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 Nov 2018 Crystalmcconnell
Johnny
Do you know how long I waited?
To muster up an ounce of courage to ask
Of course you asked first
You were always better at talking
And knowing what you wanted
So we did
I don't regret a single moment
If anything...
I regret taking so long
I didn't know that I could love so deeply
So purely and happily
You were my better half no doubt about it
I just wish I could've been yours
I'm sorry
But I can't truly love someone until I love myself
I can't give you what you deserve
What you need
If I can't be happy with myself
I'm so sorry
I swore to protect you from hurting
But I failed
You don't understand why
Neither do I sometimes
I lay in bed wishing I had my **** together
So I could be together with you again
Maybe
We said
Maybe down the road
But then you moved on
Or at least
That's what it looks like
I asked you not to wait for me
Cause that wasn't fair to you
Then I realized I was the one waiting
Now it seems like it's too late
I suppose it is
It's 1:30 am
I've spent 2 hours playing sad songs
And realizing that sometimes life happens
Sometimes it just *****
Tons and tons of suckage weigh down on you
And it feels like you're suffocating
Right now
I feel lost
The way I'd get lost in your eyes
Hopelessly
And yeah, this isn't much of a poem
But you were always the better poet anyway
Just a late night release,
I am ashamed
At how broken i am.
I apologize
For the amount of stress
I may cause in the midst of your
Efforts of trying to keep me held together.
I apologize
that i continue to fall apart
Before your glue has time to dry.
I apologize
That every time you pick a piece of me up,
Yet another breaks.
I am trying.
You are fixing me slower than i am breaking,
And i am ashamed.
Thank you.
Thank you for not giving up
On a broken piece of nothing.
If I could turn back time
I would hit Backspace all day,
Id put on Caps Lock
and SHOUT what I say.

I'd use the whole Alphabet
To tell you hello,
Press seven Numbers
Til you picked up the phone.

I'd Tab through the comments
I didn't want to hear,
And use the Arrow Keys
To drag your body near.

I would Delete the harsh words
I didn't mean to speak,
And Insert the "I love yous"
I before couldn't leak.

I would use Ctrl to
Keep reigns over my heart,
And I would Escape lies
That tore us apart.

I'd Print out your photo
And kiss it goodnight,
Use the Calculator
To check that we were right.

I'd Paint you a picture
of us, you and me,
Then I'd hit Enter
Just so you would see.

Those are the things
I would do in my strife,
If only Backspace
worked in real life.
This is the first poem (that I have a copy of) i wrote that I actually thought was good. I was in seventh grade, twelve years old, and I wrote it for a newspaper competition. I knew it was really great but I didn't think I would beat all other applicants in the state in my age group. So you can imagine my surprise I'm sure when I DID win! That is the first time I was proud of my writing. So this one has a lot of special sentimental value. Thanks for reading.
 Feb 2018 Crystalmcconnell
Johnny
I can’t un-cry your tears
But I promise when the rain comes
I’ll keep you dry
I can’t un-feel your pain
But I can ease it
When you’re lost
Don’t know where to go
I’ll be the shelter
To your flaws
To your heart
Actually
I can’t be any of those things
Why?
Cause I haven’t told you
Told you of every breath you stole from me
All the times I smiled
Hoping you’d see me laugh
Waiting for you to fall for my smile
Like I fell for yours
I haven’t told you
Of the times I almost confessed
Standing at the altar of my fears
Confessing my feelings
So no
I can’t be these things for you
I want to
God knows I want to be
But here I am
Wandering along damp hallways of stone
Laden with things that could be
Can’t be
Won’t be
But maybe might
So I keep my door unlocked but windows barred
That nobody may see inside
But feel free to knock
These walls have been painted over countless times
Covering the stains, dents, and scars
Waiting for someone to come inside
By all means
Please knock
But I beg of you
Don’t ding **** ditch
Too many times I’ve come to the door
An empty space meets my gaze
People that I thought were there
Just weren’t
Maybe you’ll understand then
Why I bar the windows and unlock the door
I can make the outside look good
Not everyone likes the interior
When you come
Stay for as long as you’d like
As you leave
I’ll naively leave the door ajar
If by a miracle                                                        
You choose to come back
Possibly to stay for a little while longer
Should you do so
I’ll be holding a “Welcome back”
And an “I love you”
One hand will hold the door open for you
The other will welcome you back
As for the “I love you”
Well…
I guess we’ll settle for
“Welcome back”

— The End —