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Ayn Apr 2022
Thoughts lie adrift, like the mist;
Fading into the dawning light.
With this hew sun, I am blessed;
Renewal will come when the time is right.
For now, I must spread my wings,
Readying my soul to take flight
And bask in the vernal sunlight.
I’m alive, so yay! Working on being better now, it definitely was rough for a bit tho.
Ayn Nov 2020
Like dancing lights
And fluttering sprites;
Multiplying together
And dividing apart.

They rend the veil of night,
Creating a short-lived spectacle
Before these stars take flight.
I’m not actually talking about literal stars. This poem came to mind when I was driving to practice and saw the headlights of two opposing cars, seemingly merging together around the bend. I maybe wasn’t in the right state to drive ****...
Ayn Nov 2020
Assumptions.
Closing doors to negotiation.

Assumptions.
Fabricating half truths
On baseless knowledge.

Assumptions.
Hurting hearts and souls alike.
Ayn Dec 2020
Floating fish,
Swimming amongst an ocean
Of turquoise atmosphere.

Clouds waver like shifting curtains;
Tossed slightly in the gentle breeze.
While the whales swim through them,
Their bodies but needles to cotton.

Filtered light lies upon the streets,
Shifting like the winded tree’s shade.
A relaxed, soft, Sunday light,
As dull as worn out blades.

Glinting light on the whales’ backs,
Shining brighter than a million eyes.
Inside this world of shimmering light,
Every existence flamboyantly flies.
Ayn Jan 2021
Without constraint,
Without boundaries,
Emotion persists
Through the trials of time.
Ayn Mar 2022
Manic streams of sunlight fall,
Devouring the darkness below.
From one insanity to another,
A cover up for what’s lost.

You hide the truth inside the dream,
Yet you cover it up once found.
You fear the truth;
The endless pain
Because you can’t except it’s gone.

Why keep running, little one?
Your simple fun has just begun.
Ayn Nov 2020
The stars all look brighter in the sky
Sometimes i get so lonely I could—

The darkest flares
Burn within the brightest bonfires.
Ayn Nov 2020
As the endless expanse
Stretches itself before my eyes,
Flickering lights create depth.

All that lies between
Is the iridescence of our sunset,
And the fragrance of our universe.
Ayn Oct 2020
All the sighing ashes disappear,
Worries drowned out in my own fear.
An endless void lies inside their mind.
Any more defiance and I’ll go blind.

Leave me to be
For a lifetime now lost,
We all lived our wasted lives,
Until the cat’s path is crossed.
Ayn Feb 2022
Your faith in me
Scared off what’s left.
I thought I was free.
But you’re still a burden i heft.

You can never see this mess,
For I’ll hide it until the end.
Ill never be any less
Until my soul begins to blend.
Ayn Dec 2020
Within the cracking glass
A reflection takes hold.
Throughout this ringing tone;
inside the crowd I’m all alone.
The ticking words,
abhorrent outside my head.

My mind must watch it’s tread,
The striking mallet instilling fear
My jagged edges are begging to

...disappear...
Ayn Jan 2021
Laying newfound gemstones
Upon the fields of springtime citrus,
The sun rises once again.

We are here to witness
As the earth’s moonlight visage
Is burned away by the rising fire,
Leaving us free to start anew.
Hey, this is for a friend named s, and probably everyone else. Who I wrote it for isn’t important. It’s important to remember that sometimes all you might need is a reset. To take a nap during the day, or sleep through the night can help you a lot. Remember that. I don’t want anyone making the mistakes I have.
Ayn Jun 2021
A frozen visage,
Steeled through an eternal cowardice.
Stripped of glimmer and glory,
Your meek egotistical values
Lie in pieces; devoid of glory.

Words spoken a the edge of a cliff,
Fabricating the final push.
The spiral lies below,
So just take the final blow.
The term spiral refers to the golden ratio. That bit was inspired by the song Lateralus from Tool. “swing on the spiral…”
Ayn Jul 2020
How many more times
Will I die
Before I find life
In its scarcest places?
Ayn Nov 2020
Chasing
A long-forgotten mist.
Running
On Lævateinn’s edge.

The final sprint
Just seconds away
Tedium envelopes my being,
While my flames fade to gray.
Ayn Dec 2020
Weaving through the static noise,
Black and White fills the void.
Inside my mind, I put away the toys;
For all is not yet destroyed.

The sun’s main flame
Appears to glow tame,
But life’s never that docile.
Peace will always take awhile.
“YOUR GOD IS DEAD
AND NO ONE CARES
IF THERE IS A HELL,
I’LL SEE YOU THERE!”
From the song ‘Heresy’ by Nine-Inch-Nails.
If a past friend reads this description they’ll hate me ****
Ayn Oct 2021
A lash of autumn wind slices at the skin,
a gentle yet firm reminder of nature's harsh personality.
With the whip arises a spray of icy water,
Its bleak gray sheen housing an unparalleled vibrancy.

The drifting tides churn in wonder and expectation,
bringing this once still and silent slate
to a monochromatic spectrum.
Ayn May 2020
Amongst a storm,
Inside the raging current,
Iridescent light
Shines once again.

Things are going
To be all right.
Ayn Jan 2021
Shrouding every waking breath,
And stifling my sickened cough;
Weakening me.
Forcing broken promises,
And dealing only half-truths,
Making my regret vile.

I wish I could’ve met you,
I would’ve saved some face.
But your face is mine.
And your mind,
Well it’s on the same line.

There is no solving you.
Believe me,
I’ve tried it too.
Only in avoidance
Will I save myself
From your remnants.
Ayn Jan 2021
Streaks of rose-gold radiance
Elevate the scarlet plateau.
Through watching skies,
And ethereal cries,
The peak of the world draws near.

When all’s said for all to hear,
A hidden motive is made clear.
There’s no reigning power
As pervading as our fear.
Ayn Nov 2021
As the somniferous air sets in
Like an ocean of sea glass;
The flowing tide echoing through my mind.

A dream of newfound waters
Surfacing like a long lost memory,
Calling forth from the autumn breeze.

Like gemstones in the rain,
I’m free to bleed out the colors.
The desire to leave an empty shell
Overpowered by a desire for vitality.
Ayn Oct 2021
Vapors stand in strands,
Left to stain the sky.
Showing like an open wound,
Left behind by the wind’s talons.
Bleak and gray,
They insist on remaining;
Watching me fray;
Watching my silent decay.

Among life’s bountiful fruit,
The silent world is absolute.
Ayn Dec 2020
If I could start again,
I’d move a trillion miles away.

Drain the toxin from my veins,
Train myself day by day.

If I could start again,
I would keep myself
I would find a way.
Ayn Sep 2020
If there’s an edge above the waves,
I’ll fall fast and hard.

In my twisted world of love,
There’s no room for elegant dives.
Ayn Feb 2020
This duality
Of my vicariously divine
Mental principality
Divides an entire world
Between the realm
Of heaven and hell.
Opening a foreign door,
seeing no more
Does this even make sense?? It’s talkin’ about how a split mind splits a world. The divided principality (one mind of a nation or planet of minds, unified by humanity) gives a divided worldview.
Ayn Oct 2020
Over smoke and grit,
Floating into nothingness,
Ashes fly their heated cycle.

An end lying in wait,
Through the endless detours
That construct a draft
Of our human life.
Ayn May 2021
Silence calls for dusks final breath
As we say farewell to sight
And lay our bodies to rest.

Our minds, however,
Live nocturnal,
Like our souls—
Living, eternal.
Ayn Jan 2021
Youthful spring,
Slowly drawing itself towards winter.
We wish it would stay forever,
But time grows old,
As all things do,
And barren days
Arrive in a haze.

All seems lost and lifeless,
But hope is not yet futile,
Because spring lies beyond
The approaching horizon.
Ayn Oct 2020
The fragrance of loneliness
Dwindles under our starred sky.
Only the blind will ever see
A starless expanse.
The blind are faulty to the point where it’s luck.

No I’m not talking about people who are actually blind.
Ayn Dec 2020
Thinning grains of silky sand
Slip beneath my shoes,
Undisturbed by the light breeze.

Grass stands, the opposite;
Sprouting out of the sand,
To be fumbled by the wind.
It’s slightly toasted gold
Radiating through the shade,
As if touched by fire’s kiss.

The world, in and of itself
Encompassed by a setting sun’s hug;
It’s resonating auburn arms
Spanning the pastel horizon.
The car helps. I get to see new places. I feel my writing coming back to where it was.
Ayn Dec 2020
As darkness falls
The world becomes a shroud,
In which the smallest lights
Beckon forth
A sea of illumination.
Ayn May 2022
As she struck her final chords
His heart beat in tune with her fingers,
Birthing a new generation.
Ayn Jan 2021
Pushing,
Seeping,
Leaking.
It’s all tangled up inside.

Disintegration is temporary,
But the damage is eternal.
Ayn Mar 2020
Icy lakes
Freezing until tame.
Ashen snowflakes
Glimmering in flame.

Steadfast ice,
Atmospheric lights.
Blocks frozen twice
Into towering heights.

Aqueous infernos
Casting a flaming rapid.
A burning soul grows
A seed so trepid.

Water to grow the ice,
And quench the inferno.
The aqueous paradise,
Sitting among this rapid flow
I think the ending’s a bit weak...
Ayn Dec 2020
Saving others...
For their sake or mine?
It’s all a platter
For my ego to dine.

It’s a criminal system
Deserving destruction,
So I’ll destroy it.
If it’s for my own sake then I’m another corrupt being, like everyone. I don’t believe that I’d be so nice, after all, I’m corrupt enough with my thoughts.
Ayn Nov 2020
Icen fingers
And burning napes.

Winter is moving closer,
And when all’s said and done,
Life still continues.

Even if we’ve all been stopped
For many months.
Ayn Jan 2021
Dawn the helm of war,
Nothing else matters anymore.
But when all means
Meet their ends,
Dreams subtly was ashore.
You made this all go away,
But now you’re what I can’t see;
A fading reminder
Of what I used to be.
Not a love poem. Hahaha if it was it probably wouldn’t have been as sour.
Ayn Dec 2020
As water comes to fire
A flash flood of steam ignites.
As forward memories
Reveal themselves once again,
I wonder what I thought back then.
I thought that when I was 17 I’d be drinking, driving (not at the same time) and smoking with buddies. Now I’m 17 and eating a candy bar in my kitchen while curled into a ball. It’s funny how what you want changes over time.
Ayn Dec 2020
As guilt for my actions
Burns like a seeping acid;
Pervading every layer of my soul,
I wonder where I wasn’t whole.

Where did I stumble off track,
How much have I destroyed,
And what meaningful relations
have I cannibalized oh so brutally?
Ayn Jan 2021
It seems that you’re not satisfied
With all the runs I’ve tried.
You’re gone for good yet you linger,
Like one’s reputation, pointing the finger.

What was I supposed to do?
I lost my **** because of you.
I’ve made it to the bow;
Nothing can stop me now.
Ayn Feb 2022
As we fade beyond the horizon,
I sleepily sink into your eyes.
When the golden stars scar the skyline,
I’ll become one of your silent lies.
Ayn Jun 2020
Now is the time
When those
Who normally seem
Sensible,
Become the
Insensible.
I have my own feelings about the turmoil this country is in, but I’m afraid to express my opinion about it. I might not say why some things are morally wrong without angering people. I am only 16. I can’t vote, I can’t get my license, I can’t do much. All I can do is be aware. I refuse to participate in this. Not because I don’t know who’s side to pick, but because I will not generate more hate and turmoil in this society.
Ayn May 2020
As long as my heart keeps beating,
It will keep unrequitedly loving.
Ayn Nov 2021
The last streams of daylight fade away,
Like the frail afterimage
Of melancholic memories;
Drifting quietly like seaglass,
Submerged in an unfamiliar world.
I got nothing to add to this, so imagery is what it all is i guess.
Ayn Dec 2019
cannot publicly acknowledge the existence of angels,
Such an outrageous act has been outlawed by the council.
So here I am to tell you about these nonexistent beings.
They come from a place called heaven, a serene place
Lying in the clouds that do not fade; they are everlasting.
In heaven they soar free, using their feathery wings,
Which glisten like scheelite in the eternally dawning sun.
Their halos are a gold, 10 carats more pure than the element,
And seemingly glow, even in the most minimal light.

And their souls, as pure as a diatomic gas,
As white as the everlasting magnesium flame.
But most importantly, their souls glow like the firey sun,
Always ready to make us happy, and eternal in existence.

But I once again forget, as a note is passed my way,
That “angels,” in fact, “do not actually exist”
Signed,
The council.
It also says to stop talking about these forms,
Or I will be detained... then executed...
Welp, that’s a sour note to leave on...
Bye.
If anyone has listened to the podcast Welcome to Night Vale, you’ll know where my inspiration for the denial of said winged creatures. If not, listen to it, it’s a funny sci-fi comedy podcast. Also again, look up any names that you don’t know, chemistry is pretty cool too.
Ayn Jan 2020
Above the ever changing trees
Lies the ever growing tower of stone.
A swift mountain breeze,
Causes the stout wood to groan.

Like a pebble
Being blown lightly
Across a desert storm,
I was unknowingly blown
Off of the towering stone.
There was more, but it changed the way what I had written appeared to me, so I cut it off.
Ayn Apr 2020
Running through the soft breeze
The wind resonates among the leaves.
A green shade encloses me.

I could never see this forest
Because you ditched me among the trees.
A mix of me denying being gay and just being lost in a stagnant world.
Ayn Apr 2020
As the dust and sand
Sweeps up into a cyclone,
The air cracks up
Like a dried out salt flat.

The clouds run dark,
And the crops bend down.
An invisible roar appears,
Rushing this dry landscape
And catching it unawares.

Branches and brambles fly,
But there’s no water here;
Not enough for the sky to cry.

The landscape sits,
A dusted vermillion;
Cracked any dry
With skin so reptilian.
Ayn Jan 2021
Through the open door;
Tapped open by the playful prairie breeze,
Comes a man.
This man has a story, as does everyone else.
However, for this striding figure,
Standing tall and slightly large,
There was neither need nor reason
To share a time long past.

His clothes were out of season,
And poorly fitting for the time of day.
A collared purple shirt,
Decorated with tropical floral
Wore him like a flirt.
Velvet pants, shimmering with each step,
Electrified his egotistical stride.
With wrinkles like a rocky outcrop,
And colors most abhorrent today,
The sluggish outfit was complete.

Jaunting up the the well-loved counter—
Tended to by well-hated men—
And slowing by a slight amount
For those unlucky enough to cross his path,
He rested an older, pudgy hand
On the exposed splinter board.
All it took was a small glance
From this month’s wretched clerk
To set this man in motion;
“A pack o’ Marlboros and a coke...
Make sure it’s cold.”

An inaudible sigh—
I doubt anyone else heard the forsaken utterance—
echoed silently from the clerk’s unmoving lips.
Full of despair, this uniformed creature stepped back,
Turning his mind towards the cigarettes,
One of the many things he longed
But could never have.

Opening the case, and picking a carton,
He placed the weathered box upon the stressed counter.
The worst of the bunch... that’s why this one is hated.
After a couple of seconds,
The world, as if once trapped in stasis,
Was shattered back into movement.

The offending hand, wrinkled and haired,
Belonged to the confident customer.
“And the coke?”
He questioned, the corrosion leaking from his words.
“Oh... sure.”
The clerk mumbled in reluctant submission.
The cowardly one dropped to a kneel,
Pulling the coke out of an old icebox—
It was probably his—
And placed it lightly on the counter,
Not daring to shake the time bomb.
After the amount was rung through,
And a grimy $6.76 was paid in full,
Two hands—well known by now—
Seized the chemicals like it was his right...
And it was, because he bought that death.

Strutting out of the store,
his slimy hands slipped into his packet,
Drawing out his heroic match,
Like Excalibur from the stone.
A simple strike along the rusted doorframe,
And a smoldering cigarette later,
We gazed as a lit match was thrown back;
It’s fall like a clock of death,
Slowly ticking towards the man,
Bearing down beyond the corners
Of those sharp yet simple eyes.
I watched this kind of scene unfold as I wrote it. It was fun to write. It sure as hell took a bit. And there are no edits, like usual. I wrote what I wanted, so yeah.
Ayn Mar 2020
What’s all the hubbub
Just a worse influenza
Overbuying food...
I by no means are an expert on this whole thing about covid-19, I know it is a problem, but people are overreacting. It is literally the flu, but worse, and stays latent in a person longer. It attacks older people and smokers, as well as people with compromised lungs. So just keep clean and don’t get too wild about it (I have been following covid-19 since mid January and saw it’s spread through china. I have a lot to say on the topic).
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