"You're a ******* *****"
My eyebrows shift every time

I hear it So often, but always different words

"You're such a ******* man"
Because I am honest? Because I don't care as I should?
Because I do what I want and have no remorse?

"You have a dudes mentality"
Did you just insult my intelligence or shall I be honored?
Is it because I play with the world or because I play with its pawns?

"You sound more like a guy than I expected"
But I am woman so you can't stand the man I am.

Whenever I must add new people to my life,
I feel that it is my duty to be my most likable version,
And because of that, I wear makeup, straighten my hair,
And lose myself in aesthetic immersion.

I feel better when I feel pretty,
And that breaks my heart.
I never thought my happiness,
Was such a simple and vain art.

when the first fire started to die,
man did not know how to save it.
if they touched it it burned them,
so it's heat and it's light
faded away.

i feel the way that dying flame felt:
helpless,
flickering out of existence
those around powerless to save me
without being burned.

Nothing good ever happened there
and all the bad energy of each memory
is still in the air.
I can remember every place
I parked my car to cry.
I can remember every miserable morning on my way to school
contemplating ramming my car hard enough into something.
Hard enough to stop the world
My mundane world.
Because every square inch of that town
reeks of my despair.