Dear Dad

I hope one day you'll see this and I hope that day isn't too far away.

I remember when I was your little girl, daddy's girl. I loved you so much.

So much time has gone by. I've grown wiser, truth is I've always known I just pushed it aside. Blinded myself by the love I had for you.

I'm waiting for the day that I am proud to call you my father.
They day you stop lying and be the father I once knew.
Every day I feel like you apologize for something different.

Empty sorries with no meaning behind them.

Just stop.
Breath.
Love me.
Be real with me.

My heartaches Every time I see a young girl and her father.
Everything I'll never have.


These are merely suggestions I hope you take into consideration.

Sincerely
Your Angel.

How you fool everyone to think you're innocent and vulnerable is beyond me.

Playing victim is second nature to you.
**** with people's minds is all you good at.
I never gave you permission to **** with mine, you ***** me.
Play with people because of your past and your so called " trust issues "

You're no better than the person who did you wrong.

I crave to feel.
To return the love you give to me
And truly love you back.

I've blocked out emotion for so long for fear of getting hurt and disappointed.
And in doing so I may of hurt you.

Please believe me when I say this, I never meant to hurt you.
I'm not capable of showing you my love because I don't know how to love myself.
I didn't want to love you because I was scared that you wouldn't return it.

I'm sorry for confusing you, it's hard for me to articulate anything when my mind is as messed up as the people in power.

My head is a mess.
I wish there was a solution for this pain.

You used to be the solution until you became the problem.
I never thought you had it in you to pray with the Lord but walk with the devil.
Even though you broke what very little was left of my soul, I truly wish you the best.
My goal is to never treat anyone else the way you treated me.
I've cried enough tears, I just laugh at the pain now.

In a way you've made me a better person so I thank you for that and even though you've never asked for forgiveness, I forgive you.

Tell me, tell me how it's supposed to be.

Help me,
Guide me.

But instead you fool me, break me.

Feed me to the bloodthirsty hounds. They bite at me while poking at my insecurities, my flaws, my faults.

My skin is tearing and I'm afraid it won't be able to able to sewn together and to your standard.

In my vulnerable state I'm now begging for your help, love and attention.

But you, YOU are too engrossed in yourself to notice me, barely alive. Too selfish you are to give me a second glance or time if day.

I'm at a crossroads, contemplating between light and dark.

I'm too much of a coward to end so I put a mask on and face it.

Glass falls and breaks eventually.

Too flawed am I, like charcoal touching a blank page .
I feel unworthy of your time, I treasure every moment with you.
I love you, I don't know how to express it.

Truth is I'm scared, I'm scared to love you.
To love someone is for two souls to become one, my life becomes yours as does yours mine.
......
I'm ready now .
I fear you may not be.