Even a phone call would work now.
I don't think I could look at you.
I just need some one to tell me it's not true,
That I'm not thinking straight.
But maybe that's a lie.
Maybe I just need you.
It's time to say that even though
I said I didn't like you,
I think things might end up your way.
Of course I don't believe you like me.
I don't believe you care.
I think you'll use me.
I know we should stay just friends.
But I might end up regretting
The decision that I made.
I need you to hold me
To say I'll be okay.
Don't believe my smile.
Please look through my lies.
"It doesn't matter" hole me close.
I want the same as you.
We just want love and to love
People truly love you.
It might not be as true for me.
But please don't leave yet,
You are all I have right now.
Please don't leave me.
Please don't say goodbye.

-3nwlry

Keep your steps strong,
But keep them slow.
FIll your head with songs,
But keep it low.
When the night's long,
Don't forget to glow.

-3nwlry

As I hold the lighter
Closer to my eyes,
Keeping my finger close,
I wait until it gets too hot.
And keep it there,
Til my skin blisters
And even still.
I try to make me feel
The heat on my face.
When I play with fire,
I remind myself
That I could easily
Be swept away,
Just like the wind
Puts out the fire.

-3nwlry

If this what it takes.
I will be the one to bear the pain.
I'll hide the blades away.
And carve my arm until it burns and breaks.
They won't listen anyway.

If this is what it takes.
I will be the one to feel all pain.
I'll take this gun to my head,
And shoot until my life fades away.
They won't listen anyway.

If this is what it takes.
I will try my best so they will see.
I'll wrap this role around my neck,
And hang until my neck gives way.
They won't listen anyway.

If this is what it takes.
I will be the one in the grave.
I do my best for them.
But they won't listen anyway.

-3nwlry

"Do better"
You have to be better if you want to win.
"Be smarter"
You have to be smarter if you want to change.
"Grow taller"
You have to be taller if you want some friends.
"Be pretty"
You have to be pretty if you want to fit in.
But I just want to live.
I just want to live.
"Laugh harder"
You have to laugh harder if you want to smile.
But I don't want to pretend.
And I just wanna be happy.
But you never taught me that.
I just want to live my life and smile.
I just want to smile for real.
I just want to run away
Cause you won't ever let me.
It's not your fault that I'm failing.
"It's been fun"
It never has.
But I have to say, thank you.
I don't really know why.
You always hurt me so much.
You never showed me how to live my life my way.
I just don't understand.
I'm your child.
Let me smile. Myself.
For the first time.
"Be happy"
I want to be happy
So I can live my life.

-3nwlry

Every night I close my eyes
And always wonder why.
Why do you always make me smile
Even when I'm tired?
I walk down the hall with my friends
And realize they don't care.
So you know who I really am?
Honestly, probably not.

It's impossible to get you out of my head.
It's impossible to finally get to bed
I understand that no one really cares.
That's alright. I'm just losing my mind.
Stop that! You are messing with my head!
Stop that! I wouldn't be understood.
Stop that! I told you I am fine.
Please stop. You'll find out I'm breaking inside.

I sit with you, as you sketch.
I try to figure out
This dilemma which I have.
I'm impressed that you have never noticed.
I can't let myself like you that way.
I can't risk out friendship now.

It's impossible to get you out of my head.
It's impossible to finally get to bed.
I understand that no one really cares.
That's alright. I'm just losing my mind.
Stop that! You are messing with my head!
Stop that! I cannot let you see.
Stop that! I told you I am fine.
Please stop. I don't want you to know that I'm breaking inside.

Stop that! You are making me confused.
Stop that! I kinda really like you.

-3nwlry

Cold feet at the last moment.
Changing my mind again.
Eraser shavings on the bed.
Pencil growing dull.
Eraser growing small.
More mistakes yet again.
I'm figuring out how this works.

Slight cough for months
Chewing my tongue for hours.
Broken graphite on the pillow.
Pencil losing length.
Eraser growing rough.
More and more mistakes.
I don't really understand.
I wish I was like them
Always fitting in.

Turning away before I crash.
Holding back from break downs.
Eraser shavings on the bed
Voice breaking, tears sliding.
Understanding finally hit me.
It's not about the rhyming.
It's about the words.

-3nwlry