Someone out there is waiting
To give you a hug.
Show you that there is more
Than just pleasure and pain.
If it didn't work in the beginning
there is a chance to go on.
Build memories on concrete
Instead of on air.
You don't have to believe
in promises made with broken string.
You can't play on a stage
After the curtains come down. But there will be another show
a chance to do things right.
someone cares that you weep
Late at night as you lie in bed.
Fighting against the will
To give up everything you need
Trying to be strong
you can't afford to let go
Of hope that it will be okay.
One day you will find someone
that lets you grow into you.

I waited
Through the stormy weather
I waited
as the grass grew and became greener
You can't argue with that,
I did wait.

You wanted
a rug to wipe your shoes
You wanted
A punching bag
You wanted
Unconditional obedience.
All those things you wanted I will never be.

I loved.
You with all my heart
You never
Showed me you cared.
I loved.
Even though it broke my heart
You never
Held me when I needed you.
I loved.
Being the girl you had.
You never
Called me your own.

In the glow of satisfaction
after we are spent from passion
I watch you dress up
You button your shirt
One at a time.
Am sorry to see the expanse of chest go
We talk
About what you want
You tell me you're addicted
To everything about me
Don't mind being a Slave
To my every need.
I hug you
Try to fit myself as close as I can
Hoping to block out the loneliness
you are like a healing balm.
I wish you could stay
Hold me close all night.
Cover my face, palms, shoulder
with drops of little kisses.
I want you to stay
some night, every night.
with you am losing the pain
I like how you invade me.

I want you to remember,
That day in December
When we went away together.
To spend time with each other.

We were miles away
From everything that needed to be distanced
I needed to be with you,
You wanted me.

We took a picture together
In a cafe where strangers leave a mark
To show they were here
Nowhere and somewhere.
If someday we lose each other,
Remember to come here
I will be watching
I will be waiting.

You could be happy with some other girl,
but instead you're sitting at my porch waiting.
I don't want to get the door cause am scared.
What if we don't work out?
I know am supposed to give this the benefit of the doubt.
But cut a sad eyed damsel some slack.

I don't wanna run before I walk, leap before I look.
what if it's the last coherent thought I have?
I have loved you once before and lost myself.
All that remained was a mess that you helped make.
I have heard it all before, the endless lies and empty promises.
You aren't going to change, you never did before.

I want to run somewhere far away where you won't come looking.
I need to clear my head, I need to breath again.
You are haunting my dreams and reality.
I can't go down the roads we used without finding your shadow.
You're a part of the pain I know, you rest on the burden I carry.

I don't want to open my door, I don't want to start this cycle again.
It ends at the tip of a precipice, where push comes to shove.
I want to start over, I want to erase the moments we wasted loving.
It's a bad idea to dream, even worse to be in the same space.
You could be happy, If you just left.

With each whisper, you draw me out of my shell.
The words that lull me to let my guard down so you can reach me.
You let me know there is something you see,
The reason why you keep trying to get in.
I sting you with my words and insecurities.
You soothe me with words formed of love.
Even when I push you away, you come back and hold me.
That is exactly what I need.

It was a classic deception
One that wasn't easy to tell
You see the lines were blurry
Between truth and lies.
I fell for the velvety feel
Of perfection just how I needed it.
He knew what I needed
and delivered it dressed up
Just the way I liked it.
Classy,  irresistible, perfect.
I thought this was it
The beginning of the end
Everything exactly as it should
until the layers began to Peel
Coat after coat of trickery
Beguiling my senses.
The mist began to thin
And I could see
Exactly what you were
A serpent of exceptional skill
You led me on a merry chase.

You were this close to breaking,
And I helped add the last crack.
After that everything else crumbled.
The smile you saved for good days,
The love you shared even if it hurt you.
The promise to hold on.
You couldn't take much more,
especially when you felt alone.

I should not have let go of your hand.
I knew you needed the strength.
In putting myself first you felt alone.
All those times I walked away,
The pain of nails keeping you away intensified.
You were mine to protect and I left you alone.
And now you're broken,
Your spirit scattered as shards.

I know you're lying awake.
Thinking of moments you held me last.
Your heart quickens its thump,
As you remember me touching you.
We lay together in the dark so much,
Holding hands and watching stars.
That was when we fell in love.
Somehow our souls recognized each other,
Now I need you to breathe.

I wither and die as I sit by the phone,
watching,waiting and hoping you will call.
Just today, be the one I need to hold my hand.
Act like you want to have me near, and not let go.
My resolve is wearing thin, my faith wearing down.
I need my lover to have my back.
Lately I feel like you aren't here.
Even when am next to you, you look through me.
You are full of pain and hot blades of rejection.
Why can't you just open up like a children's book,
letting me enter your enchanted world,
where you and I are in love again.
Just today, tell me you love me,
even if only for a while so I can smile.
write me texts and call to hear my voice,
lay me down on a wishing well so I can hope.
Talk to me like you care, like you always did.
Stay with me like you never left.
Just today, love me.

Its been a hundred days,
I cant say I have kept count.
Its a little hard to hold on to reality when what feels feel falls apart.

Its been 100 or so hours. Honestly the days and hours seem a little too familiar.
they are on first name basis already.
I can't say what bothers me more.
That I can't remember, or don't mind not remembering.

When did this become an easy to forget thing.
A thing where I don't care whether you are here or not.
It took forever to get you out of my head,
I didn't even realise I was doing it till I realised I didnt care.
Here. There. Together. Apart.
It all felt the same.

Its been a minute. 100 minutes.
Not that am counting, I don't see the point.
It was just clear I couldnt wait to start my new life,
those plans didnt involve you.

I hope you dont take it the wrong way but for me its over.
If i did this it would be because I don't want to be alone.
I was alone with you anyway.
Just so we are clear it is your fault.
You did this to us. Now I am past your crazy and aint no turning back.

I want to know you
Like the back of my hand.
Trace the lines of your face
And etch them into my memory
Like an ink painting on canvass
mapping you perfectly
As curves and lines so fine.
I see you when I close my eyes
Kissing me
Touching me
Loving me.
There isn't anywhere
I would rather be
Than in your arms.

This is what I think I want;
A heart that's mine,
Longing to love me and hold me.
I want to watch your eyes light up,
when you see me passing by.
I need you to chase after me,
because you forgot to hug me goodbye.
To tell me this is real,
and you don't want to lose me.
Tell me its okay to cry,
I don't have to do it alone.
Cause you will hold my hand,
and listen to my sorrows.
I want to lie next to you,
and hear you catch your breath;
when I run my fingers through your hair.
I want to catch the shift from sated to desperate.
Take me as you want, I am yours.
Love me recklessly, I beg.
I want someone to call in the night,
Just so I don't feel alone.
Someone to whisper that they miss my smile,
Even as I smile over the phone.
I want to belong to you,
Like you belong to me.
I need you to need me.

I drifted into love today,
Falling ever so slowly .
Drowning ever so helplessly
As i look into your eyes.
Searching for something i can not name.
Do you love me like you did before?
I hope to hear your soul call out to mine and join me in an embrace.
where i lose myself in you.
I need you to keep my head up,
When nothing makes sense.
I want to take a day and just lie in your arms listening to your heartbeat.
With my head on your chest, your fingers running through my hair,
I want to feel you close to me.
I long to feel my breath sync with yours as our hopes and dreams merge.
I miss you, everything about you
That made me love you.

I let you see me.
Not just my hair and clothes but all of me.
You saw into me and underneath my facade.
My insecurities and scars.
You told me I was perfect.
You're a liar.

How could you take that intimacy and turn it into an instrument of torture?
Did you wake up mean and cruel or maybe I just ignored the signs?
That you were shallow.
And you only cared what your friends thought.
You're a liar.

You wove beautiful fantasies of you and I eloping.
You told me I was in line with your destiny,
You were open and persuasive,
I fell for every bit of it.
I forgot.
That you're a liar.

I thought you had more to offer,
A life of happiness together.
But you're all wrong for me,
Someone else's model trying to make me into something less than I am.
I should never have tried.
Cause you're a liar.

The first time we said hello,
It brought me close to joy.
I remember falling for you,
You were all i needed.

The last time we spoke,
Is when i last felt alive.
You were everything to me,
Even though i didnt know you.

Everytime i close my eyes,
You are all i see.
Cant you see i miss you?
I feel so lost without you.

Today I felt it,
the fire in my veins that burns for you.
I wanted more and more.
You gave me you and I couldn't get enough.

Today we became one.
My soul coming apart as it met yours.
I shuddered to feel so close to you.
I was yours and you were mine.

I tried to walk away but you held me,
and I was undone when I looked into your eyes.
You were everything I wanted,
I  wanted time to stop for us.

Today I fell in love again,
You kissed me and I melted.
I love you more than ever.
Just don't ever let me go.

It's day 67 and I don't have you.
But am not falling apart.
Cause 279 days ago you swept me off my feet.
I thought I had found my soulmate,
The person I would spend my life with.
Instead you turned out to be a fluke.
You abused me and used me,
Spun me a web of destruction and pushed me off the edge.
You turned me into someone I regret.
Someone i look into the mirror and cringe from.
I don't want to be the girl who forces you to be in my life,
Or the girl who makes you leave.
You give me no choice.
I have to push you or be hurt.
I choose me.

I was there when it started
This pact between the sexes
The ceasefire and marriage
a union blessed by the heavens.

I walked the path
Well trodden by man
faithfully followed by woman.
He promised to protect,
She promised to support.

What was left unsaid
was she expected to be loved
He needed to feel strong
She wanted a romance
he thought he would be obeyed.

That's where we got it wrong
We all need the same thing
Someone that can listen,
in different ways.
We were meant to live
Together in peaceful union.

I built my life on a pack of lies
Some a little shaky, others bold.
Shimmering changing lies
Defining me as they unfold.
Painting me in flourishing colors
So that i appear
As i wish.

I want to know what you feel
when you hold me
At night under the stars.
Does your heart beat fast?
Like a bass drum?
Or like a clickety clack train engine?
Do you catch your breath
In silken webs of time
And hold on to you and I.
Does it feel like magic?
Everytime our fingers intertwine
It's everything beautiful
That comes alive
When you and I collide.

This Valentine's
All I have are my hopes
Of what could have been a great day.
Waking up in your arms
Listening to music with you
Singing along together off key
As you smile at me.
I want roses and chocolates
A romantic date under the stars
Champagne as we talk
Listen to the birds chirping.
Walking barefoot in the grass
Being cheesy as we want
For that would be love, right?

Instead I get to be alone
Watch movies by myself.
Think of you not here
and cry because am so sad.
All I really want is a proper Valentine's.
With you and me and love
Cherishing each other
because that's love.

It's been a long day,all I want to do is to run into your arms and hug you. I need to hold you and let go of the day's weight on my brittle shoulders. I am hoping you missed me and can't wait to be with me too. As soon as I walk into the door your questions start. They cut through my walls and leave me trembling on unsteady legs, my hands protecting my plummeting heart.Who was he? why did he drive me home?
I try to explain but you hear what you want to. You push me further and further away with your hurtful words. I tremble and cower, your harsh blows break the yoke of the world on me. I whimper and beg, It feels so cold out here where you left me when you walked away. I hold the pieces together with my bundle of nerves, frayed at the edges. I am lost.

I want to be alone
without feeling so empty
sit by myself and think
about the past and the future.

I want to sit outside
in the cold night air
reflect on the stars and sky
see myself in the constellation

I don't want to be alone tonight
in this large cold bed
thinking that i would rather lie
in your arms and just stay.

I want everything and all of it
to walk with you and not alone
to be with you and know
you are mine and i am yours.

I miss you
And how it used to be.
Long night walks
Tender brief  shy embraces
On the porch in the moonlight
calls that go on and on
Where we say nothing
and yet it means everything.
holding hands as we talk
sharing sweet kisses
Intoxicating in their feel.
we were so happy
It was surreal.
Those were the days I believed in love.

You saved me,
From my destructive self and hormonal imbalance.
From intrusive people and ruthless ideas.
You were there,
to tell me to open my eyes.
To push me forward when I almost gave up.
You said I should think before I act,
So I never learnt.
You took away my mistakes and experience.

We go back and forth
Traveling the same paths
Visiting conversations already had
Looking for another ending
different interpretations
Seeing things from a fresh view
Maybe we will discover
A way to dance round this
Find peace among shards
Maybe there is love
Or we are holding on too long.

But you see me,
even when i close my eyes
when i forget my face.

And you know me,
even when i don't know who i am,
when i forget my name.

You hear me,
even when my words get stuck,
when i forget my voice.

You find me,
even when I am lost
when i forget my way.

You feel me,
even when i am numb.
when i forget my senses.

You love me,
even when i am a mess
when i forget myself.

She says she tripped
She always says she did
Down the stairs
Knocked her head against the door
Even when we call her bluff
She sticks to the story.
It's the only way she knows
To cope with the pain
He hits her everyday
It's sad to watch her cry.

She thinks it's too late
No one can ever help
Not strong enough to testify
Besides who would believe?
an upstanding citizen to be a wifebeater?
He threatens to take away
The little ones if she ever tells
She cowers in a corner
Fearing for her life.
She loves her kids.

He's got her brainwashed
that he dragged her out of hell
She should be grateful
no one ever will love her.
She believes him
No sense of self worth
She thinks she is lucky
She must defend him
He only wants to make her
Happy as can be.
And so she lies everyday.

I know you want my blessing.
No ******* way!
Should i box up what I feel and smile?
Become bffs with your new girl?
I can't forget you that easily,
You who made sweet love to me.
You stole my heart the first time you smiled at me.
That sweet alluring smile that teased me to come out of my shell.
I was lost before you started to love me back.
You gave me everything and asked for twice that.
I can't walk away from us,
As easily as from a pet.
You were my life.
I want you gone,
I will not be happy for you.

Daddy walked out on us when I was 6,
It really broke my heart.
I was supposed to be his little girl,
He called me his princess.
He built me castles and bought me ponies,
Taught me to sing and dance.
I thought we had forever,
But that never lasted a moment more.

Daddy has another daughter,
Prettier and younger than me.
He carries her around,
It breaks my heart.
He was supposed to be my daddy,
But somehow I don't see him here.
Holding my hand,
Taking me to school.
He doesn't love me anymore.

Daddy said I can share a room with his other girl,
But I don't want to.
He was mine first.
He doesn't come to see me anymore,
It's all my fault.
If I had been good he wouldn't have left.

Somehow I find myself here again,
At your mercy.
Will you embrace me or shun me?
Draw me close like a wrap you wear.
You and I fit like pieces meant to be,
The dot to my words,
The need in my soul.
I call to you,
You echo back my cries.
And it all makes sense,
We fit like a picture puzzle.

I don't want to feel alone
In this big wide world
Where everyone walks
Their own paths
And no one has Time to wait
For someone that is lost
And trying to find the way home.
I don't want another day
Trying to find who I am
and what I want.
If only it could be clear
What I should have
then I wouldn't see empty space
in the rooms you fill.
Aching for something more
hungering for a purpose
A reason why am here.
Am I the fixer? The listener?
The one that does great things?
If only the pain could stop
Of being so alone.

I find myself addicted,
Hooked.
Drawn in.
To your words and presence,
I can't bring myself to leave,
You have me bound to you.
Might be the promise of days to come,
Or how time loses its edge.
It is minutes or days when we talk,
I lose count of the moments we share together.
There is nowhere that I yearn to be,
except here.
I am lost and yet feel like I belong.
I am halfway to euphoria,
Held back by the allure of you.

The last time i hugged you,
You held me so tight and breathed me in.
I felt cherished, i got tingles.
I wanted to build myself a nest
Right there in your arms.
You let go.

I felt the loss of something i didn't even know,
Escaping from my heart and soul.
I know you needed it,
The soothing balm from my hug,
Like i needed to hear you breathe,
Listening to what you feel.
I need you to need me,
I always have.

You break my heart each day,
with a little silence and callous thoughts.
Do you think of me sometimes?
With a secret smile and warm heart.
Or do I sit by myself in solitude.
Wishing you will come tonight?

I lose my mind to you,
Moments i wish to have side by side with moments already shared.
I am helpless and alone.
Burning in agony of your absence.
I remain here lost,
Hoping you will be mine.
But it is a worthless thought,
someone that doesn't care for anything but himself won't love me
the way I need to be loved.
So I will lose my heart and happiness.
In loving you.

I remember when I used to read to escape,
Losing myself in words that laughed and danced and played.
I was young.
I found a life I could stand.

I remember falling asleep with my head buried in a book.
I dreamed of heroes and heroines.
I guess fantasy made a better bed fellow.
I built my notions of romance at her footstool.
Falling in love the surreal dream come true.

I remember writing my first lines,
I couldnt tell verse from paragraph.
I wrote myself a lifeline.
Wove something that wasnt ugly or tainted.
I had something to bleed out the pain,
With ink stains instead of bruises and cuts.

I remember trying to change my story.
No one told me however good you write you can't do your own story.
So am peering out of my fears and thinking what good is this gift if all it does is create a bridge to run away but I end up smack in the middle of where I left?

It has been a while
since I first saw your face
and since I saw you last
you had me dancing to
the tune of your charm
walking on featherlight feet
barely touching the ground.

I still feel the emptyness
left by your essence
you filled the space around
and now am alone.
hard to face the truth
that you are forever gone.

I buy your favorite flowers
lay them by your grave
walk your favoured route
and feel you by my side
then am not so alone
your touch on my shoulder in the sun
your kiss on my lips in the wind
your desire in the storm
though you are gone you are here.

I want the kind of love that's seen in movies.
Where you sweep me off my feet in a whirlwind affair.
I want you to serenade me with coldplay songs and buy me roses to apologize for hurting me.
I want you to run all the way to my place in the middle of the night just cause you realized you can't go another second without me.
I need you to tell me what you feel without holding back.
But guess it's meant to be a whimsical wish,
You just don't care enough to make me happy.

If only I had met you earlier
just a little earlier
My heart would have been
yours to wear on a sleeve.
To do with as you please.

If I had been born a little later
maybe I would be her.
The girl you get to carry,
Love and adore as daughter .

If we had another lifetime
I would find you am sure
And make you mine
To cover your lips with kisses.

But am only human
one heart, soul and mind
Although it's being split in many
every part of me is yours
To command as you will.

Even in the silence
In the stillness of night
I feel you near like a ghost
Hovering and watching
Waiting for me to pick up the phone
maybe I will, maybe I won't.

In the dawn of a new day
I feel the echo of your touch
a light caress on my arm
Pulling me closer
I love to snuggle in your embrace
Especially in the cold air.

In this crowded room I lose you
You're not for me to share
For I had you and held you
And now all that remains
are shadows of what you were
Light and unreal and cold
The silence chills me to the bone
I can feel it in your resolve
you're not mine to keep
in the warmth of my heart.

Don't tell me to let go
Cause you don't understand
The sacrifices I have made
To be here with you.
Stop for just one second
Did you love me at all?
Or were you just a spoiled child
going after what you couldn't have?
Don't try to spite me
Let's not pretend you care
If I go off the rails
And overboard with this rage.
You did this to me
Broke me in small pieces
Gave away all I cared about.
I hate you even more than before
Drowning in the pain
The water rising above my head
Can anyone hear me?
Am losing myself
You're killing me inside.
So am dead to the goodness
You did this
And now your dancing on my grave.
Am but a ghost of who I was
You ****** out my life
And left this shadow that's not real.

Who I am falls apart, when you're here.
I can't think straight, I don't want to.
You make me see things different.
I lose myself in you.
You're in every corner of my mind,
Chasing memories of when I was with you.
I look into your eyes and beg you
To take me.
I'm trying to find a place in your mind.
Where we can lie and fall in love.

When you said you loved me,
I didn't think you meant it.
But now I see the little things you do for me.
I know you think am heartless,
Leaving you out in the cold.
I just don't know how to love you,
It's been a painful many years.
Am trying not to push you away,
I can't let you close.
Don't you see am broken?
I need some time and space.
I'm trying not to love you.
I can't trust my own heart.
I need you to hold my hand,
Am doing my best here.

The bonds forged in pain
are real.
Laced with the spirits
Of suffering and despair.
breaking the cycle
Is something that never happens
For the bonds are reinforced
When we give someone power
Over our emotions.
You need to open the cage
And soar on your own.

I watch you jump
Take a swan dive into the ocean
And know it's over.
You have conquered fear
gravity and life.
What more can't you face?
I am mere mortal
Not an immortal goddess
When you have lived among
The gods.
You can not feel content
With the normal.

What is that anyway?
Someone that laughs at jokes
Or one that has walked through the fire
And come out scarred
but whole.
With experience and spirit.

its pretty hard to watch the light go out
someone disappointed in you
who once thought the world of you.

no one is perfect
you put me on a pedestal
can't you see am human?
walking on the ground.

let me be me
a diamond rough round the edges
taking my time
getting where I belong.