I'm a shard of glass
Splintered in to everyone's lives
Once I implode
Once depression swallows me whole

My mind goes blank
I feel nothing but emptiness
And acts of self harm
swarm inside my heart

When will I feel like I'm enough
When will it all cease to exist
When can I feel unshadowed
by this darkness

Words are what truly saved me
Despite all the harmful acts
I'd put upon myself

Written words became my voice
I couldn't vocalize

Words broke me down
And then recreated me

I will continue
to live and breathe words

Why am I so capable
of destroying myself
in ways that most
can never understand

A constant reminder
I give myself
that I am nothing
yet something

My heart expands
as vast as the sky
I only long
for the that one person
who would decipher my every motions
when insecure
who'd value my every flaws
and scars on my skin

I pray for the night to take me away
knowing all I meet
is better off without me
intruding their lives

I long for that special someone
To take me away from myself
to resurrect me
from all that I am
all that I carry

This constant war
against my mind and heart

Naked and alone
I keep myself here
Where he placed me
So long ago

I'm keeping myself here
Because it feels like it's the
only thing I've ever known
The one thing he silently
taught me through his actions

I can't seem to undo
all that he did
Emotionally and
psychologically
He trapped me
within myself

What will it take for
me to feel free
What will it take for
me to just give in

Why did he have
to hurt me

Flower petals drift into the stream
stars fall from the sky
as they light up the earth

So close to my heart
I remember the day we first met

Your warmth
your love
your presence flows in and out of me

And like silk you slip away in to the distance
the wind taking you freely into the skies

I long to be with you again
I long to hear your voice
be in your loving embrace once more

You are the light
that always shines brightly
when I'm lost in the dark

Please don't ever change

Can there be a deadline to living
when all you know about yourself
could never be truly accepted by your loved ones

When all others see you as 
is a piece of meat
to devour
or a soul 
to shatter for their own
twisted entertainment 

Too many nights
I've wished for death to take me
but every morning I lie awake
overcoming the shadows 
of fear and insecurity

But it will never be over

Seeping through
freedom with just a blink of an eye
wipsing through the air
up into the sky
becoming one with the clouds above

Birds circling around the
invisible aura of light
that this universe beholds

Enchanted by this lullaby
of simplicity
it soothes my core
in knowing it's all right
to be where I am right now

One leaf at a time
we'll turn it
at our own pace

Reminding ourselves
that we aren't alone

Alone but not
when others fail to treat you well
and when you suffer from demons within

You rely on those demons
to come and save you
all over again
a concept I believe
others without demons 
can ever comprehend

Because people can't be trusted
because I'm too ingenuous to see
overly kind and take their side
instead of my own

In my hearts eyes
it's crystal clear 
that I can't always be accepted
who would
but my demons do
so why seek love

Anyone would see me as insane
but I chose to be this way
because I'm done 
burdening others that fall for me
I should be fine on my own

A  twist in my story
created by an unspeakable act

He touched her
and in an instant
he chipped away a piece of her

Self-blame and self-hate
consumed her entirely

Her whole world was bleeding out
all her hurt and unstable emotions
being able to feel alive was everything to her

And despite fearing touch
she craved it at the same time
still a never-ending struggle

Forever bearing a heavy shadow
of doubt
insecurity
and a lost sense of self

I forgive him
but I can't undo the
damage within me
I can't erase these scars

His actions will
live within me
for as long as I'm alive

A moment of silence
a shadow in the back of my mind
I don't think I can get away for good this time

Out of the blue
she comes back
it comes back
like it never left
as if its telling me
I am it
and it is me

A part of me is grateful
another part of me is in despair
I didn't think it still
would have a tight hold of me
after all these years

When will it end
would I even want it to end
when will I be free from it

Or is this thing alone
already a sign of me being free 
a sign that life is meant to go on
no matter how happy
or unwell I'd forever be

Write write write
Write to breathe
Write to feel

Write to forget
Write to survive
the turmoil inside my mind

Write in order
to see the light
at the end of the tunnel again.

You took away so much
left me in the dark
without anyone to trust
or any hope to hold on to

You broke me down
and the belief you'd engraved within me
changed me completely

As a person I was nothing
just an empty shell for others to
dig into
to break me down even further

I’m still feeling my way
through the darkness of you

You slated me with your actions and words
I’m still a slave to you

I love you
and yet I fear you

You’re my living nightmare
and I hate myself for
wanting to be close to you

You’ll never let me free will you
you’ll have me dead
before I can bring your
unspeakable actions
into the light

Music brings us together
We all lean on it
at times.

To feel understood
and heard.

Falling in to myself again
I hear her call my name
I pray that she’d save me this time

She pulls me back in
every single time
She know’s I’m still fragile

I fall into her grasp
Hoping it’s the last time

This disease that carries me
Just may be the end of me.

I need this moment
to fuel my heart

Take me away from
all my insecurities
and make me anew

Consumed in the shadows
I take the risk

Soaring
and weaving
into the unknown

And there
lies ingenious

When you feel trapped in life
Look up at the sky
You’ll know you’re never truly alone.

Somewhere out there
There’s somebody who is feeling
the exact same way you are.

Somewhere out there
There’s somebody who cares.

Security is what I crave
and words that
allow me to express
my deepest needs,
my darkest fears,
and unfathomable longings

Enveloped by frisson
as certain words
seep, like silk
into my veins
and there
lies everlasting
serenity 
all that I am

Life is unpredictable,
life is scary,
but maybe,
Life only wants us to grow and learn.
That even in the darkest times,
we can thrive and find meaning,
why we exist, find a purpose.

We only see the truth
hiding between the lines
after the storm.

Hugs
are silent cures

For mending hearts
and broken minds

When you can’t
find the words

Sometimes,
hugs speak
louder than
words.

My heart feels like
it's about to shut down
from all the truths
that only I know

People view me
as kind
selfless
heartfelt
with empathy

Yet once they witness
my darker side
this inner demon
that is always
a few steps behind me

Once they see
the ashes and smeared blood
tainted within my mind and heart

I am once again alone
alone to pick up the pieces 
of a love that never was

These scars I cannot hide
from the world.
I’m still ashamed of them all.

But there’s nothing I can do
to change the fact that
I needed it to save me from myself.

They are shameful stories
itched deeply into my skin.

I was only human.

These wounds are my story
and how I overcame the worst.

Self love and acceptance.
I can do this.

We are all imperfectly perfect.

You look me in the eyes 
With a smile so reassuring
You tell me that everything is going to be all right

You hold me close
As my world slowly repairs itself
Turning from ashes to light

You feed my heart and soul
Reviving every cell in my being

You give me all that you have
To save me from myself
You make me whole

You cure me
You complete me

You saw right through me
the day we met.

And once again
I thought to myself
If this was going to be another meeting
that I would regret.

Although little did I know
that you were not like the others I've met
For you only showed me generosity and respect.

I will never forget the night we slept
you hold me close to your chest
embracing and consoling me as I wept.

Your love that you've given me
will always be cherished and kept.
I never knew that I'd deserve someone like you.

I promise you
that I can't be any happier.

The iridescent light
Lingers in to her eyes.

I feel silence envelope me
As I stare in awe.

Her voice whispers
She will come back to me.

I watch her footsteps,
Slowly fade.

With the sound of the rustling leaves
An imprint left
in to the soft soiled ground.

As I see her
She smiles back at me.

Her presence aglow.
I feel her embrace me.

A last goodbye.

Our last moment together on earth.
As we silently cross paths
Only to find
that we were't meant to be.

As I say my last goodbye.
Tears stream down my eyes.
For I feel guilt
In not understanding you better
Not being patient enough.

But, now I see.
I did all that I could
To give you time and respect.
Only to realize you never loved me.

You were too selfish
and afraid to love me back maybe.

I changed my self for you.
But
It seems you never realized what I did
Only to make you see what I would do for you.

I only wanted affection.
But,
You could care less
About making me feel cared for.

Although,
Maybe I was too needy for you.
In the end,
It's better that I broke up with you.

You taught me to never expect things.
To love myself more
In case, the one you love does't love you back.

Everything happens in life
For a good reason.
Whether it's good or bad.

Life teaches us more than we think it does.

The calm always comes after the storm.