It's so hard,
to be the perfect daughter
to be the cause of their laughter
to be the sun in an endless black sky.
It's so hard,
to be a good example
to always be the shoulder to cry on
when all that you want to do
is just ******* die.

Sometimes I feel like I'm useless
like I'm dying
like I'm
            
              f
                    a
          ­              l
                          l
                     ­       i
                            n
                          ­   g
                                                               ­            down into an endless abyss that is housed in my mind.
But it's fine because I don't show that I'm falling apart;
I look like I am fine.
The truth is, however, I'm crying behind my laughter,
dying behind my smile.
I'm slowly fading,
disintegrating,
blowing away in the harsh winds
that whistle throughout
my empty mind.

How many words does it take to build someone up?
Maybe one, if you're lucky, and if you're happy.
Maybe more if you struggle to believe
that the compliments you receive are true.
Maybe more if you believe that you're incapable
of being
loved.
Liked.
Missed.
But I wouldn't know,
I've no experience.
And how many words does it take to break someone?
This, I can answer with certainty.
It only takes one well-placed word to break someone's mind,
to lose someone,
and that word?
Well, that's
goodbye.

Welcome to the new year
Another year of pain
Of tears
Of trying to be the example
That your siblings look up to.
Another year of depression
Another year of anxiety.
Another year of trying to hold everything together.
But welcome to the new year,
And I can only hope that it will be better than the last.

I realize that you probably hate me.
Don't worry
I hate me too.
You say that you don't,
but I see the anger, the sadness, the disgust
that lives and thrives on the lies
that are told, either for the
protection or self-gain of those who tell
them.
Your disgust thrives on my flesh,
eats into my bones,
leaches into my brain.
Shatters me.
I realize you hate me.
Don't worry
I hate me too.
I draw on my wrists with silver
but
it
comes
out
red.

When is it all right to let go?
The waves of despair are so
Strong, they force me under the
Water of my own heavy tears.
Why does no one hear my desperate
Cries for help to survive this
****** up life?

We are us.
We are corrupted.
We are human beings.
We think that we rule the world.
We don’t.
We say that we’re better than everyone else.
We’re not.
We think that we were meant to establish dominance.
We’re weren’t.
We say that we’re just kidding, that we didn’t mean it.
We do.
We think what we don’t say, and we say before we think.
We were meant to be kind to others, no matter how far it got us in life.
But we’re not.

I say that I’m fine
With tears streaming down my face.
I say that I don’t need anyone
While I’m reaching for you.
I say that I don’t need anything
From anyone,
But that isn’t true.
What I need the most is for someone to listen,
For someone to care.
What I need the most is someone like you.
How am I to tell you?
When I am afraid,
When I am reluctant,
When I don’t know what to say?
When I can’t form the words necessary?
When it’s stuck in my throat?
When I’m too nervous to say anything?
But you see through my front.
You see through my excuses.
You see through the lies
That I told to protect myself.
You see through all of the slanted truths
That make up the armour that I wear.
You discern the truth from the fallacy,
And I thank you for showing me the light
In the darkness.

What happens when you’re dying, and
you still have tasks that you need to complete? You fight harder to live.
You fight for your friends, your family, your love.
You fight for those who can’t fight for themselves.
You fight for the helpless.
You fight for the joyless.
You fight for those who don’t know how to fight.
You fight for yourself.
How does one fight for oneself?
You carry on, no matter what happens, no matter
what you do.
You must carry on.
Ultimately you die fighting for something too
far out of your reach.
You die searching for the one you love
or doing the things that you enjoy.
You die content, or you die incomplete.

My body is a bird
Too broken to fly
My mind is a fragile leaf
Hanging on ‘til it can’t anymore
You don’t understand
People scream at me
Shout at me
Screech at me
And there’s nothing I can do
People cry for me
They’d die for me
But I can’t do the same.

A
Rain
Drop can
Be a god’s tear
Shed on humanity.
It can be more poetic
Then a saturated sunset.
I’ve always loved the rain.
It trickles down, soaking skin,
Hair, and clothing. It hides our
Secrets, our pain, and our fear.
And we love it for that. But,
There are some who hate
It for the same
reason.

How many times have we waited
Waited and watched
For someone to notice
That the smile we practice
For hours is fake?

How many time have we watched
Our lovers,
Our friends,
Our family
Leave us to the demons in our head?

How many times have we waited
For someone to care
That we’re not there
To laugh and
To smile?

How many hours did we practice
Looking fine,
Looking excited,
In the mirrors that never showed the
Whole picture?

Because they never do.
Pictures and mirrors never show
What’s inside the mind.
If only they did;
Then we’d all be fine.

How many times were we asked
‘Are you alright?’
And how many times did we say
‘Everything’s just fine,’ but,
In reality, we were dying inside?

How many times did
Everyone pretend to care
That the light on the inside
Was hardly
Ever there?
~A.L.W.