I was close
I was really close
Closer than I ever am
On your lap
Kissing you
And being touched in anyway you wanted to
I was close
Almost broken open
Split in two
Doing what you asked me to
Crawling on my knees for you
Begging for you to want me too  
I was close
I was close to you
Needing you more than you ever knew

Every time I look into your eyes
I realize I’m flying too close to the sun

Fine trees of cotton white
On roads made of oil
No dreams grow here
No papers there
Swimming isn't real
I heard you say a name
In your sleep
Up here, trees don't grow
Eyes on mine
Houses shiver when it's cold
I know

In the night the tears wash ashore the salty skin
Lashes casting shadow on a lonely beach
I see you
High above I am
Held up by ***** like you
Does it still feel good to lie to me
A friendship based on my control
And the moonlight shines bright on this beach and the starlight is forevermore
But this delusion you carry isn't fair for me to keep
So I'm here lonely, combing the beach

A chicken flocks to birds who can't fly
I swat at a mind reading fly
Take me down to where the bullets shoot the sky and the writing on the walls seem to grammatically resign
Show me where the lights hum low and rent 1st knows nobody is home  
Just driving under the bridge
Where all the ancients sip and wish
And I'm down here looking at parked cars wondering where all the car parts are
It's a color of orange and green a bit of rust when you dwell in the scene it's alot of color and music and Como se dice and we're all abusive

Crinchy cratch crows
Crinchy cratch graw graw grows
Crinchy crinchy
Cratchy cratch
Cratch croo
Cratchy you

Bravo
Look at that empty bottle of Of
Look at the table
So immaculate
And quirrrrrky
So... you
And you’re so...
Lonely
Distract distract distract
You’re special
Remember?
The town that kicked you out because of your voice and hair and and and mannerisms now treasures you for being so.... you.
So... quirrrrky
So... lonely

In every man
I find you
Someone who’s lazy yet controlling too
Someone who hates me and loves me
Someone who beats me and ignores me
Someone who takes and gives nothing
Someone who cries when they’re lonely
To make me feel guilty and empty
Crazy
In every man
I find you
No matter how hard I try to lose you

I don’t know what to do
More than anything, I’d like to do you

Darlin’s arms are so hairy
Like the Sistine chapel in the 16th century
Darlin turned 16 on the 16th
But you wouldn’t know it by the way she’s been kissing anything over 18
And anything is a brick wall jumping
Doing nothing
Feeling something
While Darlin begins to learn numb
Dumb
And too young

The soul feels like an ocean
The heart a water drop
A mix of new emotions
Crash then break then stop
Only so much destruction
Before that becomes boring too
Rust turns into corrosion
Then back to nothing new

Love to love you
And pretend
Love to sink into you
So new and fresh
Love to imagine
You

All roads lead to nowhere
If nowhere is somewhere I don’t want to be
If home is an empty box
If you are a fleeting glance
And I fall for it every time
Because god said no
Even when I tried
Even when you tried
Time after time
With each failed test
Destined for loneliness
Dead inside

What does it mean if he stares at me
My friends all say he must like what he sees
And father says he must find me intimidating
And I find the stares nauseating
Because
The
Last thing
That I want
is another man
I have to see
Become infantile and the
epitome of mediocrity
No Thank you
I have enough puddles of wax
On my hands

Water
Fountain
Rose
Garden
Jesus
Crosses
On the lawn
I can see you
In your swing
Back and forth
To and from

A loud quiet in the country
The same birds making the same sounds
The same wind chimes banging around
The wind almost always never calms down
Waiting to hear your car on the gravel
The least lonely of the sounds
A quiet loud in the city
The jets whistle
While the cars hum
And a dog barks in the distance but not too much
Never alone in a place full of so many strangers

Different rhythm
In bed than him
Different melody
To you than me
A day ago
I felt so alone
Now I wish
You would leave

I guess i shall cook and clean so I can alas make the choking in the bed room seem believable. Oh the things I do for ****** satisfaction

Does it feel right?
Always
And is it?
Never
A touch of the hand or a brush of the sweater
A look in your eyes makes me come
untethered
And I know it’s right
But it can be
Never

100 names I’ve been called
Death 3 times a year
Pushed against walls
Spit in my face
And I let you make me cry
I am the stupidest
I am entertainment

Evening
I see you've already gone to bed and that's alright
You leave me
Wanting more but I know that we'd just fight
And I think
You'd like to watch the acid eat my skin

I hurt too

Take your hands away from me
Please
Don't
You ever think about the repercussions of your actions
Don't talk to me that way
Please
Keep telling me why I'm your favorite
If we could just have one moment together
Our lives would crumble
To nothing
Would change be so bad?
At this point I'm not sure
I think
And then I see you everyday

You call my name
And I come

I bleed
And I cut
Every inch of your lust
You make me want to die inside
You make me cry on my way home
You made me flip 3 times
Why do I
Get found by men like you
Men that like to pull thread through your needle
I wish I could stab it into you

Warm winter day
Volleyball
***** socks
Too much makeup
Your foot on my arm
The girl who can't stop spinning
A cacophony of gossip
Coffee on the porch
Too many pills
Trips to the store
Hiding cigarettes
Hiding lighters
Can I use yours yet
Crying because of husbands
Spending because of husbands
Handsy uncles
Handsy aunts
More coffee?
Yes. please.
How's your job
It's the best.
I get love and love and love
No regrets
Competition
**** waving
Sunday night
Driving home

Thank you for
Everything you do
You make me happy
And sad
And angry
You make me feel

Maybe I should write plainly
I do not love you
Yet
I’d like for you to love me

Needle in the hay
Heart in my chest
My soul defrosts
The more you toss out
I like to collect
The pennies you throw
Crossed all the bridges
I still can't say no

This is
The beat
And you are the fire
They dance around you
And when they're gone
You engulf me
And you say
So confused
Why don't you dance around me

Can you engage with me in an affair, a fantasy
Or at least get so close to the edge you can feel the wind beneath your feet
Will you engage with me in *** on a desk
In hidden texts
And backseat tangled legs
Can you give me enough
Just something
To wash this taste from my tongue

Eyes wide
Looking up at you
On my knees
I do what I'm supposed to

In the middle of the table
Fried chicken
Waiting for the yelling to stop
Should I eat yet?
Dim lit room
Nicotine paint
Fried chicken

I told you I didn’t want to be with you
You said you were sorry and you wouldn’t be able to continue a relationship with me
I told you I don’t want a relationship anymore
You said you were sorry but you’d have to leave

Ginger ginger ginger tree
Upon the window seal you hang
Taunting me taunting me taunting me slow
Thank you for never letting go
I miss seeing you

A golden cage set out for me
But only me
I go willingly
I wait for the back of your hand
Longingly
I wait to be grabbed and pushed and pulled
by you
For you
I go home after being with you
And I'm soaked from mere conversation
I know it's wrong
I know it's a step backwards
But I can't help from touching

Watching you look for your keys used to be my cue to plead
but now I just think hurry please

Lemons fall from fig trees higher
I can’t hear you feel me cryer
Tell me why I always like to try
Cut my leg you said it’s my thigh
There’s all the places I want to be
Take my hand or fall for me
It’s always the wrong wall
I’m too busy for the call

September Avenue
Spanish panfish
You at night
Poorly rolled joint
Baby lines
I’m not tired
Back again
Scrubbed his skin
Scrubbed my eyes
Throw me against a wall
Tonight

You
**** up
And I
Forgive
And I
Don't know why
You always
Ruin my day
And still I give you my soul
Low self-esteem
I suppose

The first time I saw you I wasn't impressed
But I'm so much like you I couldnt help it
I crawled into you and wore you around
I made you my pet
I made you my home
I tell you so much
More than I'm allowed
How much I miss you and want you around
And I know it's not right
Though you tell me it is
And I know that my heaven would be your kiss
I know that you'd hit me and throw me around and I know you'd love to hear me fall to the ground
And I'd give it to you
If only I could
But they say you're just a traumatized boy from the hood

It’s not that I don’t want you
It’s just that I can’t have you
You can’t do more than fight
You just can’t face the hard truth
And I wasn’t right
I can’t make an excuse
I think that you’re alright
But I just can’t trust you
Me and you wasn’t right
I won’t try to argue
I know when I **** up
I knew I couldn’t have you
But don’t think that it’s right
How I made your heart bruise
I know that we were tight
But I just wasn’t right though

You give me things
And he's just a boy
You want a ring
He wants a toy
But when I close my eyes
At night
I love him

I miss you
And I do
Like you
I don't know why
I didn't want to
And the worst part
Is you know I like you
I absolutely hate that you do
Because now you can do what you want to
To my heart
And my soul
And my brain
I'm not good at hiding from you
Because I'm lonely
And I miss you

I am
Too old
To be
Falling
In love
With a
“P-I-M-P”

Thought the bell would ring
No
Thought the bird would sing
No
Can’t believe me
So deceiving
Everything I felt not true
From infatuation to who are you
I can’t make up my mind
And I already had made you mine

Incredible
Are your eyes
And your face between my thighs
Take me where we can hide and ride and fight and lose sight of all the things you fail to tell me
Always doing something wrong
Always looking for another high
And you won't entertain me

One I couldn't create

On a street
somewhere in nowhere
is where you were killed
when a no one kills someone in nowhere
it burns
when no ones are people with badges and guns
oh how I wish they would have used the guns
but no one is humane in nowhere
only tazers and kicks will do
then the heart stops and the blood pours
and then they decide they're  through
but someone is already brain dead and swollen and blue
and I can't stop crying at even the thought of you
and now you're underground and I can't see through
and now you're underground and there's nothing anyone can do

Doorknob turning
Slowly
And
Click