Another shot
Another cut
Another person
Another drug
Another day of numb
Another girlfriend
Another attempt

Just one more

You should "smile" more
Why do you always look so depressed
So I do
I smile
I laugh
I watch the world pass by me pretending
I smile
I laugh
I carve it into my face
I wish my poems came out the way my thoughts are in my head
It's all a mess
All jumbled up
Loud and harsh
Headache inducing voices that never shut up
The smile is disillusioned happiness
Smile
I keep smiling
I will smile myself to an early grave
With my actions
I no longer have any idea who I am
I list off my fake dreams and my fake goals
But I never believe I will live to make them a reality
I act fine and no one questions it
Im bitter and broken
Im angry and lost
I got sober for a while but thats when all the pain came back
I was clean for a while but thats when I could no longer take the internal pain
Pills
Potions
Blood
No longer happy
Overdose
But Im saved for one more excruciating day
Why can't you just let me die
Smile
Nothing happend
I'm fine
See im smiling
Smile
All your problems will be solved
I don't remeber what my real smile looks like
I'm so numb and empty
I just wish smiling wasn't a chore
I wish I could write my esseys the way I write my poems or books
I don't know whats so ****** up with my brain but thats ok
I'll just smile for one last day on earth
Im scared for any change though
The pain has become a fimillar feeling
I feel lost without it
I feel like of im not in pain I don't have a personalty
My mental illnesses have become my personality
I'm no longer a person just a problem
One last

My addiction is not to drugs or alcohol
Not to nicotine
No
My addiction is people
My addiction is wanting to fall in love
My addictions is no longer being able to fall in love now because i'm addicted
I'm addicted to you

Tiny little things
Pretty little things
Broken little things

Little me
1st grade me
Sitting on the swing
My best friend beside me
A pinky promise on a playground
A promise now long forgotten
A promise of friendship forevermore
A promise too soon broken

Little me
2nd grade me
Sitting on the slide
No one beside me
No more promises left to be broken

Little Me
4th grade me
Sitting on the swings yet again
This time it was me next to me
But it wasn't me
He leaned over and stuck out his pinky
He said he'd always be here
He'd never leave me

Little Me
5th grade me
Sitting on the swings
His hand in mine
An invisible person
An invisible friend
He has yet to leave
His promise left yet unbroken

Innocent Me
6th grade me
Sitting on the playground wall
Sitting there with him
Hes grey eyes
His short spiky white hair
His soft smile
His sad eyes
They were always sad
My only friend
His promise sits unbroken

Cut me
7th grade me
Sitting alone
A girl moos in my face
I laugh at her
My long hair falling in my face
Hi my name is Dory
She looked at me
I said go away
She sat down anyway
Where he usually sat
But I couldn't find him
His promise now broken in my eyes
I slowly forgot my invisible best friend

New Me
Broken me
8th grade me
Hi I'm the invisible friend
I now realize that he was me
He was who i'm supposed to be
I now know he never left
I now know his promise will be forevermore
He will never break it
I just found out who I was
I found out I was He

Little Me
Innocent Me
Happy me
Not Me
His promise never broken

Untitled
That Is what MY story is
My story has not a title
MY story
It has no title because it will end soon
I will wait until the last period is placed
I will wait till the cover is closed
I'm not ready to be labeled yet

I am an artist
I draw only with silver markers
I use only the color red
On paper thin skin
With wrists so sore and scared
From words left so unspoken
and Lies that saw the light

I am an artist
Crafting my own destruction
Using tools so beautiful
Like paint on a canvas
And silver brushes marking the smooth soft surface
I use the blooms of white flows now dyed red

I am an artist
Fulfilling my own dream
With swift marks
And Angry motions
With dark colors
And red paint
With colorful bottles of unknown origin
With liquid like gold
And dead mans poison

I am an Artist
Of pain and death

I am an Artist
Of which I am no more