i think i'm going insane.

i think about me breaking apart for so many times after what happened.

people thought that i am being overreacting but no, i'm not.

i hate being depressed, full of stress and unrest. i hate seeing the clouds formed your smile, i hate thinking about your hands not holding mine.

i hate losing my sanity.

i hate seeing the trees swayed as if they are mocking my weaknesses, i hate hearing the winds blew, they sounded a lot like your voice that i missed a lot.

they told me that they searched their loved ones in the crowds, meanwhile i'm here seeing you everywhere i go.

i hate seeing your figure beside me on my bed, when you are actually sleeping somewhere else where only He knows.

i hate seeing myself in the mirror for i cannot form any genuine, happy and honest smile anymore.

as if your absence meant more than just losing you.

in the process, i lost myself too.

the day
when even the not so faithful
were tempted to pray
for the health of the nation