How do you keep looking
If you can’t find?
Isn’t it always better to let go
To give credence to eternal loneliness
Maybe….

have you ever felt a smile cracking
your face but there was no longer a reason for it
have you ever  felt that what you are  no man's business
because you are always rejected

have you ever felt you are the ground to the world
because everyone keeps stepping on you
have you ever looked in the mirror and
could not stand your own reflection

though trials are all on you now
happiness is what you bring to me
through your existence
because nothing matters like you matter

when the mirror tells
me wrong and you tell me right
when my head can't think
and yet you do better

when my eyes see blur
and you lead the way
when my laughter is
all ugly and you still
want me to go on

when my tears are becoming heavier
than my eyes
you speak,and dry
them off

when my security system
is not on
you stand guard
when my hands can't hold
on anymore you tie
them strong on
but still make me do it

when i think surprises
are now done
you come up and
say ''i love you''

that moment....
when I'm speechless
and you know what
i want to say anyways

when my pink life
turns black
and you light it all up
again

when the world is angry at me
and you still want me in yours

when i feel all ugly and rejected
and i know you will still
love me the same...

there in the shadow stands a figure
a girl  lonely
and no one can recognize
a voice of her own that none
understand struggles so hard
but no hand to help
but she waits.....
for the bullying to stop
for the finger pointings to end
for the laughs in her face to cease
she waits...
for her moon to shine
for her pride to heal
for her salvation to come
she waits...
for the sky to clear
and the crying nights to go short
but..she waits in vain..
dumb she was called
and labeled stupidity
but yet...
they knew not of her inside insecurities
her own sleepless nights
her own struggles to be in the light
to get out f the shadow
but yet.....
no hand for her and
friends so far
she turns to her shadow and loneliness
who else listens anyway.

cuddling with the night
gazing at the empty o sky
salvation awaited
numbness refuse to quit

standing alone, being
irrevocable and wishing
life would come
to an end

waiting for an open door
but seeing them shut
right in your face
causing pain hanging
yourself can't clean

rain falling
but not taking away the
sorrow of being left alone
in a huge galaxy

dumb enough to
ignore the voc for sale and dumber
to know nothing says she

but still hope shines
bright end of tunnel i see it
but reach it no hope

growing up was fun
well..most of it was
ice cream bells and grass stains
on Sunday dresses
lullabies and cuddling
childhood was a paradise replica

reading between the line
was impossible then
for they were too small to
even see them
two was a lot of fun when all
all was given the same
but it was too good to last

my socks ain't washed
and the floor need mopping
was the song that played
every other day of rising
before the sun itself

the goodbyes were the hardest
a well pressed uniform and
a beautiful second hand
backpack books very new
and i waved with a bloom in one hand
and a broke heart inside

the only time I thought this
possible was not yet here
but yet the feelings prevailed
i wanted none of it
but still the heart persisted
the wound though still raw
wanted so badly to heal
and couldn't find
a better doctor still

them all are the same
my head would say
and them all can change
my heart would say
caught in the battle
of logic and loving
didn't know where
to really side

guess it happened again
the course of history redoing
itself, guess walls are down
again and this time
they seem to really want to,
guess i will side with the heart
for now, and wait for
its crying sounds again,
soon i can tell
i just met my future x

promises to you are promises to me

to love and to cherish
I promise
to nurse and to heal
I promise
to laugh and to tickle
I promise
to see your true colors
I promise
to never break you and us
I promise
to forever and after that
I promise

we took the wrong turn

in turn, fate turned on us

guess we better turn back

before everything takes a turn

let's talk about the void
an empty space deep in the soul
dumpster to emotions
those we want buried but would rather float
in the void...
let's talk about heritage
the weight of it we carry
to be more
the look from those before us
The expectations and the disappointments
the heritage
let's talk about the mind
the place we avoid the most
dust piles up every day and creeps in to choke
the mind
let's talk about self
the entity so unknown yet comforting to have
the way to salvation for most of us and yet so strange
Self…

let's wait together for the gentle breeze

ensemble at last no storm can tear that down

forever is clear now

I can't wait to work on it

with you by my side