Flower petals drift into the stream
stars fall from the sky
as they light up the earth

So close to my heart
I remember the day we first met

Your warmth
your love
your presence flows in and out of me

And like silk you slip away in to the distance
the wind taking you freely into the skies

I long to be with you again
I long to hear your voice
be in your loving embrace once more

You are the light
that always shines brightly
when I'm lost in the dark

Please don't ever change

A dysfunctional
victim of her own mind
embracing her self and life
one minute
disposing all that she is
the next

When will this come to an end 
when will I stop living
so everlasting sleep 
can save me
from all that I am

I just want to disappear
yet I long to truly be seen
and embraced

Alone but not
when others fail to treat you well
and when you suffer from demons within

You rely on those demons
to come and save you
all over again
a concept I believe
others without demons 
can ever comprehend

Because people can't be trusted
because I'm too ingenuous to see
overly kind and take their side
instead of my own

In my hearts eyes
it's crystal clear 
that I can't always be accepted
who would
but my demons do
so why seek love

Anyone would see me as insane
but I chose to be this way
because I'm done 
burdening others that fall for me
I should be fine on my own

A  twist in my story
created by an unspeakable act

He touched her
and in an instant
he chipped away a piece of her

Self-blame and self-hate
consumed her entirely

Her whole world was bleeding out
all her hurt and unstable emotions
being able to feel alive was everything to her

And despite fearing touch
she craved it at the same time
still a never-ending struggle

Forever bearing a heavy shadow
of doubt
insecurity
and a lost sense of self

I forgive him
but I can't undo the
damage within me
I can't erase these scars

His actions will
live within me
for as long as I'm alive

Write write write
Write to breathe
Write to feel

Write to forget
Write to survive
the turmoil inside my mind

Write in order
to see the light
at the end of the tunnel again.

I need this moment
to fuel my heart

Take me away from
all my insecurities
and make me anew

Consumed in the shadows
I take the risk

Soaring
and weaving
into the unknown

And there
lies ingenious

She’s back again
Climbs inside me
Like a virus
Just waiting
To be noticed

Blank-minded
Body-obsessed
And invisible

All I feel is you
In my head
In each cell

I draw you out
Like you’re my last resort
In knowing how it feels to be alive

Why can’t you stay away
I feel you come back for more
When I have nothing left to hold on to

Can there be a deadline to living
when all you know about yourself
could never be truly accepted by your loved ones

When all others see you as 
is a piece of meat
to devour
or a soul 
to shatter for their own
twisted entertainment 

Too many nights
I've wished for death to take me
but every morning I lie awake
overcoming the shadows 
of fear and insecurity

But it will never be over

Falling in to myself again
I hear her call my name
I pray that she’d save me this time

She pulls me back in
every single time
She know’s I’m still fragile

I fall into her grasp
Hoping it’s the last time

This disease that carries me
Just may be the end of me.

I wish I had
the selflessness
the courage
to face death
the one that I'd predicted years from now

I want to run from it all
from my thoughts
that keep me in chains

From the misery that is 
my constant companion

How many relationships
will it take for me to see
that I am forever alone

When will I realize
that I am
to a point
unlovable
when all I 
really want 
is to be seen
and cherished

A moment of silence
a shadow in the back of my mind
I don't think I can get away for good this time

Out of the blue
she comes back
it comes back
like it never left
as if its telling me
I am it
and it is me

A part of me is grateful
another part of me is in despair
I didn't think it still
would have a tight hold of me
after all these years

When will it end
would I even want it to end
when will I be free from it

Or is this thing alone
already a sign of me being free 
a sign that life is meant to go on
no matter how happy
or unwell I'd forever be

You feel a part of you chip away
shh, don't say a word
don't let anyone see
this is our little secret

Every time
every second
always longing
for a way out

To stop feeling
his haunting words
his sickening touch

Pressing down
her mind too corrupted
to let her breathe

Nowhere else
to turn
but inwards

Deep
and safe
inside her mind

A world of
self destructive love
Her only way out
never giving up

You take a breathe
Of what i exhale
You become all of me
You savor the emptiness
You plant within my mind

Ever so slowly
It grows
Darker and heavier

With every episode
It takes me away from myself

It steals my heart
And disfigures my thoughts

Every part of me is lost
A wish that could never be fulfilled
Only a star
Bound to implode

A familiar sense
of longing
and hopelessness.

I feel her reach
into my mind.

Discreetly twisting the neurones
making me lose all sense of control.

What I feel
is never what I see.

I feel distorted
and completely alone.

I’m my own barrier.

This invisible wall
that cannot be seen
or broken down.

My safe haven
My cell.

When you feel trapped in life
Look up at the sky
You’ll know you’re never truly alone.

Somewhere out there
There’s somebody who is feeling
the exact same way you are.

Somewhere out there
There’s somebody who cares.

Security is what I crave
and words that
allow me to express
my deepest needs,
my darkest fears,
and unfathomable longings

Enveloped by frisson
as certain words
seep, like silk
into my veins
and there
lies everlasting
serenity 
all that I am

Life is unpredictable,
life is scary,
but maybe,
Life only wants us to grow and learn.
That even in the darkest times,
we can thrive and find meaning,
why we exist, find a purpose.

We only see the truth
hiding between the lines
after the storm.

Hugs
are silent cures

For mending hearts
and broken minds

When you can’t
find the words

Sometimes,
hugs speak
louder than
words.

My heart feels like
it's about to shut down
from all the truths
that only I know

People view me
as kind
selfless
heartfelt
with empathy

Yet once they witness
my darker side
this inner demon
that is always
a few steps behind me

Once they see
the ashes and smeared blood
tainted within my mind and heart

I am once again alone
alone to pick up the pieces 
of a love that never was

These scars I cannot hide
from the world.
I’m still ashamed of them all.

But there’s nothing I can do
to change the fact that
I needed it to save me from myself.

They are shameful stories
itched deeply into my skin.

I was only human.

These wounds are my story
and how I overcame the worst.

Self love and acceptance.
I can do this.

We are all imperfectly perfect.

You saw right through me
the day we met.

And once again
I thought to myself
If this was going to be another meeting
that I would regret.

Although little did I know
that you were not like the others I've met
For you only showed me generosity and respect.

I will never forget the night we slept
you hold me close to your chest
embracing and consoling me as I wept.

Your love that you've given me
will always be cherished and kept.
I never knew that I'd deserve someone like you.

I promise you
that I can't be any happier.

You look me in the eyes 
With a smile so reassuring
You tell me that everything is going to be all right

You hold me close
As my world slowly repairs itself
Turning from ashes to light

You feed my heart and soul
Reviving every cell in my being

You give me all that you have
To save me from myself
You make me whole

You cure me
You complete me

The iridescent light
Lingers in to her eyes.

I feel silence envelope me
As I stare in awe.

Her voice whispers
She will come back to me.

I watch her footsteps,
Slowly fade.

With the sound of the rustling leaves
An imprint left
in to the soft soiled ground.

As I see her
She smiles back at me.

Her presence aglow.
I feel her embrace me.

A last goodbye.

Our last moment together on earth.
As we silently cross paths
Only to find
that we were't meant to be.

As I say my last goodbye.
Tears stream down my eyes.
For I feel guilt
In not understanding you better
Not being patient enough.

But, now I see.
I did all that I could
To give you time and respect.
Only to realize you never loved me.

You were too selfish
and afraid to love me back maybe.

I changed my self for you.
But
It seems you never realized what I did
Only to make you see what I would do for you.

I only wanted affection.
But,
You could care less
About making me feel cared for.

Although,
Maybe I was too needy for you.
In the end,
It's better that I broke up with you.

You taught me to never expect things.
To love myself more
In case, the one you love does't love you back.

Everything happens in life
For a good reason.
Whether it's good or bad.

Life teaches us more than we think it does.

The calm always comes after the storm.

When you’re too sensitive for this world
Don’t give up
We all have a reason to be here
Our own unique paths

You may be vulnerable at times
It doesn't mean for a second
That you're broken

From there, you can fill
Your cup back up again