Pharmacea
Come and renew us
Pour out the new us
Lessen our pain
Soap in our beer
Doesn't faze us
Purple haze us
Over and again
Take away our silly lack
Sure it seems to bring some knack
How it seems so, but in reality
Real malady
Only takes hold
Over the bold
Markings that my essence
Scribbled in your presence

The world is in chaos
Rationality is dead

My role-models are ******
And I'm stuck in my head


The dread! The dread!
It ***** at my legs

It's muck and mire
Here in the dregs
~
From a farther
            vantage point~
It is  ...comical


So
      annoint
                  Your heads,
Adorn your beds
Eat your breads (full of gluten)

Stick your boot in
To the mud
And laugh aloud
Stand
Be proud

Of all your minuscule kingdoms

I just don't know what to make of it
Give it all to Him, you said
I think I need some time away
You both seem so different than in the old days

We're apart when we're together
The tensions grow and shrink,
N always wanting me to stay,
Yet spending our whole time on links

I don't know what to make of it
It's the isolation amidst the masses
The loneliness when we aren't alone
Pushing me toward the brink

How am I supposed to deal with it all?
Give it all to Him?

How is that done, exactly?

Fine.

HELLO THERE LORD, can you HEAR ME?
     <crickets>

WHAT AM I TO DO WITH THIS UNBEARABLE WEIGHT?

AND THE LUMP
IN MY THROAT?

...And the fear...
...And the hate...

It is hard
Here in this incredibly strange place
With no access to you
Save the memory of your face

Alive and awake here
In my own skin
The pain is too difficult
And so I fall again

But now taking inventory
Observing my own thoughts
And noting without judgment
The actions and the oughts

I'm tangled and impeded
In circumstance, it seems
Perhaps I'll learn to let go...

Please visit me in dreams

I don't know what it is I should do
And I don't know what I should say
I'm not equipped to deal with this ****
Your life (all lives) slipping away

I wish there existed a way
To just ...pull you right back down
For another year, and another day
Wish that we could keep you around
I'm not ready, not at all
I can't deal with the wages of the fall
I thought you were going to rally and
Stay and hold your firstborn's hand ...

Look,

I was glad to be your son

(Just don't ever tell anyone)

...And you don't know
   Just where you want to be
   And you don't care
   It's a side show
   Will you learn to haul them in
   With your fresh snare


When you are down
You got to get up
You got to go show
You'll survive
Another day's gone
Another night too
Oh my, good for you
You're alive

The gold floating down
And your casting-crown
And fillings that
magically turned
What good are they now
They've changed you, but how?
What change did it make
When you burned?


   No you don't know
   Just where you want to be
   And you don't care
   Well it seems tricks
   Aren't good enough for me
   So the sheep stare

It's more akin to touch than to sight ...or sound

A focused vibration
                           felt within my bones

My eyes can't spot it
My ears don't detect even the smallest whisper when it begins

And at its crescendo, I'm buzzing and sharp


And aloud, I say, "Yes LORD?  Your servant is here!"

And then it subsides
And it's no longer clear


Did I feel that?
Was it real?

I doubt it;

I feel...

That even if angels came down to my street
And lifted me up - right off of my feet

And for minutes, held me airborne
Two yards off the ground!
I'm certain, the moment that I was brought down...

I would doubt my own senses
That's why I can't be
The chosen, the faithful,
Who's allowed to see

Prone to scoff at the stories
Of loved ones who'd swear
There is something much bigger than ourselves out there

Prone to wander and wallow
Prone to spit, not to swallow
The stories of old
As I stray from the fold

Where to begin?
With a spin! With a sin!
But you've spilt all your wine
Down your chinny-chin-chin...

The neighbors are talking
Though I hate to relay
The concern that they show
For it drains fun away

You're just having fun
So you say, so you say
The spinning helps get you
Up, up and away

Your advances are tainted
By slur and by sway
You stumble and fumble
What an awkward display

Ah, now I sound judgy
My teeth grin and gnash
And I know I've grown pudgy
From all of the hash

But my tells are subtle
Not in people's face
You're stuck in a puddle
You'll fall on your face

I want to repair it;
We want to be free;
We'll **** and impair it,
...Him, you, and me.

Oh the screamers are screaming
And clawing and mooning
They soon will be dreaming
They're crammed in and spooning
If it weren't for my many interventions tonight
Surely, they would have, committed a crime
One, or more, would be out of the fight
Down to the mat for the very last time
But now, I'm here...as chaperone;
As mediator; as bodyguard,
They unite against me here alone
In this bedroom prison yard

It is the eve of your leaving
I cast about for tasks
To occupy my mind
I emote very little
Not wanting to seem anxious
Or blue

I trust you will take care of yourself...

And your companions

Know your limits.

Please,
Be ever so careful
Watch out for danger

Look lively and remember us
The Edge is no stranger
But tread lightly

That sadness won't be quelled
With reckless abandon

Here I am again going on
And on.

I will be thinking of you
Awaiting your return
In one piece

Epitaph i

He loved
He tried
He lived
He cried
He fought
His head
He rests
He's dead


Epitaph ii

Here lies Haschi-moto
His eyes are clouded over
His blood is thick as pudding
So let him feed the clover


Epitaph iii

When life is at its end
You'll end up here, my friend

Beneath the earthen quilt
A dearth of fear and guilt


Epitaph iv

Life was very hard
But now I have some rest
Asleep here in this lovely yard
With no drum beating in my chest

So peaceful is this time
In bed, beneath the ground
I'll rest-up with no cares
'Til Christ returns with trumpet sound


Epitaph v

Here lies the tired vessel
Drained entirely of its hustle
Here's hoping he won't wrestle
With fire, sulphur,
shredded muscle

He praised his silent God above
For all that He did give
For teaching him to cope and love
And the blessed life he got to live

To
One who is...

Someday
When I grow young
Sitting at your feet

And

I will
Forever after
Feel like I'm complete

Then

You will
With joy and laughter
Gather all the souls

And

We will
Completely understand
For whom the bell tolls

The house is empty
Except for your ghost
Lumbering past
Legos and Lincoln Logs

Vacant expression
Weary eyes
Licking your lips you lie down

And the only weather
Which would soothe
Would be a rain
                        of frogs

At lunch with Mr. morality-now...
*
Enter Tommy
The bureaucrat
With much aplomb
He'll chew the fat

He will tell you
What it takes
To make the partner-
ships he makes

And how to play
The politics game
And deal with those
Who smear your name

You need to know
Exactly what
Motivates
That pain-in-your-****

Find out what
They care about
And use some leverage
To beat the lout

Apply some pressure
And you'll find
They'll change their ways
Or lose their mind

Oh, while you're
At it, pray for all
To hear the savior's
Beckon call

That's what Jesus
Of course would do
It's worked for me
It'll work for you

These apparently
Discordant tips
Call into question
All your quips

The restless soul
                             heaves a low heavy moan

Of loneliness
                                     when we’re not alone

We all have inner
                                              sadness at times

Enjoy this brief visit
                                   before the clock chimes

I need to write a brand new poem
Of hope and strength,
Of pride

I’m fettered, chained, shackled, bound,
The old trope, at length,
Descried

    But

The scaly skin is thus removed
By claws that gently peel
The rind

“It all comes”, the student said,
“Of slumbering in caves,
I find”

Tiddlywinks and rabbits
Hares and hinkey habits
Everybody
     Elicits élan
          When ev'rything's comin' 'round

Invisible personal savior
Pondering human behavior...
Maybe increase
     Willpower in these
          Organic inventions
               You've made from the ground?

In Rochester, on East Avenue,
A greyish soul treks off to work,
Throws back the coffee handily,
Sleepily pays the sales clerk-

His gaze is now transfixed by a tree
Colorful and flowering
Wishes he could stay outside
Alas, the tasks are towering…

He checks and sets the openness
Of his eyes in his image in the glass,
So as not
     to make it seem
          he’s as gone
               as he is;
Stumbles past the guard, plops down on his ***,

Planted thus, in front of his monitor,
In a cubicle, first floor, across from the lab,
Curses his fate for landing him here,
In this windowless slogging, dark and drab.

And when the end of days arrives
And we are queued and cattling
Oh we can praise the Lord for death
For then ends all the prattling

The soreness stiffly settles in
So sit and stew and ponder thus
If there were anything to sin
Why would we wait here for this bus?

The scale is so at odds with us
Morphing, shrinking, chasm-crack,
The only way is on the bus
The driver, bless him, takes us back

My thesis is almost complete
I stayed up late to edit it
So would you read it in your seat?
It may be crap but could it fit?

Within the mediocrity
The realm in which we write
So early in the hour of tea
Or later in the nerves of night?

Someone slams your precious art
Remain Open
Callously pokes and prods your heart
Remain Open
The world wants you to close the door
Remain Open
Wants you curled up on the floor
*Remain Open

The old dog shudders for a moment
Then completes his drawn out breath
Then the shudder returns again
Soon he will meet his death

It grieves me so that I cannot fix you
So much tragedy has clung to us of late
But you won't imbibe hardly a bite
And it doesn't bode well for your fate

I know that time will take us all
But I'm not ready to let you go
Here want a steak? Want this ball?
Why do you lie there breathing slow?

Get up old man and gnaw this bone
You can have whatever you desire
One more walk and one more bath
One more lie-down by the fire

You were so loyal lonesome friend
So soft and kind and warm and true
And I do not like to face the end
Especially this, the end of you

This is the time
This is the place
Wash off the grime
That covers your face
Step toward the goal
One step at a time
Each step takes its toll
Yet moves toward sublime

This is the day
As they say, as they say,
He has made, so be bold!
So be bold!

So hitch up your stockings
And follow the fold
Ignore all the mockings
And jeers from the throng
For you'll be with Jesus
Death comes 'ere long
And death is what frees us
Is that what He said?
Not really, re-read it...
(At least what's in red)

He spoke of the kingdom
Here on earth as in heaven
And how the yeast of religious ones
All pervasive like leaven

He never said focus on the end,
That wasn't the crux of his story,
Wait for heaven, wait for heaven,
Your time
Up in glory...
No.
The story
Doesn't go that way
So depart from the fray
Seize the day, seize THIS day
Be present and realize the kingdom is here,
The kingdom is now,
Get up and get clear
With some sweat on your brow
This is the day that the LORD has made
Carpe, carpe, carpe this diem
Forget heaven-plans that you made
And soon, I think you'll see Him

Small thrush in the understory,
Speckled neck resembling the spray of notes,
Of your calliope song in all its glory,
Resplendent music, the art of throats

Comes the fiddling fiend
Comes the lascivious lingerer
Steals away, the sneak, to the bend in the creek
And lies with A lovely light

From the beckoning field
Where the battles were waged, we trade,
Furs and beads will fill their needs
And keep the moon up tonight

And illumine well the fight

Off to sleep I drift
To the land of nudes and spaceships
Same place that I've found myself in countless times before

Same but somehow different
    Funny how in dreams
    The setting always seems
    To be distortions of real places
    Here are my people, but with different faces
Warped and bent, strange incident

We're here, at "tomorrow",
Brother, my brother,
Oh sorrow, oh sorrow,
One orthodoxy for another...

When it comes to worry,
You need a reprieve,
And maybe, just maybe
A place to grieve?

Much like you
I didn’t know him
I didn’t show him
How I feel...

But to him, truth
Was absolute,
And his force of will
Was resolute.

The intercessor,
Heaven bless her,
Keep her, sweep her,
I am lesser.

Do I think there’s more?  
Well, just a smidgen…
Avoiding confrontation
THAT’S my religion

Not sure I can say it smooth
Prove true or false? It can't be done.
Inviting bridge or gun, forsooth,
And hence the proof becomes less fun

We need comfort, health, and grace,
We need to wake and clean our space,
We need healing, let's not delay,
A fresh reminder that we're okay

I await your return and long for your embrace so
Have you received the messages I’ve sent you?
I was conversing with you only moments ago,
But still I cannot reach you.
     Are tests what you teach to?

Come to us, please, come on down,
See the pain and anguish in so many faces
Remember the last time you visited this town?
On the ceilings there are still  some scorched & faded traces
     Of the fire, once extant in these windblown faces

Studiously learning what’s in the Mazatlán,
They caught each other’s eye as she sat in a corner booth,
The gleam he saw aglow there, he began to dwell upon,
The radiance of her countenance was akin to light and truth

He joked and mugged and walked a wire,
She gestured, and, the flames grew higher,
She told him of her man betrothed,
He shuddered but appeared unmoved.

But growing way down, deep inside him,
There welled a thirst, so powerfully pure,
He tried to bury it, to push it down,
But drawing him, pulling him, her enticing allure,

They stood calf-deep near Ontario’s shore
The moon smiled down and charged their glow
She’d lower her eyes and his heart would soar
That moon knew things that she didn’t know

For he whispered to the moon his heart’s desire
That this fair maiden would one day be his,
And the mother of the fates was summoned by wire
And soon, on the island, it was sealed with a kiss!

And she changed her destiny and his heart leapt for joy!
She could not have known how happy she made him;
There were fireworks and magic for that unseasoned boy
He was glad his thirsty thoughts had betrayed him

Fast forward five years, to a kneeler on the altar
A bond was forged there - which never will falter
And darling new creatures now fill their book
And he is even more smitten than at that first look

A man left a so-called "good career" to follow his heart, to pursue work that he thought would be fulfilling...
And he bled-out into his art.
The old self, and fear, he set to killing.
Although he was paid far less,
And his finances became a mess...
But a hint of a smile emerged all on its own sometimes
He spent his days with pen in hand and verses in his mind...

The kingdom of heaven is like this:
A sower sowed some seeds,
But the ground looked too rocky,
And the ground appeared too thorny,
But the sower sowed there anyway

And the worries of the world and the lack of rootedness tried to choke out the green growth
But this life is not yet extinguished,
And there's a crack in the pavement through which the narrow chutes are peeking,
And the green apogees are pointing toward the sun.

He who has ears, let him hear.

And now begins
The guideless era
As my guide has departed Terra,
Gone, but surely not forgotten,
He's left...
His form is pale and rotten.
Slack jaw
Reveals the row of teeth
     A row above
          A row beneath
I perceive slight movement in his chest,
But a touch confirms
He's now at rest
His nostrils drawn
His ankles crossed
His hand is limp
And now the cost of sinful man
...is paid in full for this fond friend,
There's no remaining time to spend
At leisure in his kingly presence,
But he's left behind his essence,
And from him we all have gained
A starting wisdom, we were trained
To laugh and cry and live and pray,
To seek truth,
                  to love,
                            and point the way.

Now to Him who is abundantly able,
Receive this servant at your table
Dress him in your softest gowns,
Kingly colors, shining crowns,
With a smile upon his face,
Doused with your amazing grace!