I was seven
I had run away
I climbed a tree high up in it's branches
Tall and reaching to the sky
I looked up and saw piece of heaven waiting for me
I reached for it. I leaped flying for one a blissful second
Then I was falling
Quiet as the wind on a summers night
I didn't wish to wake the world
I was falling blissfully in peace
I was seven but didn't wish to break the peaceful silence that I never got
It was just me
Flying in my mind
Reaching towards the safest place I had ever seen
But I hit earth and woke up in a place I didn't want to be again
I was back in my room
My parents had found me still reaching towards the sky
I haven't seen that place since then
I'm still waiting
Iv'e tried

Peace, falling, flying

Family dinner
Get to see family
Get to talk to people
Don't F it up
Talk normal
No the think you a disappointment already
Wear the worst make up ever
They already hate you
Don't talk what if you out youreslf
If you come out they will hate you more
Youre gonna be abused
Then your gonna run away and be homeless
Then youre not gonna get a job to pay for food
Then you DIE
Don't talk.

Fists balled in the lunch room
Music in my ear telling me to F it all
Friends yelling their disappointment
Rising rage and hate
Don't tell me to eat
Dont tell me what you think about my mental illnesses
They are mine and you can't dictate them
They control me
Zoned out
Punch her in the face
Laugh at her on the floor
5'9 best friend on the floor by her 5'2 short *** friend
Snapps in the face
Wakes up
Shes still yelling at me
Just wishful thinking
I didn't snap
I wanna snap
Im going to snap

Heavy is the crown upon the head of the queens of broken hearts and burning love
Heavy is the heart of the kings who lost the war

I don't know who i am
no i don't know who i am

I sit upon a throne of lies wearing a crown i didn't earn I stole this throne
And I will rule
I will be a God among humans
I will be the king among peasants
I will be the ruler they never saw coming

I don't know who I am
No I don't know who I am

I am the boy who will never love I am the boy who was never seen
I was the boy who killed himself to be the ruler he knew he was

Im a tall candle
I have a wick
I have a life

I light that candle to see
but as I do so my life melts away
it burns and melts

I was tall once
I was beuifule
I was warm

My skin has melted away
you can see the little marks left
you can see my wick in the middle

Im so broken inside
im so cut
im so burned
im so alone

i dont even know who I am anymore.
My personalaty has melted away into a pool of many others.
My name no longer belongs to just me.

I am a candle that once burned bright
but now is dead and cold
Im gone
melted away

sweet silent nothing
blank mind
no feeling
sweet dark bliss
no love no hate no pain no happienss
Dull
Grey
cold

Sharp
Deep breath
Color
Red
Pain
full of light
hate, happienss, pain
it all comes back for one sweet warm second

the its gone again in an instatnt

do it again
feel the light
feel the warm
see the color

Im not who i used to be

i want to stop
i have to stop
but i can't
this addiction brings back all the things that make me me

i dont want to be this

i want
i want to feel

Just a few more on they already rough skin
a few more cant hurt

Just a little deeper
feel a little longer

till it stops working
so you have to go deeper
It will help

no one has to know
no one has to see
its my own broken, ******, angry, hurt little secret

the way you look at me
while on the floor
with the bottle in hand

they way you look at me
while lying in the ****** tub
with the blade in my hand

they way you look at me
while tying the rope
around my neck

the way you look at me
while standing on the edge
so high i think i can fly

the way you looked at me
when I said goodbye
when you caught me
from the edge of that building
when i fell entangled in your arms

the way you looked at me
broke my heart