speechless when I stand next to you.
The raging fire of youthful love with a shy girl and her crush.  This is my favorite romance poem I've written.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
My father lost his mind after losing my mother.
Before getting over his grief, he married another.
Now a drunkard, he hides away
keeping me inside with him day after day.
My new mum, as I'd call her,
hated the thought of Da abusing his daughter.
She wouldn't treat me as other mums would
and kept away from Da best she could.
I no longer believed in love,
and I prayed to the god I had heard of.

Into adulthood, I grew with a start.
I now bought the drinks to fix Da's broken heart.
The god others prayed to still didn't help,
and everyone seemed happy except for myself.
My new mum was growing older with age,
and we needed to find someone else to pay wage.
We were in debt and a large one at that.
After finishing school, I got a job and came back.

In this time of duress you came.
Nothing would ever be the same.
You soon appeared in all of my dreams
and haunted all of my memories.
I would go red whenever I saw you.
I didn't believe in love, but I will soon.
You showed me things I didn't see.
You discovered a new side of me.

But my father soon found out.
He began cursing and crying about
you stealing me from him.
He said he would never forgive that sin.
I couldn't let him destroy the only thing I've ever loved.
So, with bated breath, I pushed and shoved.
Mum separated us from our quarrel
and scolded me for my immoral
actions in speaking against him.
I couldn't believe she sided with him.
Finally, she sent me away.
Thinking Da was drunk, I behaved.

One day was harder than the others.
I sat in my room locked in by Mother.
We had been secretly speaking together,
but I hadn't responded due to the gloomy weather.
You came to my house thinking I was sick.
I had to think of something quick
or else Da would see you and fulfill his words.
I prepared myself for the worst.
I screamed and grabbed my only blade
and acted deathly afraid.

Hearing footsteps, I got ready to cry.
But my knife fell out of my hand and I
tripped upon seeing Da's caring, worried face.
Never had I seen him that way.
I felt my knife puncture and cut deep.
I cried and screamed as Da pulled it out of me.
He cradled me in his arms
and promised I would never again be harmed.

Blood stained my quivering hands
and a second time the door slammed.
You stood aghast upon seeing me
and tried to stop the bleeding desperately.
My vision grew darker and blurry.
I could tell you were beginning to worry.
That was the last time I ever saw you
I was surrounded by the ones I knew.
Slowly, in Da's arms, I bled out.
Loss would always fill this house.
A sad poem.  If you didn't like the rhyme scheme you might want to read it again as a story.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
You . . . you lied to me.
I didn’t know you wanted it so desperately.
Your hopeless desire to be free
Comes crashing down before your feet.
Now, I hope that you can see
All your delusions and conceit,
Your vanity, since you had never broken
A promise or secret spoken,
But now, please take this as a token
Of my shattered trust and heart dismayed.
By you, I have been betrayed.

My heart pounds slowly in my ears
As I think of all the fond memories I’ve had over the years.
I touch my face as my death nears,
But all that’s left is blood and tears.
And now, I’m faced with all my fears
And the scrutiny of all my peers.
Inside me, a rage awoken
By the abuse and insults spoken
Filled with such intense emotion!
They’ve never truly been afraid!
They don’t care how I’ve been betrayed!

I carried their burden and gave them protection.
So why, in return, have I lost their affection?
I stare at my opaque reflection
Asking myself this single question.
No one can achieve perfection,
But why must I suffer their rejection
Over and over with more voices combined
Than can be speculated by one mind?
Why am I alone and blind
With no help coming to my aid?
I lie still here, my conscience swayed.

I lie alone on the cold ground
Wishing hopelessly to be found,
Or to at least be rid of the sound
Of the darkness--weeping--all around.
With the status I am crowned
Comes dangers to which I am bound,
But by the honor to which I’m tethered--
However little, however weathered--
I won’t let a silly, feathered
Raven stop me and get in my way.
Yet, somehow, it led me astray.

It led me to you, a queer butch,
who longed for someone to love and touch,
And, as such,
I gave you my own hand to clutch
And let you use me as your crutch.
I never realized I hurt you so much
By forcing you to stay by my side.
I controlled and nullified
Your sense of judgment, worth, and pride.
But now all that I can say
Is, “Why have I been betrayed?”

You commit deeds without thinking.
You say strange things when going out drinking.
You ignore the chains around you, clinking,
Drowning you in your self-doubt, sinking.
You stare at the sun without blinking,
Blinding yourself from your world’s shrinking.
However did you fall so low?
But from the ashes, phoenix's grow,
No matter how painful and how slow.
You still confound me to this day,
But why, by you, have I been betrayed?

Your motive was to gain your liberty.
You want so badly to be free,
But I never owned you.  I only have me.
I depend solely on myself; wouldn’t you agree?
Or not because you couldn’t see.
You weren’t my slave by my decree.
A mysterious woman with lofty aspirations,
A raven in tow with never-ending patience,
And an elaborate configuration
Of this very time and day.
You’ve murdered me with a sullied blade.

No one’s free, that’s undoubtedly true.
For a fact, just look at you.
Locked in a maze you yourself drew
From cowardice, you stubborn shrew!
Watch with me the mournful sky, blue,
And the ebony raven departing, too.
You look at me with daggers for eyes,
Or what’s left of me as only a corpse lies.
I am left here listening to your cries
Of triumph and grief.  Why defile me in this way?
By you, I have been betrayed.

You’ve hit me with a fatal blow,
You and that oversized crow.
You relish in your success, though
Somehow, you faintly glow
Of sadness and you lose control
Of your emotions buried below.
You’re furious with what you have done,
Killing me, the only one
Who believed in you.  But it’s too late to run.
You cry to yourself, alone, afraid,
As the sins of my soul are being weighed.

You burned my home, my nerves are shaken.
My life and honor have been taken.
If you think you’re forgiven, you are mistaken.
As of now, my hatred has been strengthened.
My inner demons have awakened
As I have been forsaken
By the only one to show
Me love and cherish me, although
My faults are innumerable.  I want you to know…
I’ll never forget your betrayal.
You watch me bleed out, your face deathly pale.

You shout, frustrated, and break a sweat
Knowing you were forever in my debt.
You stumble on words and your own regret
While falling over my burnt chairs and ashen assets.
I whisper to you ghostly threats
And spectral visions make you upset
As you know I am someone who never
Forgets such an atrocious endeavor.
So, yes, you are in my debt forever
As now my trust has been decayed.
Your mind, my demons invade.

Your temper rises, your thoughts waver
As you think of how you can win back my favor.
Away from here, you’d be safer.
I don’t care anymore for revenge, now or later.
So leave here a life-taker,
A fool to stay as the perpetrator.
You may be a traitor but you have seen
The wrong of your actions obscene.
Therefore, I consider you clean
Of the crimes and lies you’ve made.
Slowly, away I fade.

Go!  Go now!  The night’s nigh over!
Soon the blazing sun will take over
And give everyone exposure
To the light, we need to come closer.
Take these words as your closure.
Think things through and be sure.
I no longer wish to conceal
My thoughts for you, bizarre and surreal.
I want you to know and feel
The warmth of the love for you I made.
No longer must you be afraid.

In the end, we all will die
So why do you sit there and cry
As the rain falls from a thunderous sky?
Let go and--like the raven--you too will fly.
Hurry to soar up on high
For I know the end is nigh.
Fly into the somber night.
Try your best to find the light.
Hold it close and hold it tight.
Perhaps others will follow my trail
As I have--not forgotten--but forgiven your betrayal.
Try to put yourself into the poem.  It's meant to be read as if you yourself are narrating it.  Feel the emotion.  I'm very proud of this piece.  It's undoubtedly one of my favorites.
Growly Wolfus Jul 2019
In the night's darkest hour
you will see the demon's light.
He will show you infinite power,
giving you eternal sight.
You will be blinded by
all the shining stars divine.
You'll no longer see the sky
as a branding sign.

This is how your story goes
a never-ending chain!
You've emphasized all your woes
filling yourself with pain.

Time, present, future and past;
nothing stops it from working.
As the weakest, you are last,
and you know you are broken.
Over all of time you grow.
You will watch the world unfold.
Ending high, but starting low.
Aging?  Never getting old.

This is how your story goes
a never-ending chain!
You've emphasized all your woes
filling yourself with pain.

The demon, it slowly spreads
consuming all of you.
Now able to see the dead,
you fear what will happen, too.
Death is soon upon you.
You'll be reborn a heathen.
You accept your fate.  You knew
you're already a demon.
You serve all the Devil's commands,
and now we meet the end.
Not caring what else happens,
soon we'll all be dead.
I wrote this from an eerie tune I created and made a song from it.  See if you can hear the somber music.
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