Sometimes I miss you so much I want to throw up, the thought of you with someone else makes me want to blow up, I choke up, I smoke up, drink up and shut up just to keep my love for you sewed up and locked up.

As I fill up my inflatable float with distractions, I’m scared one day it will erupt from the build-up of my anxiety’s reactions and blow the **** up in the face of all my current transactions.

I’m sorry I’m messed up, but I’m getting through it day by day but hey, I honestly wouldn’t want it any other way so I’m going to keep inflating and hopefully keep going up, up, up and away until one day I won’t give a **** how high I’ve gone up and I know in my heart that that’s whats up.

Chapter 23, today this poem is about me,
This poem is about me, but just today you see,
Today I feel free, and filled with... I don't know, glee?
But not really, its just a silly fluctuation of hormones maybe,
Or perhaps a caffeine rush from the coffee I drank at 11:30.
Or maybe its just me having an epiphany,
An epiphany that others can see so easily,
That I am just a ******* freak.

It is security they crave, not heading what I say,
I am but just a wave, I only have one way.
I'll pull you in, I'll push you away,
they watch  me leave, they wish I would stay
They think I'm clear, clean and oh so serene,
but then they feel my roughness and eventually call me mean.
I can drown you, push you to shore or help you escape
You can use me for energy, or to wipe off your own ***** slate
But just know I can also be dark more than I can be light
And my bite will leave a mark that can easily instill fright
So be careful for although I can save,
I can be very destructive.
After all, I am just a wave.

I associate his death with a lot of things,
My over caring personality,
My inability to not over think things,
My attraction to the darker side of reality,
Getting too close for no good reason,
My mood changing by the season,
Even my rhymes aren't consistent

Nothing makes me happy anymore
I realize as I stare at this floor
and the ceiling and the wall
sometimes I just cant help but fall
Nothing is making me happy as it should
Getting girls, I thought would
Working out, ya if only I could
The fear, if finding something new
to keep me happy, is only few
and once all those things are found
what happens after, what is happening now?
Is that all that life is?
Trying to find something just to miss?
Why is happiness so hard

Blue baby born to a future with no past,
Time with "mother" was no time at all
So many paths to be taken
Where could life sustainabley last?
A soft floor, learn to crawl
A foreign language to be foresaken
But in the light there is always darkness
Isolation follows groups
Past issues should be resolved first
Adoption only after harkness
Otherwise, prepare for hoops
This is the beginning of my beautiful, cursed