One day, I will wake up with the dreadful realization that I have spent my youth following the rules of my strict, conservative, religious parents.
And despite my love for them, I will look back at my teenage years reliving one mistake. Dating a boy who used me.
I would have learned from that mistake. I would have grown form it.

But I will still look back, wondering why I haven't gone out as much. Why I stopped making friends. Why I never partied. Why I never did anything spontaneous. Why the night before dyeing my hair purple I decided to cancel my appointment so I could avoid facing the disapproval from my parents. Once again.

It is hard to be the child of a dyeing nation.
A nation that is glorified for pride and honor.
But where sexism and homophobia exists.

I will remain the brown haired girl that stays at home and studies on a Friday night. That spends her Saturdays reading books about the life she will never experience. Hoping that she dies before realizing that her life has been a waste.

I would like to let you go, but my mind is filled with thoughts of you. If I go a day without thinking of you, you appear in my dreams.

There is simply no escaping you.

You have full control over my life, and I proceed to live with you in
my memories, my hopes, my dreams.
Or perhaps they are nightmares? For I don't truly want to see you.

And so I ask, I beg, I pray
that You let me go instead.

I like seeing you happy
I just wish you shared that happiness with me

In my dreams
I see you vividly, as you follow me around.
I see your puffy lips, your small blue eyes, you brown hair that I could swear was ***** blonde,
I see your bushy eye brows, your straight nose, your imperfect skin.
In my dreams, I see you.

As I open my eyes
You disappear without a trace, and although I know
Your features, and I know them well. I can't place them all together.
Your face becomes the face of a stranger.
As I open my eyes, you cease to exist.

Where is the line between life and death? And why can't we just cross it whenever we want?
Can a person be on the line? Both dead and alive? Or neither dead nor alive?
Why are we threatened with hell when we simply want the pain to end?

When you left, I made a decision to get rid of everything you gave me
everything you touched, everything you looked at, everything you liked.
I burned the poems and tore the pictures and chopped off all my hair
But the essence of you was still surrounding me
I searched for your presence in all the object I owned but realized too late that you have merged our souls
with all the jokes, and all the memories, and all the unspoken words

When you left, you left a part of you behind.
You left a part of you in me.
So I cut my wrists, and thighs, and stomach.
And I cut more and I cut deeper.
Hoping that one of these many cuts would **** you before it got to
me



-FreeMind

She said she saw you in that hotel
and now I quietly beg her to take me there
never wanting to miss the opportunity of accidentally seeing you myself.
we drive by the hotel often and I can see you with my eyes closed, sitting inside the lobby I have never been in,
imagining you eating in a restaurant that only exists in my mind.
perhaps,
thats it,
you are just in my mind

Your cursed this day

I have read many books about military veterans
How they get war flashbacks
Stuck in a loop of PTSD
Consuming them

I too have PTSD
Flashbacks, but not of war
Of things You did to me, over and over again
And its consuming me... and I will fight it no more



-FreeMind

How long until I stop writing about you? Seeing you in my dreams?
Another year? Another month? Another day?
Or perhaps this is the last time...
That's a lie.
Even in death, you would be on my mind,
Lurking.
My biggest regret, and my biggest achievement.



-FreeMind

Three years have passed, and yet I'm still trapped inside your big, loving, suffocating arms.
And I still can't decide if I want you to let go, or hold tighter.
Truth is, I can breathe all the same. I just don't know if the air satisfies me anymore.

They will never understand what it's like
to be ruled by the Moon, controlled by the Tides.
My devotion has never been stronger and I present myself to them,
Beg the spirit of the Moon and Ocean to take me away

его присутствие для меня было как снег
для слепого человека.
я осознавала его существование
но все равно чего то не хватало.
для меня это было теплоты и уважения
которого я даже в юности не получала от моей семьи.
но почему то я все ждала и надеялась почувствовать это
от чужого мне человека...

sometimes I wonder what I would do if I were to see you again
would I run the opposite direction, or right into your arms?

I'd like to say that I never loved you, but the truth is, I didn't know what love was.
We create our own concept of love
based on our thoughts of what it is and what it should be.
We learn from our parents, from the books we read, from the movies we watch, and decide for ourselves what we want to receive.
I thought that to keep you happy I had to endure the emotional and physical pain you caused me. And in return you would buy me flowers, teddy bears, chocolates.
That was love.

But that's not what it is anymore.

Heat infused the atmosphere with the rapid movement of our bodies.
Kinetic energy that we created melted glaciers and moved mountains.
Inextricable even by saw, Our lips were constantly interlocked tightly,
Breathing each other in, because air became entirely negligible to us.



-FreeMind

Я не хочу умирать зная что ты ещё жива
ведь оставлять тебя одну в этом ужасном мире жестоко
я лучше сожгу его дотла чтобы мы смогли уйти отсюда вместе

Why do we struggle to accept our beauty?
Why is it so much easier to notice our own flaws?

мне не нужны открытки с твоими поэмами,
и шоколад можешь оставить себе.
Я просто хочу читать книги и жить в тишине,
одной

How can they judge me for loving you?
Keep calling it a sin, saying God doesn't love me...
How do they know? What makes them think that I am unworthy of Gods love?
If my love for you is unconditional, and God is omnipotent shouldn't Gods love be infinite like Gods power?
A God that does not love their followers is not a God I want to believe in
For Love should be praised For
Love is Love

i lost a piece of me in you
that i try to find in every boy i meet
reading them like books
i give the boring ones away
hoping to exchange them for something
that will bring me back to you


-FreeMind

I look at you and I see myself.
a sad, lonely, naive
version of myself

У моей любимой,
энергия солнца,
красота Луны,
сила земли,
и страсть огня.
Она нежная как воздушные облака,
любить её опасно.
Но она всё держит меня за руку и тянет меня к реки,
там нас унесет течения в Параллельный мир где мы сможем жить.
Вместе.