Find someone else
To gaslight into insanity
I have no vitality
Left inside me
Lost myself entirely
As long as I have my family by my side
I’ll find myself
In them I’ll confide

They wear tissues in their ears
As I speak from my heart
Butchering my feelings
Into useless crumbs
I feel so unimportant
I waste my breath
If it’s not about you
You couldn’t care less
I listen to every detail
To help as much as I can
But why does no one hear me
Do you hear me
Please someone hear me
Please
My skin is turning inside out
Would you be able to see better
Can you see me
You never will.
Their Ignorance will **** me

A year ago today I tried to take my life
Placed rocks on my body
To stop me from floating
Looking up to the surface hoping
I’ll go quick
But each second felt like a minute.
Sunk, fearless.
Listening to the pipes
Underwater I thought I’d hear less
But my thoughts were louder than ever.
They blocked out the sounds of my brother crying to my dad over a broken toy
I couldn’t do this to them,
They need me more than I need myself.  
I guess I’ll live another day.
But my thoughts are so loud.
Static.

Marble floor
Oven on
Shattered plate
Cracked tile
Stick n' poke
Rusty teapot
Poison air
Crooked table
-
you can have one nice thing, one happy smile, and everyone thinks your life is perfect. its beautiful don't get me wrong. when i imagine everything i worded it brings comfort. though the oven on reminds me of Sylvia Plath.

Watch the kids from the pantomine
Lollop in a ring
The one hiding behind the scene
Plans to cut the rope
Chandelier landing in the center
Toes crumbling falling apart
Screams fly like sparks
But they can’t stop skipping
Would you rather not speak or die
Id die if I couldn’t say what’s on my mind.
Though I don’t really talk anyway I write that’s what I do
I’m silly, would you rather not write or die.
Not know a love language or die

Will it be too late for you
Will I be happier
Looking down.
As people who looked down on me will look up
Where I gained my broken wings.

You gaslight me into insanity
I’m not flattered by your vanity
Truth from distortion
You can’t deceive me
It takes a shattered mind to see
A white rose bleed.
Don’t you wonder
Don’t you sonder
First step possession
Second step control
Third violence
Don’t manipulate
Don’t guilt
I’ll hurt you more
sink my teeth in deep,
quench out the fluids in your brain
You won’t sleep.

Standing here
In the mist
Black tar flowing towards me
Blood and sweat dripping from my lips
Blood and tears from my eyes
Blood and infection from my heart
Venom from my veins,
dripping from my fingernails.
Shaking on the inside, flesh bubbling,
Skin still like stone.

Every time I hear a car outside my window
I think it’s you
My stomach churns.
I wish the whole year was erased
I wish I stayed home with my sister
I wish I was in her arms
I wouldn’t be suffering
I wouldn’t be punching my screen
I wouldn’t be dying inside
You’re killing me.

I start to fall
& he spits on my soul
Heart turns to stone
I’m all on my own.

All on my own
Solitude owns my spirit
I’d hold your hand
But I couldn’t go near it
I’m scared to love you more.
I’m scared of feeling sore.
Though I think I can handle it,
I’m lacking the will to feel anymore.