I'm tired
but all i do is toss and turn

all i can think about
is a blade cutting my skin

all i can remeber is the blood on my fingetips

all i can do
is dream about what it would be like for one more cut

but when i want to do it
when i decided its time

I see your face

and i remember
you don't want me to live this way

you believe in me
when i didn't believe in my self

you trusted me
when i didn't trust you

And now when my mind says
One last cut

I see your face
and remember you don't want me to live this way

I'm sitting here trying to be strong
listening to passenger songs
trying to find out what is going on
i try to sing along

but i know the words far to well
because I know how he felt
I know what it felt like when he fell

I'm sitting her trying to be strong
listening to passenger songs
wondering where you have gone

I can't sleep
I'm crying to much

I have 200 people following me
as if I am leader
I have 479 poems
as if I have the ability to write beauty
I am following 182 people
yet I still feel alone
so honestly
does what I accomplish mean anything?
or will it forever be equivalent to nothing

I'm sorry I'm awake right now
I fully regret all of my actions that lead me here
Pacing through my room at 2 or 3 in the morning
Worrying about a girl that doesn't love me
A test I'm not gonna pass
And a God I'm not sure is real anymore
I fully regret being gay
Being an abomination
A stain on this precious earth
I regret getting drunk
Having ***
Getting high
I regret the lies
But most of all I regret the pain
The struggle I put myself and others through
I regret who I was
Who I am
And whatever pile of disappointment  I  will turn out to be
I regret writing this to you
But I wanted to say I'm sorrowful
Because of what I've done to you
And what I will do

The government will protect your children
As long as thier not born

Because the waves may hurt the sand
The sun may scorch the land
But they wait for it
They want it
And will relive it everyday

You know you were abusive right?
Honestly worse than your father
You strangled me with words
And left me riddled with questions and scars
Now the scars I applied myself
I had to create some physical evidence
Of the torture you left
And speaking of leaving
You left me
Which I'm happy to say
No longer distresses me
Even though you still won't adress me
Apparently
You go mute when I try to speak
Nontheless
I am no longer obessesing
But sadly
You learned to obess over me
It's obvious you started watching me
Amature
Cover your trail
You're immaturity makes your frail
But you were abusive
Though not anymore more
I finally have picked myself up from the floor
You see
I found the good in goodbye
And I don't crave you anymore
So goodbye abuser
And Thank you
For leaving me once more

She just wanted her to graduate
do what she could never do
she regreated dropping out everyday
she didnt want that same regret for you

when she died you couldnt take it
why didnt God take your life
you decided to grant her last wish and go to college that night

but while you where there
you met a dashing young man
he promised you the world
at the flick of his hand

and you  feel for his trap
left school with 2 more years to go
only if you would of known

after 2 years he got violent
hit you for the first time
all you said in your mind was lies
then you realized what this was
you called the police
and to this day your baby girl
wonders why you took away her daddy

It's one in the morning
My heart is racing and I can feel the pain I've felt for centuries
I can feel you leaving me
I can feel the tearing of my heart strings
The blades of betrayal in my back
And the tears running down my cheeks
I'm scared
More than I've ever been
Of losing you, Somone I love, again
OF going through that loniless
And depression again
OF losing another part of me
Because I'm not sure I have enough left to live with myself without you there
I need you
But you don't need me in fact you probably never did
I should accept it
Now
Before it happens
I should block your number
Stop going to lunch
Skip study hall and pretend we never met
Pretend you didn't soften my heart like I did
Pretend you didn't show me how to be happy again
How to truely feel again
Pretend you never existed
Forget all the jokes and remeber how to be alone again
I should just push you away
So I won't have to lose someone I love
Again

age is timeless

How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
Would you be old enough to drive a car
old enough to sit in a bar
or would you simply be young
not caring about a thing
chasing imaginary butterflies
into an imaginary stream
would you be who you pretend to be
would you be over 30
would your back still be hurting or is it all an illusion
so I want you to come to a conclusion
from what you know so far
how old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?

There was this girl that I once knew
she was happy
she would laugh at nothing
and she would laugh sincerly
and she always loved tickling
she would sit outside in the snow
just to watch the snow flakes fall
she didnt want to get away at all
she was happy

A girl that I once knew
was where she was meant to be
she was still in her element
she didnt want to be
anyone else
but she

A girl that I once knew
Had dreams
she would imagine the most amazing things
and actually had a couple happen and made people realize
she was amazing

A Girl that I once knew
use to stare back at me in the mirror
now all i can see
is her shaking her head disapointed in me
all i can feel is her gaze telling me im lost now
that im not anything

That girl that you once knew
Is no longer inside of me

SON: "Daddy, may I ask you a question?"
DAD: "Yeah sure, what is it?"
SON: "Daddy, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?"
SON: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?"
DAD: "If you must know, I make $100 an hour."
SON: "Oh! (With his head down).
SON: "Daddy, may I please borrow $50?"
The father was furious.
DAD: "If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.
The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $ 50 and he really didn't ask for money very often. The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.

DAD: "Are you asleep, son?"

SON: "No daddy, I'm awake".
DAD: "I've been thinking, maybe I was too ******* you earlier. It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $50 you asked for."

The little boy sat straight up, smiling.
SON: "Oh, thank you daddy!"
Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills. The man saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his father.

DAD: "Why do you want more money if you already have some?"

SON: "Because I didn't have enough, but now I do.

"Daddy, I have $100 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you."
The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little son, and he begged for his forgiveness. It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $100 worth of your time with someone you love? If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of days. But the family and friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives. And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more into work than to our family.

Some things are more important.

Its hard some times to pretend to be human
to act as if I understand all that is happening
I remember things randomly
from when I wasn't exactly the definition of sanity
crazy is a good adjective
but doesn't quite capture it
Im insane
completely bonkers
and sometimes I forget how to be human
I forget how to have emotion
and no one seems to understand it
I'm not depressed
no
I'm an alien

Your words cut me deeper than my knife

its was the only other time i have felt alive

in my life nothing is as it seems
found a person who promises they love me
swears they care for me
buy ultimately
is lying
you see
i have been decived
i couldn't believe
emotionally abused
like seriously?
why me
and why does she have to be so
mean
but i love her
so treat me like a punching bag
hurt me because your mad
anything to make you glad
i gave you all i had
throw it out and laugh
that's the spirit
i hope you never feel sad
but please don't leave me
your all i have

What would I do without your smart mouth
drawing me in and you kicking me out
got my head spinning
no kidding
I can't pin you down
my heads under water
but I'm breathing fine
your crazy
and I'm out of my mind
cuz all of me
loves all of you
loves your curves and all your edges
all your perfect imperfections
give your all to me
I'll give my all to you

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better forget friends old far knew happy crying everyday got maybe hate trying dad fall use start change bad stars listen daddy insane secrets told tried isn't light wanna left came good realize real believe laugh head instead jump insanity cat school zombies followers inside home room thinking family end

remember dead hair saw laughing sure feeling great looks looked realized remeber father changed understand kid copy cuts hearted best face little hold forgot keeper question victim long push house god lie sees morning past needs mean hand heart wont talk stay able wish true learn mother looking ok turned

makes doesnt stopped scars took color young pushing died car telling crazy killed knife respect sister cares leg inches copycat turn soul goes loud smile walls does lies babies speak watch held lose poem year self hit mind longer lost close staring happen words fell new making showed means hard

I didn't even break skin
That doesn't count does it?

I don't want to be alone
But alone is the only thing I have ever known

I was left a lone
you see I didn't have the best life
my shoes didn't always fit right

I was abandoned everyone left me
and i was bond to the wrong things
like chewed up taffy

I was nothing
I was just a waste of space
a broken sandcastle
watching the waves rise to take me away

I was nothing
and i still am today

Time passes
dreams come and go
but I just wanted to let you know
that Jesus is there where ever you go

Am I wrong
but didnt i care about things
I can remeber crying
when my dad dropped my pet fish in the sink

Am I wrong
but didnt i feel things
I remeber laughing
and crying
and hoping

Am I wrong
but didnt you love me
I could remeber your face when you saw me
your eyes said more than your mouth

Am I wrong
but didnt I love you

Am I wrong
but doesnt this situation hurt you too

Am I wrong
but arent you thinking about me like i think about you

Am I wrong

Forget all you lost
all you had
all you wished for
but never got

leave all the pain  
the tears
the things that brought you nothing but fear

forget the abuse
the loneliness and the rage
the monsters that you use to call your friends

forget it all
and start to begin again

On swift wings death comes in the night
While children hide under thier bed in fright
Hold your pillow tight
And lately kids have seemed to invite
It in
Death comes on swift wings to take those who dont wanna be taken
To steal the breath from the child who hasnt yet learned to breathe
Take the ones we can't bear to be taken
And you invite it

Death comes in on swift wings
Your child goes please mommy protect me

It will all be over soon

Then death comes on swift winds
Takes an angel before it learned how to breathe

SPEAK

But the childs mouth hasn't had a chance to grow

But sending death into a baby eagle
For food
So your child can survive in this world of the free
Where we are all slaves to the systen
Will leave you in chains
You can **** a human child
But an eagle is not ok
This isn't a game

Someone listen
JUST BECAUSE THEY CAN'T SPEAK DIDN'T MEAN THEY DON'T FEEL ANYTHING
Isn't that what animal rights people preach
Why do we believe baby animals feel things
But a child who could of been you
Doesn't mean a thing
Picture if the first thing you heard from your mommy was I'm sorry
As pain you have never felt before
Eats your from your core
And the only person who 'loves you'
Says they don't want your anymore

Someone listen
Death comes on swift wings
Life comes slow
And leaves fast
Instead of making our time last
We call death to take away the mistake you made

No need to tell your parents
Its ok

SPEAK

You will get to heaven and see children with wings
Smiling faces that could of meant something but now they mean nothing
Cause the only love they gave ever felt was from something on swift wings

Who told them it was ok
As you killed a babe

When did death become more forgiving
Then living
When did the life of an angel mean nothing

A poem a day keeps depression away
Self expression makes it all okay
Emotions aren't that scary
When you let them out voluntarily
A poem a day keeps depression away
I guess I better start writing

We have a desire to matter
To be remembered
To have a life that was more than the standard
Work to die
Or always be dieing to work
We live wanting more than average
But won't take the big risk
Because if they don't work out
You die
So we all strive for the middle
A secure life where we are truly happy
And mean something
To someone
Anyone
It's a roll of dice
But I will ask you one thing
How do you expect to be remembered
If all you do is work a 9 to 5
How do you want to be the greatest writer of all time
If all you do is just enough to survive
It's not going to be easy
But it will be worth it
Because you will finally find joy in your work
Until you aren't working anymore
So it's really a roll of the dice
But the it will never roll in your favour
If you don't try

She paints a lovely picture
But this art work has a twist
The paint brush is a razor
And the canvas is her wrist

THIS IS MY ATTENTION GRABBER
This is how I plan to have you hooked
I can tell you how I cut
But never broke skin
Or I can tell you how I'm lost
About how I hurt my only friend
I can tell you about my father
Or my innocent sister
About my broken mother
Or my uninvited mister
I can tell you all these things
To get you to listen
Pain is my attention grabber
Are you listening?

Johnny heard a symphony
In his head
He repeated every word he read
He could hear every harmony
Melody
Saw the notes on the line
Johnny saw the world filled with music
He lived it
So you labeled him autistic
Because if your brain works different
You take pills to make it the same
Different is bad
But when he takes the pills the music goes away
The symphony turned into a piano
That's not quite on key
Instead of beauty
It's an almost perfect note he can't see
"The doctors said it wouldn't disappear completely"
He's conducting to an empty orchestra
The instruments have been put away
The flutes are in the corner
With dust and decay
His fingers can no longer grace the piano keys
He had to think what does that mean
But he can't think
He feels woozy
And dizzy
The pills took away his ability to be free
They said his disorder made him weak
That he could be amazing
If only he was the same
He could be perfect
If we pick at his brain
That are playing a game
With his sanity
He was insane
But they still call crazy
Nothing has changed
But the pulls added a haze
And took his ability
To make music
That's not the same

Hold on to me
As we treat carefully
Through our feelings
I know I say I don't
And I know I push you away
But it's because I love you baby
I love you and I don't want to hurt you
Like I did to her

Baking Cupcakes
Broken Cutters
Bleeding Children
Black Color
Backing Circles
Before Christ
Beautiful Children
Blessings Come
Blank Canvas

People annoy me
especially girls
spend an hour in the morning
to get rid of your beautiful natural curls
while others do the opposite
spend hours in the morning to make their hair straight
Im tired of it
Everyone trying to be like someone else
Not realizing someone is trying to be like you
but you don't believe its true
right not you may be thinking
I know people like that but I'm talking to you
Your living in a fantasy
A world where you are ugly
Step into light
Out of your fantasy so you can see
and believe
So you can see for yourself
why you are beautiful to everyone else.

Beautiful
Engaging
Amazing
U R
Talented
Intelligent
Forgiving
Unique
Loving

Beer is the thing that dulls your senses and your pain
Makes it all go away
Gives me an escape
From remembering the bruises on my legs
or hearing my father calls me a mistake
Taking away my need to be fake
Beer is the thing that sets us free
From our unseen bindings