Every time I'm really really messed up. You're drunk. You're so far gone and I'm so far away and yet so close to relapsing. My chest hurts and I'm afraid to fall asleep, the fear of my parrents finding out I'm gay and kicking me out. The fear that I have no where to go. And you're drunk. Thinking I'm okay, when in this moment my hands shake, trying to type out my distress. A cry for help if you will. I was crying really bad you said you would be there and you weren't

A little doll the universe tried to break.
Puppet that was not yours to take.
Don't touch me, I'm bitter.
Its my fault you called me a sinner.
little girl, little doll,
holding a secret and afraid to fall.

Your warm honey brown eyes, your skin slightly tanner compared to my translucent hands. You radiate the sunlight, shinning through my clouded emotions. You're lavender and sunflowers. My favorite combination. Your vines wrap around my heart puling me in.

My legs over yours, my face nuzzles into the crook of your neck. My hands holding onto yours loosely, but in such a way incase I slip I can cling to you for dear life. Because, I am falling, I'm slipping through the Hammock into the tall grass below us. I feel there I don't feel like I'm drifting off. Like my head is not spacing out. I can feel your heart beat. I can feel your embrace. As my hand traces circles on yours. Our eyes lock and I see you, I see you in focus.

Crying for the first time in months is like running your hands in hot water, right after from being in the cold all day. It stings, pins and needles. Like how my own heartache isn't enough. While they sit there drunk with friends, and I'm here alone. A empty house full of ruins. And my lungs hurt from shouting louder than a hurricane.