There are things about me,
Things that I do.
That makes me hate myself,
when I talk to you.

See you remind me,
That I could get clean.
But addiction is so strong,
When it's methamphetamine.

It's not like any other,
I've done lots of drugs before.
But this stuff is toxic,
I hate it but need more.

Can you even imagine,
What it's like for me?
Hating it every moment,
And wishing to be clean.

Every time I take a hit,
It nearly brings me to tears.
I know it is the reason,
I've missed Lily's first 2 years.

Can I even stop using it?
Want to but don't know I can.
Years of pain I've been numbing,
I just don't understand.

Like every waking moment,
Of my life is nothing but ****.
So as I sit there thinking all this,
I exhale and take one more hit...

He had promised her the world,
When first they had met.
Fast forward about 4 years,
All she's been given was regret.
Trust and loyalty broken,
To many times to count,
She Gave him all her love,
And he just threw it out.
Never did he ever care for her,
She finally realized,
Every word he spoke to her,
Each of them all lies.
Nothing but abuse he gave,
The only tangible gift.
All she ever wanted,
Was to just be only his.
And still he always would cheat and lie,
and when faced with the proof,
he just denied.
So you see her time it's wasted,
But she won't give up yet.
Because shes stuck there waiting,
For the man she met to come back...

This world is so crazy and so full of pain,
her heart slowly breaks when she hears his name.
No, but it's not for the reasons that people expect,
it's for all the good memories she can not forget.
Regret fills her soul when she thinks of her life,
wishing she hadn't answered his phone call that night.
Never walked down the path that led her to him,
never starting a game that neither would win.
Never making mistakes she thought she never could.
Never believing he'd change,
just 'cuz he said that he would.
Never wondering why she was not good enough.
Never thinking abuse was actually love.
She'd never wonder where her smile went,
and why did it fade?
Did it go all at once,
or by little each day?
Reality hits her when she re-lives her mistakes,
And as regret slowly drowns her, she feels her heart break.
  
  

-Hawley  Anne.

At first I thought I'd miss you,
after I went away.
But then I realized the truth,
you already avoid me everyday.
So I don't need to worry,
about without you what I'll do.
Because you've already taught me,
how it is living without you.
At first I thought you would miss me,
when you couldn't hold me to you.
But then I figured out the facts,
you don't need me cuz you have you.

Don't know how to accept the truth,
That I know is real.
But your actions make very obvious,
what you say is not how you feel.
I beg of you time and again,
to just be honest, please.
But it's obvious you never cared,
or even listened to my needs.
You simply wish to have your way,
doing what you think you must.
Even though it has done,
nothing but **** my trust.
You always say you promise,
then rage out if I ask.
But you still hold all those habits,
that show me you put me last.
Why do you insist on claiming,
that you do love me?
When lies betrayal and abuse,
are the only gifts you've given me.
I've begged you " please stop cheating"
I'll beg you one last time.
Cuz' if this time nothing changes,
then I'll have to say goodbye.
I deserve honesty
and a partner I can trust.
I had wished it could be you,
but I'm almost ready to give up.

I've been resisting this for quite a while,
I've been avoiding it and been in denial.
I didn't want to have to say goodbye,
I really wanted to believe you'd try.
But now I've come to see the truth,
there's no more love for me from you.
It hurts me more and more each day,
I wonder why your love did fade.
You seem to only want me or choose,
To see me if I have something that you can use.
That's not fair and it's not love,
Love me truly? I wish you could've.
But soon ill meet the one to heal my heart,
someone who'll care  my true counterpart.
I do deserve and I will find,
A partner who WANTS to give me their time.
Their love will never have to be forced,
because for them loving me,
won't be a chore.
You can do you now and I will do me,
and then we can see how happy we'll be.
I will find someone to love me for real,
and maybe one-day yourself you will heal.
If that day comes I'll be happy for you,
but please don't come back,
I don't want a round two.
So I am a bit sorry,
But I've given you time,
to prove that you loved me and that your only mine.
I no-longer desire  being stuck here with you,
you can go find someone who won't care what you do.
Its been a long time now that I've put off this letter,
never saying goodbye because goodbye means forever.
Now though I'm ready this is my last thing to say,
I loved you for real but it's Goodbye Shay.