If you were drowning.
I swear that I would dive right in and drown with you.

I bit the idea of love too close to comfort.
You made me feel human pain again.
A lot like the love life and death held together.

I slit all my love ones throats and hung them by their necks on my ceiling.
I store their voices inside music boxes spread across my room.
Here's where past and present make love and gave birth to future...
Advice, screaming out my name.
Slice of life lessons, yelling trying to get my attention.
But I met death before I could hear my love ones sing me melodies of morality.
Death placed deaf's knife in my hands and said
"live like your dead"
As she cut my ears off and everything went....

I rather dip my toes in both sides of the pool and keep myself arbitrary.
Rather then pretend to be the arbiter. Swimming in life's plurisignifications,
as the questions mutate into a frenzy of hungry sharks.
Rendering my limbs till I give in and give up on self-actualization.

Drunk, numb, and fainted.
Just to find myself laying in bed.
Awoken, sober views tainted.
Tracing lines inside sore eyes,
Trying to find clear sights.
Clarity, where do I find clarity these days?

Detoxing the same old story, different chapter but the pages read the same.
24 years written inside 24 pages of this book.
Valediction, but not vindicated

Where has time went ?
Where have I been?
Lost in shame.
Lost in shame.
Lost in shame.

I'm not who I used to be.
I'll never be the person my thoughts imagine me to be.
I'm not who I used to be.
I'll never be the man the world wants me to mold myself to be.
I'll never be anyone or anything.
I'll always be that lost little kid
Walking In circles inside the idea of who I'm suppose to be.

This town is burying me alive,
the weight of my thoughts are too heavy to handle.
These pixels used to form a peaceful picture.
Now my choices trail mistakes.
Drowning myself in alcoholic bottles,
Till my body is numb and emotionless.
Swallowing pills to create four hours of solace.
To ease my mind and leave me expressionless.

I'm a lot like a fish.
baiting myself in a lake full of surfacing hooks.
Attached to flinging romances.