To drown in the ocean
would feel like I feel

surrounded by darkness
of the big blue sea

The tides pulling me back
in the same way my mood does

To drown in the ocean
would be easiest for me

Submerged in darkness, a shimmering shred of light reaches
Gasping for air, yet I am still breathing
Struggling, yet I am still moving
Drowning – Yet I am still alive
In fear, but not frightened

So confused, so unclear
Even in my dying breath I yet again find myself thinking
Again and again…
Obsessed I think I am, but how can I not be?

After inhaling every breath,
After our childish scuffles,
I am still trapped down this lonely abyss
Away from the land – Away from you
I’m still drowning

Only now in solitude do I find that I’m least alone,
Spending every second walking back through memories,
Memories that are already fading
Do I still love you? I don’t even know

The first 5 days was agony,
In the 2nd week all I could do was think of you,
It was 1 month and I was still…
The 2nd month came and I thought I was better,
The 3rd month I was scared because I was forgetting you –
Where had all those sweet memories gone?
The 5th month…
That shred of light never reached me…
*I drowned.

Ramblings about things I like and things I don’t

(because I have the time to write and I have been asking myself what I really like or want.)

I dislike

things about the modern society sometimes -- like how some people are trapped by their self imposed sense of success driven by their greed and selfishness since they only seems to look out for the wellbeing of themselves. There seems to be something disturbing about the city somehow though I cannot point it out exactly what that makes me feel uncomfortable but perhaps it is the perfect street and buildings all over like a factory manner.

I like

places without the perfect street and buildings and I want to have an adventure and live like going to Cambodia and India to learn about their culture and help some kids there. There I will be rich in experience and purpose and laugh at how sometimes I take things for granted or my own self imposed narrow point of view about the world at large.

I dislike

stereotyping and how human judge people based on external stuff like looks, race or background but I suspect it is our nature as humans to put things into label like marketing or something. Placing labels on someone's appearance or race or anything else alone ***** and stereotypes are disgusting. Take some time to look beyond the surface -- labels are meant for can soup. There is no point having a beautiful façade on the surface but empty in the inside.

I like

beautiful minds, people that are comfortable with themselves despite their imperfection and people being who they are despite it may goes against the norms of society and I think gays are bold (though I am not gay or something), they defeat their insecurities and conquer their inner demons on how people look at them.

I dislike

how cheesy pop music is at times and prefer words that touch me and lyrics that mean more than just about ******, stupid heartbreak or explicit things.

I like

words that make give me inner hope and a will to continue to walk or beautifully written and something that inspire or I can relate to. Perhaps occasionally books that make my heart break a little with a rush of emotion -- even it is somebody's tale or not true but I love the passion of it all.

I like

art. Art that have a story and meaning behind them and not just random models on the cover of the magazines with too much makeup and too much photoshop with the focus on just looks alone.

I like

to take photos of random things and the simple beautiful around us that many of us fail to see and honest heart to heart conversation with a few close friends in a homely environment instead of a big crowd of acquaintance.

I dislike

how some people cannot seem to understand something unless you push it right in their faces, when someone is only nice to me when they need something or just keep up with the appearance which is stupid.

I dislike

each other's' masks and the need to decipher the feelings beyond the masks without being told what it is specifically, people with ******* up beliefs of what is right and wrong and those who can be easily manipulated and people that manipulate them for their own benefit.

I like

beautifully hand crafted items and non factory made stuff. They are one of a kind yet sometimes I can be a walking contradiction and I do like man-made things because once in a while it gives an artificial glint of happiness and if you lost it or break it, you can always have a new one.

I dislike this world.
I like this world.

I want to live in a world with things that bring me a simple glimpse of joy and perhaps that is all I wish to ask for.

when i was younger i realized i couldn't swim deeper into the pool
I was curious
I wanted to know what was there

when i was 14 i realized i wanted to swim in you
in your mind
in your heart

Then i realized, how much curiosity hurts
And the deeper i got

I could taste your salty taste in my mouth
Instead of having the water all around me
It was you, your hands, your body...

when i was 14
I realized you were drowning me

As humans we aren't meant to comprehend truth, because of it i'm drowning

There is a boat i won't grab onto, for the boat is only for believers

The people try to pull me in, but i won't adjust so i'm only pulling them down with me

I pulled 2 people down with me, now they're gone. I'm still drowning ...

The boat doesn't even matter anymore, I drift under the sea blanket of insanity.