I stumbled upon Descanso gardens last December. Felt neck hairs stand at intention. Wishes of the past linger unfulfilled like paralyzed dreams never to be awakened into life.  Fear of replacing the one impossibly interchangeable part of the story I wish be left forgotten.

We met for early dinner. He’s holding out for better and I’m so turned on. We walk the street for ice cream, only to decide I shouldn’t.

I keep my left hand in my pocket. Distantly, I think of getting pizza by the slice with you and suddenly I’m not hungry. He doesn’t like pepperoni.

I love his paintings. He’s an artist, too. I can’t, I won’t take him to the Getty. I want to feel all of him but I don’t want to hold his hand.
Damp blankets call him home to dry. Turning away as the sun sets, I stare at the dirt in front of me, so I know where I stand, present.

You aren’t there. I glance up at the night sky and look away. No more wishing on scars. A shrouded memory of a daydream I once had haunts today I wanted to have just before I woke to the life you never were.

I’m going to the Getty in the morning. Maybe I’ll bring flowers just in case. Or maybe a camera to take photos I will never want to see. Maybe I should just stay in bed and dream a life you’re still there.

Yellow tulips and Rembrandt long your cold piercing stare. We have a date tomorrow at the Getty, it will be lovely so long not to bestir. Bring your favorite pen, as to draw the best of intentions quietly running the palate of my cheek splattered about a cold white marble floor of permeating bitterness. Peering through windows unto the imagination of immortals, bright white fades to nothing

****** be the light of dawn
Now, in step…
Symphonic daydreams tread a measure
Twisted ankles, we graciously fall.

Close the door
slip the latch and let it fall
I am sad to say farewell
but I must leave you all,
imagine me at peace
freed from earthly things,
I am the autumn breeze
a winter wind that sings,
I am rain, I am sky,
a part of everything,
we did not say goodbye,
I am summer, I am spring
blossom, light as air,
don't think of me as gone
look around and I’ll be there

And maybe,just maybe
If I keep pretending
Long enough
Happiness might forget
It was never mine
And decide to stay.

And if it doesn't
Atleast the light I borrowed
Kept me warm
For one more day.

wet dirt
adhere to me
sand of the earth
mold me into being
your perfect being

(an inexistent being)

mother
nature
embrace me
allow me into your center
i will burn at your core
to become nothing
once more

Hello, whom I'll never meet,
Never hear, never forget,
Never loose and never find,
Never spot and never mind.

Hello, who'll turn up in my dreams,
Who'll never let me to taste the pain,
Who'll never betray and never lie,
Who'll never depart without goodbye.

I take leave of you, my unknown one,
My unsearchable and remarked for none,
My unnamed and mythic for last,
But so endlessly and sweetly loved.

leaves dance in the whispers of the wind
the voice of god carries them down to earth
silently floating toward a pavement death
one day they will blossom again
when the hand of creation enters a new season

Noise, all I hear, this loud head,
Suggestions for all the ways to be
A vacuum, a void, with things left unsaid,
A voice unheard, left in the dark,
Tastes unseen, fear that they'd disappear
After a while, differences seem stark,
A clean room, on a bad day, appears a mess,
The walls seem to talk, with silence looming,
The quiet beckons me to a game of chess,
"How long can you play", it asks, "till you stop?
I can go on, it's my favourite game,
Will you keep going, until you drop,
Until you're nothing, till you forget your name?"

Tree, I have come to shelter and with the rain to weep
I am soaked, barefoot with mud running through
soft the moss, cool and cold
to soothe my heart that bleeds.
Our waxing nights of love and moons
now fallow, a field that burns
****** our hollow bed
of haunting, silent screams
too soon the fiery devil
too far my lover
the spring.