Jelly beans
In a bowl
On a table
Next to you
Wish I could
Take a handful
Throw them all
At the window
Sitting cold
Reflecting through
All the sun
Shines on the floor
And the chairs
You need a broom

Joe McCormick never lies
He's honest
And caring
He carries good vibes
He tells us his stories
And takes lots of shrooms
He tells us he loves us but he's not in the mood
I cut myself open and say look at me
You're the dad I never had
You're the calm in all my dreams
Joe McCormick barely works
But he has alot of degrees
He writes until he's bored and then he smokes some ****
He misses California
He misses LSD
But now he's married and aging
Hoping no one sees

I can't love just one person
I tried for a long time
My mind wanders and my heart aches
I find myself leaning on your shoes
I find myself smelling your hair
The therapist says I'm bored
I know what would fix it
She suggests painting
I don't want to paint
I don't want to knit
I'd like to see him again
I will see him again
But I can't be with him
And I can't think of him
And I can't love just one person

Pea hen high
Shot down
Doesn’t fly
Quite
So much anymore
Still the same color
Feathers much fuller
But still she lay from their ray

Dark and cold
I saw a ladder
Towering so high
My neck, it broke
Power and status waved down to me
As I climbed onto your empty body
So gold and friendly at the top
I just have to get up up up
While you stroke down down down
I just have to hold tight
and hide my frown
Tongue like a tack
**** causes laughter
Staring at the floor
Waiting for after
Tile that hugs
Walls that judge
I'm ready to climb back down

I wish I wasn’t wet
Or on my knees
I wish I didn’t like you standing over me
I wish your **** didn’t taste so sweet
And I wish I had a dash of morality
I wish someone could tell me why
The best gift I ever got was a black eye
Why a hug isn’t as good as a slap on the thigh
and why
My god given talent is staying in line
I wish I knew how to say no
But if I did I wouldn’t know where to go
Except not with you
Or him
I’d be alone
And your name looks like a ****** thrown out on the side of a country road

I love your hair
You’re a beautiful girl
Though you wish you weren’t
Your face is more than I can put into words
Your body is lovely and you know it’s true
It makes it more so because no man can touch you
But I won’t touch you either
And I’m sorry for that
You’re a beautiful girl but you can do better than that

I held you close until you let go
And now I'm here, alone
Will you think about me down here?
No, no you won't
Away on your mountain top
Where nothing is ever as it seems
While I sit and rot
and you climb to the top
will you ever think of me?

Dark nights
Embers
And
Merit ultra lights
Your try
Is lower than my
Eyes
Hello
I'm crying
On the phone
Can I carve my heart out of your sandbox yet?

Never could quite get it right
Too loose or too tight
Too dark or too light
Too fast or too slow
Too high or too low
Too much or too little
The whole thing an unsolvable riddle
Just couldn’t figure it out much
That’s what I get for not having no luck

My heart flitters and my feet shout
my legs shake
and I want you to tell me all the things you love about me and I’ll pretend all of them are true

Broken
Door
Handle
My heart on a string
Dangling dangling
Crashing with each swing
And me on your chain
And me on your chain
Window
Won't
Open
Rocking rocking
Back and forth a beat
And me at your feet
And me at your feet

I can still see you sitting outside
Next to me
Talking
I wish I could

Not good enough
Not quite suffice
I saw you walk toward me
Pointing your newly sharpened knife
And as I braced for impact
I remembered I’m not even good enough
to penetrate

My mother
Drinks like a fish
And lies like a dog
My mother
Stabs deep and twists
And twists
I scream before I go under but you push me in
Which I could forgive had you not been smiling

Bounce bounce
On your ****
I’d love to make you want it
Yearn pine
My heart just cries
For something you never wanted

Like waves strong then soft
my mood passes
You see it and feel it
I feel it and know
I know that if I’m smiling I won’t want you
And if I’m frowning you won’t want me
I’m in the dark
Or you’re in the dark
But the cave never closes

I like to swim
In
Doors
Of coffee filled rooms
I dream of you
And God you
Feel
Like
Brand new shoes

I like to watch my head spin
Out of body
Experience
My anger takes me there
Through a sandstorm
With a heartbeat like mine
Slapping mad slicing and gritting
My eyes

Last night
I spilled insecurities all over the floor
I slipped and slid
I crawled on my knees
And climbed my way up the wall
Into your arms
But I never stopped thinking
The stains never go away
And I’m still not okay

Bricks on top of me
One by one
Click clack ting
My heart
Beat
Beat
…

You break my heart
Sticky
Gooey
It pulls apart
So easy
And then you
Smash it back together
So easy

I can feel the cold
Coming off of my skin
You
******* whatever you can dream
Indoor fantasies
So much freedom being free
Ice melting in my mouth
Ice melting in your mouth
Fields of green
Fields of you
A trumpet sounds
Tearing my pregnant heart in two

My key doesn't work
Quite right
In the door it twists
Sometimes
Handle up
Handle down
Hit the top
And click
Still nothing
The cabinets in this room
Belong to you
If you want them to
Come in in-between times
You can
If you want to
But if the door is locked
I can't help you
It sticks
It slides
It's scrapes
I've had to ask several times for help
But they don't know how to
After I've tried so many times
They sometimes will try too
And hit the top
And turn the handle up
Then down
Twist the key
And click
And how easy they make it seem

Once again
My mouth runneth over
Thanks be to god that I can talk my way into forgiveness

I don’t know why
I’m mad at you
Or why some words
******* unglued
Or why I love when you touch me
But hate talking to you
I want to scream your name
But keep mine
I want to tell you I’m sorry
And that I’m not fine

I'm the one you didn't care to name
You formed an attachment
You rigged a game
And watered a plant
Just enough to grow
It shrivels and reaches
Withing the sun's glow
So it should thank the window
Yes, the one you placed the plant in
Yes, thank you.
Narcissistic *****

I’ll never be
Good enough
To anyone
No matter
How far down they are
I climb lower and lower
This time I dropped
And still
I am nothing

The couch, so soft
My foot is stuck
Between the pillows
You forgot to fluff

My twisted hue
On doorstop eyes
With crystal windows
Drip drop drain
My velvet hair
On tear stained blues
Back bend summer
Screen door warmth
On a cement porch

Knife in my heart
Breathing hard
Easy to feel
Cold veins
You’ve changed
My fault
Slow play
They win
I’ve gained
Truth hurts
Toothache

Me no importa
Me no siento
Yo quiero un escalera
Pero no lo busco
Yo quiero el sol y la luna y estrellas

Crawling toward a light
A little warm light
Campfire lantern stuck in time
When the glow hits my hands I start to dance
Will I ever change
Don’t patronize me
Get off your bended knee
I don’t need you on the same level as me
My eyes are not the things I’m hoping you see
My thighs are the size they are for your hands to squeeze
And I’ve had many days of bruises on them
And many days of milky white
Don’t small talk with me
Don’t tell me what you want me to hear
I see you hanging on my words
It’s cute
And as soon as it’s in my grasp
It becomes my responsibility

Never wanted **** more after I had satisfied your urges
It just wasn’t my experience like you said it was
I don’t enjoy competing when racing for the greater good
Even with the incentives
I never hated you because you hated me
It hasn’t been my experience to fight against jealousy
I only like to swim in feelings not compare travesties

In the ending of
all that starts with love
all that lies ahead
all that feels nothing
I still think of you
and all the things you'd do
my bruises melted off
and now I'm feeling lost
I can only try
to leave until you pine
for something you can't taste
and if the apartment window stays like it is
and the pantomime outside continues to spin
I can't stay and settle in
I can't waste myself on content

I hate to say it
To your face
You make me
Want to ****
The chase
I had to call you
Just to hear you say
Nothing
And when you didnt answer
I knew you were
At least
Awake

You can have
Your cake
And you can eat it
too
And I will
Move on
Away
From what was me and you
And on summer nights
When I am wanting you
I'll **** somebody else

Your name
Shoots my heart into two
Your name
Makes me come unglued
Your name throws me against the wall
Your name rubs my **** ever so soft
Your name makes me beg for pain
I love you I love you I love you
Please be with me again

Trying but the shade is gone
Take it long and take it home
Wishes are all overgrown
You can still make me moan
Thinking like a scientist
Crying like a baby fit
Tell me why it is like this
Tell me why I feel like ****

On top of Panda Mountain
I saw the ocean grow
It rose above the trees
It melted all the snow
And oh to my surprise
A watermelon tree
With two pandas embracing it
Shaking like 2 leaves
And I don't know just what I saw
To be honest perfectly
And I don't know just was I saw to be perfect honestly

I know how to peel a heart
It's a punch and a kick with a bite and a twist at the end
It's the blood on my face that I don't see til morning
I know how to peel it fast and quick
A tear and a rip
A triumphant roar I scream at you
Watching you dance the same dance with the same man twirling out of the frying pan and into the arms of the fire again
With charcoal toes I hear you call again
I know how to peel a heart
But what good is it when each time I peel yours I peel mine too

It starts with a drip down my leg
My ******* wrapped around your hand
Your bruise on my neck
The sound of my heart beating in my head
Your eyes lit up
My legs spread
Your tongue licking and *******
Me shaking and pushing
Yes means no
And no means yes
It ends with a drip down your leg

If I could see across the sunny ridge
I'd make sure you saw it too and I'd fall back down again
If the Earth could grab you with it's arms
I'd make it let you go even though you'd never know what had happened
I don't need you to pay me in your false gratuity
I know your smile is nothing and aching
You never disappoint me
You're the easiest one to read
And I hope that you can see it someday
Because your mirror shines to bright for you
And the winner isn't always you
And if I threw it all away
Maybe you would see but then you'd watch yourself cry
You're such a waste of time

You can almost see her cry
Eyes filling to the brim
And when you think it’s going to happen
her heart drinks them all again

I’m January the winds did howl
Through the floor boards
And my heart
Still
We clung to them
The window shook with each shake
And the stove smoked like a train
My tears froze and my body ached
But I’d give anything to see you again

You’re a two car garage
A never do I have to ask do you still like me
You’re a bed is always made breakfast at 7
You’re a glasses on the nightstand with a book kind of man kind man
You’re the stability that I ran from and now crave
Joke is on me
My bed has been made
And you stare at me
But I dare not taste
I dare not taste that sip of watery water
That saltless bread
The missionary with the lights off ***
The how are you everyday
And I keep pulling you in
And I keep pulling you in
Even though I’m not allowed to touch

Pink socks
And bows
Silly ******

I’m trying to not
Break the rules
But you call me
And act brand new
And I’m spinning
From left to right
And I’m trying to stop
But it just don’t feel right
There’s a deep dark hole
Where a special flower grows
Where women go by **
And men go by yo
And if you know you know
If you know you know

Stab my heart
Please
Just take it from me
Rip it out
Hold it above my body
And let the blood drop down your face
Take a bite
If you'd like
So sweet
Sweeter than you thought it would be
Syrupy sweet sticky honey and crunch
Let it bleed from your tongue as you ****
**** it with no teeth the way I ****** you when you asked me
Look back down at my body
And tell me again how much you really wanted me

Drink the taste from my lips
Below you kiss what I show
To only you
As far as you know
And though I cannot hear your voice
Any
More
I still can feel your soul