Sometimes I imagine
Peeling away the defenses you hide behind
Like plucking the petals from a flower
I want to see what's hidden underneath
Let me go on drives with you at 2 am
Listening to a radio station clouded with static
Let me ask you questions
About your childhood, your hopes for the future,
Your thoughts and opinions on everything
From religion and politics to tv sitcoms and pop music
I want to read you cover to cover like my favorite book
And when I'm done I want the floor of my car
To be littered with flower petals

i won't apologize for being naked,
for having this body god gave me.
i will always love couch change
and my grandmother's knitted
sweater.
no one can take me away,
and a push is not a
touch and these bruises aren't
my fault
and the lies you hear
about me
are ok,
but i won't apologize
for what they think
they know
because
this is my story to tell.

You didn't know what to say anymore.
So you didn't.
You picked up your guitar
and you played for me some more.
You sang for me
songs we'd danced to before.
And it hurt but I smiled
and listened to you.
You played all my favorite songs
that were all your favorites too.
I watched you
you, with your eyes closed shut.
The petals fell from the sunflowers
and your room got dark and cold.
You sang songs you'd written in rehab
that you swore weren't written for other girls
but when you sang them
your eyes got still
and I could swear you were remembering someone.
That was our last night together.
And I didn't know it at the time,
but that was the last music I would hear.


*s.mndi

Sometimes it's hard to tell
If I'm actually okay
Or if this is just a pause
Like the silence left
Between songs
On a particularly sad album

And as I try stopping the passing of time
Like grasping at sand
Slipping through my fingers
I fail to recognize the pile
Being built beneath my hands
Full of tiny fragments of life
That I forgot to live

"set yourself free from your anxiety.
I have faith in you, you'll be okay."
everybody says it, but it only really
seems to matter when it's coming
from somebody who just gets it.
"just breathe, you'll be alright."

I change my nail polish every day
because I get bored of the color.
how am I supposed to handle
a long term relationship?

It occurred to me the other day
That I am technically an adult
Who has no clue
How the world really works
And suddenly I'm feeling guilty
For all those times
That I threw aside the instruction manual
When putting together a piece of furniture
Or setting up a new program
Maybe there's something to be said
For being over-prepared