but life got too busy
days to months
months to years
all the while
expecting time
to somehow slow down

love is not a problem
just find it hard to stick it out
though falling is quite easy
you soon find you hit the ground

My words are not beautiful
                        Nor are they unique
Swear they've all been said before
                              Confessions of the meek
Forever dreamed of wearing mask and cape
                                     Presently it's hard to sleep
Close my eyes so I can lie awake
                                                             Thinking of promises I didn't keep.

And it all is too much
As much as I want me to stay
As much as I want to
As much as I want to

teeter totter
jibber jabber
tangled tongues unwind
pitter patterned
t-shirt tattered
by words once said unkind

steal my heart

honest take it with you
                              
                                                               it’s been causing too much trouble

                                                                       swear i’m better off without it

if ever i could do without
it seems that it consumes me now
with every breath my lungs withdraw
another second chance disappears

cross the hall the people laugh as if it all is well
i watch them stall thru peepholes glass to decipher what is real

I always eat the soup before it cools down
I’ve been burnt many times over
Yet I never let it settle

if time were to stop immediately





                                                                      what would this moment hold

I say "I’m somewhat of a poet or at least I like to write”
I tell her “I even have an account”
“Do you post under your real name?” She asks
“Hell no!”I quickly responded
“I used to write in middle school. I used to really enjoy it” She said
“But do you have an account?” I joke
Then we both laughed

certain there's no remedy
this sickness knows no cure

I wonder
Does the pen look down at ink
And say
"Look what I have written!"

unsure of every thought
no wonder i am second guessing what i write
though must one be certain
to put ink upon paper

ants in the room
roaches in the car
bugs crawl on skin
brain hears alarms

I
“Seem to be ok”
They say
“Much better than before”
I
Tell myself the same
Still
I am not convinced

rivers run like sentences
written in excitement
wildfire hopping asphalt
like kids upon the pavement

Despair
Came knocking on my door
So I
Let her in for a while

"FACE YOUR FEARS!" I scream



                                                                                                                        as
                                                                                                                          i
                                                                                                                 cower
                                                                                                                        in
                                                                                                                      the
                                                                                                                corner

no time to be sad
no time to be at all

don’t go they say
we need you to stay
why do i feel like drifting away

sweet followed by bitter
always with a price
i’ll stay on the sidelines
never live a life
steady as it comes
same the way it goes
something about a high
goes hand and hand with lows
how do i or you or them
decide what stays or goes
do we begin enveloped
with our fate enclosed
can we choose?
can we change?
is it worth the squeeze?
i stood up to life
it brought me to my knees

dull pencils scrape the pages
in and outside lines
sentences bounce up and down
tell stories of the times

i am not faster than tomorrow
one cannot outrun the calendar
the stopwatch never ceases
hands of time are always at work
once i grasp this certainty
i will move on

teeter totter at an altitude
not safe to take a spill
sometimes though i imagine falling off
to see if it is real

the road is long
and i am tired
years without respite
hope no longer carries the feet
i am beginning to sink
already drowning
staring at the surface
as i invite the water to fill my lungs
they don’t tell you how peaceful it is

Just because the tides are rising
Does not mean that I will drown

I need to remind myself of this.

Because there are times I am but ankle deep
And I can feel my lungs filling up with water

Love me now or love me not
Three shots deep and I forgot
The bitterness but saved the thoughts
About how we would tie the knot
Instead with score and stomach tied
You got yours and I got mine

she said jesus brought the spring
that she’ll teach me how to pray
but lord knows what I’ve seen
there is no heaven on the way

she believed in jesus
though did not believe in us
honest until she wasn't
made it hard to believe trust

holding on
much longer then intended
daily doses
much more then recommended

sometimes it takes a while to dive back in and swim
when every steps felt like a mile it easy to fall to shins and cringe
but past calendars do nothing save take attention off the walls
had to learn that life keeps running even when you fall

Real Seems
Plastic to the touch
Generic
Disingenuous
Seams and Strands of Sanity
Have begun to Unravel

Played with the idea of dying at dawn

It’s noon now and that has passed

sitting inside when the sun is out
close all the curtains for shade
i know the highs gonna come down
i'm sure by noon there'll be rain

she always smelled like oranges
now i stay away from citrus
distance is
tough
but you see trust
is miles away

the stains will not come out.
though
i have started to like the way
they've begun to fade into the fabric
almost indistinguishable from cloth
as if they were not stains at all

I loved you but you weren't able.





You make me feel like mashed potatoes.

Interesting
                          How I hold so firmly to the times I've been wronged
Yet
                                               Carelessly lose grip of when I was not right

nicotine nightmares
wake up i'm feeling frantic
lately dancing with the devil
feels a little too romantic

delight wrapped in silk skin
butterscotch dipped kisses
sugar coated lies back and forth
too sweet to know the difference

Once I sell these tragedies
I'll be rich and sad