it’s all behind me,

the past,

like a dream,

a dream I once lived in
with vivid memories
of nostalgia and the
many people I’ve
encountered and
can’t remember
along the way

some alive,
some dead,
some gay,
some straight,
some drunk,
some sober,
some successful,
some still searching for success,
(no one is a failure)
some married,
some single forever
but the fragrance of
our friendship is gone,
past expired and evaporated.

I will never see them again
until I hear about their untimely
death and make myself present
to a funeral I wasn’t invited to but...

today is not yesterday,
today is not tomorrow,
today is today,
today is right now
and right now is the most
overlooked opportunity
to make something happen

so tonight,
just like the night before it
and many nights after,
the sun will settle down
leaving the clouds burning
red and the luminous moon
will leave a smudge print
in the night sky

I will not phone an
old friend and play
“catch up” with our lives
and speak of old times past,

just sit in my fortress of solitude
with the best strategy I know.....
to get drunk
without any.

it will remain
better this way

from this moment forward

I don't think I was created
For public consumption
But I draw blood red lipstick on anyway
Do I look OK?

The joy I feel
cannot be captured
in a pixilated square
But my lipstick is there

The pain I live with
Should not be ignored,
or worse,
exploited,
for the approval
of a judgmental public

My body doesn't need a filter
It is creased and warm
It is vibrant, it is alive
And no photograph in the world
Can convey who I am

But still - we are slaves
to anonymous approval
Do I look OK?

Am I even in love
if he's not on brand?
He can move my entire earth
with a hand on my thigh,
but what's a soul on fire
without the approval of the faceless mass,
yay-ing or nay-ing,
as they claw at their screens?

I need to know
Do we look OK?

it was the tender age of eleven we first met,
gazes locked with tender smiles
and we danced around with no regret,
yet, i still left
for you were my sun, and I your moon,
i had to stay in your shadow to be in your light
but do not worry, I'll see you soon,
forever in your heart, if not your sight