It's a strange feeling dating someone knowing the arrangement is impermanent and that they will indeed be gone at some point; feels like a sick immoral joke to be playing with my heart, but
it's important to realize that I'm not in control, not even in matters pertaining to a perceived spiritual bond.
But it doesn't mean that I won't try
again and again
and again and again searching for something I don't even know what like a dog looking for its master.
Let me be free

Thank god there's no afterlife
Just nothingness

No more hoping or praying
no more dreaming

No more people,
You just go where the worms go when they die
The ultimate Justice,
The last laugh for the mocked and ridiculed
Paradise away from you ******* ****

the serial killer speeks

and he listens to Debussy,

and red handle in the stairwell,  a knife to the back  and a single sigh.

the moon is bright tonight,

and the shoveled snow
makes a puddle in the driveway
which seaps to town.


3 nickles on the windowsill, half a call to your shadow.

''I want
to dance''

She dances and it's beautiful.

if only there were more than 5 minutes to the day and 5 seconds to contemplate the buzz in the air.

sweet dreams,
  I don't need
to say more        , your smile says it all

I was nearly ***** close to 10 times
when I was younger than 13.

I should have let them, as they all slipped into my bed and started fondling me,

but my devout christianity pulled me away.


now I'm even more stunted than I would have been had I just let them ****
my smooth 12 year old skin.

all women are predators in that regard--

but I see it now as preparation

All we have to our names are flies in a *** of stew and *** in our subway
sandwich
We kiss leaches and we pray to idols.
Step off the ladder, there is an
eternal light, like deniro in mean streats.
Capiche

I wish we could just go back to the days of nerdy dads wearing sandals and moms with high waist levis and floral wall paper and pristine cement and clear skies and reporters with paisley ties and teachers with vests and grandmas with cookies and kids with blue shirts because im ******* tired of everyone suddenly being an 'artist' and quirky 'creative'.
If there was no audience or followers youd still be ******* talking about a sitcom or panini you ate, now you just share it

I took the bag and walked
30 feet out onto the bridge.

as the
string
tied

I saw it sway

and the waves
kicked it back up on to the sand.

rotting
in the sun--

there was really nothing beautiful about it.

I just remember

the

seaweed at the knees -- so green

I'm glad you left because it showed me how easily you break
You'd never have my back if This was enough to drive you away
Good riddance,
And don't use me for material anymore

Sit and watch a video in a cold room
I make food and sit
I watch   a  show it amuses me
SHOW ends
I splash water
And slash my arm. Walk the bug
Walk the dog.
Sit in position
Tape off
****
Now food and water empty finish and green jelly. Weights and some slice. My dead mother calls from across town. I can't pick up
Meanwhile the clock runs empty.  Shut eye then work. Get to work and be bashful. Put your **** in a vice grip and squash your humanity. roses in your hair. So beautiful I kiss your eyes and tuck you in.  Asleep like a baby and close the doors. They won't get you tonight if you beg.
Beg



Beg
Beg for your life you give in

sugar.



the girl with the ******* sleeps with the 87 year old guy with the tumor on his ******* and lesions on his ***.

she sometimes licks the lesions for an extra
$4,506.

and for another $7,054 she'll **** on the tumor-

and for
$23,341 she'll swallow his ***** ***, and choke on his grey curly hair

and for
$86,066 she'll eat his toenails and get assfucked and attached with clamps on her *****.


and for $100,000 he'll finally take a chunky dump into her mouth and she eats it whole grimacing.


all I want for free is just someone to relate to,
or not really

this is a hunger poem ,

    my stomach is rumbling , and the coyote pelt with its whiskers sits there staring
with empty cut out eyes in the dining room. it was $22 bucks on eBay;
  the stool is twisted at its ankles
and I call for no-one's help.

My nephew has been diagnosed bipolar and so I calm him down;
the rain falls gently on the porch outsides and I drive to a
gas station.

$5 in nickels, the pump greased with sanitizer, I squirt it in.
     a  10th of a tank, and a 10th of
  human heart -- rolling into a dusty willow patch and making no amends.
we all must die
sometime

do nothing.

I've already done enough harm,


close the curtains and
fade out

Reading this book, it reminds me of myself, when I was gay
A little gay boy just existing in a world of delusion.

My girlfriend cant talk without a latent irritation.
I texted her a bit ago and she's still gone.
Well i ate a ripe mango
"I'm going to retire soon" said he.
59 years were already spent, your debt is incalculable. I laid down with you in that pit
I left my mango there as well and hid in my Scion xa. I play the worst music. I waste a lot of time but if it doesn't matter then what hurts about it?
You're goddless like all the rest. When I was rotting I found my head rolling along the carpet with the drag race king. *******, you *******. Jam

I pushed a good amount of laundry into the box. You left a few things in your desk. Leave then please
My number is 555-666 I'm a heretic my room is 29 my fingers are cold

Lol

Bbo

Ki

O.lol

****

Rolloing in filth with the feces scraping the light



Look out

Kek

With a balll and fist

Get waht you deserve

No fun now when it's all for keep

I dont feel like writing another poem again
why am I even here, clacking
this *******
I should be
digging a pothole to throw garbage in and plant
weeds -- something productive


my stomach hurts,
and people are yelling at me for being honest and considerate of their overall well-being.
you can still talk to me,
maybe?
but I had to lift the curtain, sorry if it's not what you like.

a crumpled tissue sits on the dresser, and there's a transient singing a lil pump song,
I threw a brick at him and he ran into the bush.
days are too long for all of this
sorrow

Lavender coolant I slap the gentle wind like a ***** and fold back into thieving muses

Hair in clumps and savage brutality, your eyes leak from the socket like faucets and your teeth arrange themselves in stacks of 10.
Eternity in an empty zoo like forever and footprints walking along the stone
I'm supposed to care
But you never gave me a chance to say sorry and maybe I'm
Sorry

I hate everybody


I hate dogs
I hate ice cream
I hate children
I hate cars
I hate green
I hate leather shoes

I saw a painting of Adolf in the library
sitting among the Israeli cannibal

I wanted to go dancing

I still have my last 25 coins

I **** you

So so so so  close.
I pull up the covers and yawn. I think about nothing. I brush my teeth and I cry and look into the mirror. So so so so so ugly so fast. The snow is falling and the tiles are cracking. I smile and go back to bed. If I die at least no one will be sad

Why am in a flesh cage with an ego-maniac brain?
Why haven't my wisdom teeth come in yet at 24
Why is the boot over my head?
Who will have to die slowly and painfully
?
Why does the lady next to me own 10 cats that follow in perfect formation behind her as she tosses bird seed and yells in spanish?
What is the capital of Bangladesh?
Do women really love or are they just oppurtunistic resource hoarders and compulsory validation seekers?
Is it true gravity can be circumvented with faith?
Step off the ledge and have faith.
Faith is what will keep you safe.
My heart
*******
hurts

I had a dream that people were huddled over my poems and discussing their content and really involved and almost arguing and laughing and really getting into it, and that I had some validation, but it was my imagination, one of those
Crazy fever dreams when it's
5 am and you're delirious and half awake.
I don't mind, it just means I have the
Auditorium to my self.
I set the matches on the table along with the gasoline; I'm tired of the circle ****.
The flies shall speak, and they shall simply buzz around the *****
cake in the hall  reserved for spectators

massive headache, splitting my skull and poking my diseased brain;
I can't keep
living this way, facing no where, and kissing dust. I can't keep believing in pagan fairytales and digging countless graves for every piece of me that dies, every single day, and so pitifully
  I need relief and I don't know what it'll take. 10 years of this,  10 years of
  how and why. the floors are squeaky clean now, and the doors are locked with rusty chains. I open my heart to you, praying for refuge

I've lost myself so many times

No words

drain goes down

and so do the crumbs of another crowd, hollowed out in
your heart

This is your job

always a nice little resolve at the end to make  the prior  words have more context and make up for the drivel

               1 egg here
another   in the garage  behind   your trophies

1 kid in the tub

the other  in the grave,
and the other missing its head.

forward thinker
progressive -
savior of a nation called peru. mosquito dusk    woman  of   glass-shrapnel

receipts?  on the
desk,
forward now.  I have work today at 8.
how are you?

"good"

park it  and fill it    with all your hate--  tie the knot an extra time  so it  looks good  when it

splats

the duck goes squawk squack
with green crackers,
"SQACKK SQAACCK WITH GREEN CRACKERSS!!!"
you toss
a biscuit in its mouth and it chokes it down

''SQACCK SQACCKK. GREEN CRACKERS!!" as it charges towards you and rams its head into your kidney

''SQACK SQACK!!!''
then you pull out of your silver switchblade and stab the beast
and its entrails spill out and cover you in red blood and you wrestle its neck while it pecks your eyes with its dull beak SQACKKINNGG

as you stand over its corpse, you tap its gentle body and say a prayer and place some pennies over its eyes
it was a fine adversary but too much for an afternoon
  at a petting zoo

I cherish you,  I adore you.  I kiss you. I kiss your feets and your neck and your perfect lips.  Your cute nose and ears. I **** on your tongue and bite your cheek. We watch ****** Netflix shows and laugh at eachother's lame jokes because the sound is so joyous and exciting.  We ride blasting death metal and sharing cigs as I reach into your pants and rub you. Your heavy breaths making me excited. We kiss some more. We can't stop, compelled to kiss until the night becomes dawn. I never could have dreamt of this.  I never imagined. Love doesn't need drama it needs better actors

bleeeeeeeeeep
FOR THE MOMENT

FOR THE MOMENT


CAN'T WITHDRAW

CAN'T OBSESSS ----- HALF BAKED. ,, ON A CRUMB ,, 3 YEARS AGO,

WHY'
WHY

HALF 2 A MOON

and then I listen.

packed in a gross cage.

love like  a zebra.

I **** the clover,  I **** her deep, like a pulse in.  July.

no more sleeping.


hanging from your blum
.

god told me no lies .                                      stained

This is why I'll never give a **** about people's opinions or trends because when I put my heart out I'm ignored but when I write about a ******* milkshake I get acknowledgement.
the dog rides around the park in its patrol car and
it's always the same. The radio goes bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzxxxxzzzzzzzzzzxxxzz and the sirens go   woo
biscuits for all the good bois

arguing with someone.


really just arguing with myself.

bought
a pack of

sardines
and fed them to the frog
for free.


still think
i'm losing a few hairs,
oilly follicles.

i'm better than them.
better than them

.
better,


walking barefoot.


she's pretty-
but young,
therefore
just
pretty.


and i blink twice for you when you've given up on me.

stay longer

Beaten down
fist on my eye with black tears
Boot on my throat and grey years.

Spit and dust and powder lies
& powder kegs
Dynamite
Erupting in the night
And *****
      Children in the blue light
Grey tongues and swollen
might

Rolling into dusk
No days count
Adolescence like curfew
And kittens by the string
"No more no more"
You ask
The door shuts.
January has april showers

We walk alone.

*******

  the swing sets cold

the days go on til infinity
without
mercy and clouds part
way for october

It is so quiet, it is so still.
I look up and see eyes, I roll over.
I don't care.
I am in a glove, poked with a knife.
Now you try.
Weapons with no ruler. I gave it to you like ******.
Neck in my tie I dress in grey. Back from the show. How is it. I'm stopping

I'm stopping now.  Said the lost kid

she blocked me finally, well I did first, but she had the last word.
2.1 years gone.
Some say the best way to look at it is as though it was a chapter.
What did you learn?
And if nothing, there's always a new story

tired of stories and 'real life'
I want to read something that makes me forget I'm alive, something to make me feel kinship with an ant.
Something to strip me of my pride.
Something to make feel unborn and unloved
, Something to make feel like a grain of sand
Something to make me feel like the sleeping vagrant,
Or the guts of a rabbit on a sidewalk.
Something cold,
Something like a universe

some guy
said '' your stuff is really good-
thought provoking,
intersting, kind of funny''


but then I hear something by the meat cutter at work
that's a lot
more
interesting ,
and kind of funny''

and I feel stupid.

really ******* stupid ---

and he doesn't
even care to have an audience

I'm sorry
I don't care
if it;s prejudiced
or presumptive,


if you're younger than 18,
and haven't worked

or produced sweat under your pit
whilst
splashing grease on your arm
and handing a bag
to an old lady,

and driving a broken down car
which you have to jump every morning,

and wearing old black rags
that don't fit the *** well,


I don't care what you have to say.

all your work will be 'love'
and or issues with 'society'
and how it's done you wrong.


you need to die a little
before you can expect to write
something of substance.

so start now

sunshine
The heart remains
The ghost cries in the dusk. don't hate what you refuse to believe in

She makes me feel like filth

Like unwashed hobo
dirt

like prickly cactus in july

Like crimson tides in june

Like **** in the summer

Like blue milk in august

Like pansies in mid air

Like stripes on a lion

Like roses on a new born

Like daffodils on a grave

Like poinsettias on halloween

Like doves on a stillborn

Like grass on cement

Like numbers in a poem

Like black on a farewell

Like trying when you

Should have given up

I wont give

Up.      I wont give up. It means too
much to me

       It means too much to bleed and to feel
  so much nothing

I could live in the ice.
  I don't mind heat but
95 isn't pleasant. what work can you do?
    lobster red in 5 minutes
raking a lawn and watering a bush.  so you sit inside and eat popsicles.
   and it's too hot to lay down and the fan is 2 watts. the toaster in the tub cools it off quick,
  with the electrolytes and all.  another day for swimming

I heard the tune goes like
la laa laa nah da daa
the trombone fish breath make mint filth frolickers
And gnome nosed needled toes take the token
Too far
la daa nah dahh lee nah
Happenstance and zero hour
awake for a pedigree deciple
Green brown black
Heart attack
Laughing like a dog it's time for a snack
Don't look back
Laa dee dahhh ***** laa dee

The crumpled fist, and the removed go seeking their Messiah
I put dusk in your lungs
Youre dead to me
Dead like my future

Starving til i have a 6 pack.

Fat pigs sleep in hay
I've rolled in the dirt and want my fix

To see my ****
To see the veins writhe. No love being a blob.
I want to cease it all so it can make sense somehow. Drop the spoon' pick up the knife

my life is meaningless toil and rot
and the heat sticks to me like glue

no pleasure, no pain and my senses are a green hue like the swamp

I tell no one.

It never gets better
So why waste anyones time

The test trial for the vaccine will be available in designated treatment zones within the Pittsburg municipality says the health director.

Your talk isn't enough to sustain me
I can't feel the warmth of words or their touch
At the end of the day i live in a ****** apartment in the middle of nowhere
With barely any food in the fridge with a cat that doesnt work and a car that is on its last legs with no insurance and am unemployed and losing my mind and sit under a dull lamp with nowhere to go
Thanks for having tried, but it is an illusion, and it is a facade and I'm not playing anymore, the game is
Rigged and hopeless, and all I have left in my cellar is some
rope

he sits down in the lobby and the tv is playing some show, there are also stacks of magazines on the table
  after about a minute and thumbing through the stations with the remote and eating complimentary breathmints the bearded man with a green neck approaches, and he has jewelry hanging from his nose
"Are you Sebastian?"
he says calmly and nicely
"well yes I am!"
"well okay then, nice to meet you, why don't you have a seat over there"
as he points to a pristine barber shop chair with bright red lapels and that smell of lavender.
Next to the seat is a petite girl with a bettie page hair do and traditional rose tattoos on her hips
and floral designs lining her shoulder, you barely notice.
"Okay, we agreed on the yellow
  snake with bubbles to signify your dog's passing correct?"
he says to me
"yes, yes we did"
"Well okay then! Let's get started!"

He starts, and it's the gentlest ***** you've ever felt, and the Joy Division pumping through the speakers sets you at ease.
A mother with her kids and a face tattoo of a dagger strolls in; on her lunch break, she schedules an appointment to have her back scalpeled with the design of a Christmas tree so as to be ironic because she's really a satanist; but it's pagan anyway so no-one cares.

    After about 2 hours, my artist finishes and wraps me with sandwich plastic and rubs hemmoroid cream all over the yellow snake. It's beautiful.
"You sat like a champ! Here's a lolly for you"
it's a green lolly and I **** it; it really tastes good, and I go home and admire my tattoo in the mirror for hours
and talk about it to all my friends who have the same yellow snake. It really makes me feel like I belong

back at home they called me bart and they laughed whenever i'd say the word
jellybeans.


threw up on a bearded hipster gothic hermaphodrite on 2nd wave estrogen and on that
punk rock kick with
a hint of nu-metal

and a tinge of hip hop.

suicided inside the Walmart with one of the leaf-blowers and left the cart pusher to
remove of the carcass
and greeted by a nurse in LA.

haven't lost 33 pounds but am triying
with a steady diet of beans.

pinching my nostrils to look more ethnic.

on the board of racial relations and have received the ID
and now
conducting an interview with a guy in a stone tent in wales next to ****** henge when it reopened last sunday.


you know you're gonna have to go back to work tomorrow
and you're gonna have to put in twice the effort because
Jessica is sensing that you're 'falling behind' and it's essential that you
prove to this firm otherwise and pick up the slack
so these numbers don't continue to dwindle in this high-market season.

got a can of tuna, cold to these
lips.

banana up my ******* up to 6 inches half-way
****** for a day.

forehead is split
and eyeballs are soaked in ink.

back to the strip mall to get a free massage and sexually harass the
glass stand.

'NO.
TAKE MY MONEY AND SPEND IT ON ORANGES.

she cries a lot nowadays,

and I feel bad especially in the mornings,


and love has just turned bitter
but mostly tepid and
indifferent

Poetry and art only matters if it's popular and it has a little thumbs up. Because people need to know that others like something to make up their mind. They couldn't risk being judged for liking something that isn't herd approved because then they risk their acceptance in the herd. it's why they like things they truly dont like and hate things that are blatantly true and slapping them in the face with existential meaning. But I don't give a uck I'm doing this for myself, I just wish I had a broader platform to terrorize humanity and I'll find a way

Writing to a pig in the dirt
To a duck hanging by a ceiling fan
To an **** full of *** and a belly withering in December heat
To a clown singing duality
To a niece jumping rope tommorow
To a grandma ******* on caramel
To a giraffe eating chocolate
To a ****** praying to Solomon
To a chunk counting to forty three
To a mother breastfeeding an ape
To a man
******* a fetus
To a poet crying in an aquarium
To a hobo
Drinking two qaurts of bleach
To a teen sprouting fuzz on a grey sweater at night.
I watch with both eyes.
The red omen is near so dont say that you're a
blind balloon. Who wants a copy.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

..



.
.


.
.
.
.
z I p

I'm grateful to be here,

to see the vanquished cities as they propagate the vast expanse,

To hold my heart in a ***** jar with the wounded still crying out

I am grateful to breathe this air,

To see the tarry streets as they grip on my lost feet,

To see the fire as it's quenched with mortar



I am grateful

Grateful for everything, and everything I wish I could have saved; it made me a better man, losing it all and a piece of my soul

the turn signal was green   and the joint was loose,
you rolled up the window
like a snitch and the rain rolled in. The ****** on my lap
wouldn't stop spitting
and years of
forgotten youth lay in front of me . The road was closed for good.
Moulton pkwy
was that way
  I was over there,
we were here

So hollow and void
My intentions are sinister or mostly indifferent;
I treat you like garbage because Im void of concern, apathetic, cold
You are merely an experience on this meandering train wreck of an existence
You will be discarded, or you will leave, makes no difference

The paper crumbles and the ink swells. I see my self in you. When I still believed in love; I'm sorry
You haven't learned, it's not my problem. Beautiful one
. Not my problem you had faith in me

it's an odd feeling knowing that I will one day indeed finally end my life.

It's nice knowing that there is some finality, so I have no need to worry.
I just wanna say a few more things
before I go.

Probably the same things a 100 more times then I should be content