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Ayn May 2020
Swirling drops of screeching chalk
Memories left untouched.
Life unwound,
And a life better left in the ground.
Too many emotions to write, so I’m taking a break for a while.
Ayn Jan 2021
As the sunrise’s claymore
Is the blazing creator
Of our earthly existence,

The moonlight’s spear
Is the slice right through the vein,
Revealing what we try hide.
Ayn Feb 2020
This duality
Of my vicariously divine
Mental principality
Divides an entire world
Between the realm
Of heaven and hell.
Opening a foreign door,
seeing no more
Does this even make sense?? It’s talkin’ about how a split mind splits a world. The divided principality (one mind of a nation or planet of minds, unified by humanity) gives a divided worldview.
Ayn Feb 2021
Decompression overwhelms
Concrete mentalities,
Shattering them
Like false glass.

Heavy is the head
That dawns the crown;
An anchor of lead,
Pulling us down.
Using greek letters i can make interesting things, take the uppercase lambda for example: ΛIDΛN cool i guess.
Ayn Apr 2020
The persistence
Of silence
Resides
Inside
A web of individuality.
Ayn Feb 2021
Losing grip
As the void opens below me.
A rage like a flame,
Ready to consume it all away.
The water douses the flame,
The smooth visage
Of the silently stoic seas
Now threatening to drown
Rather than to save.

One good tug deserves my time,
And so I unwillingly fall
Into the drowning sea.

Reddened hands,
slick with broken skin
Reduce the sea to an abhorrent red.
Now sadness has a new color.
Ayn Sep 2021
Like a solitary tree in a silent plain
Awaiting the blight; the everlasting rain.
Life has come and gone;
The span of a second
With the grace of a swan
Like a shrouded mosaic
The mist reveals piece by piece;
A picture is formed
Of a concrete world,
Built on the fragile sands of time.
Ayn Dec 2019
Lightning streaks overhead,
The wind gouges out my nerves,
Which are shot several times over.

Upon this precipice I stand,
The angels rise up from below.
They carry a banner of despair,
Waving it in my face
With a vexing mirth.

My destitute hands tremble,
As the glistening red rain falls,
Touching them
Ever
So
Slightly.

Upon this precipice I stand,
In fear of this desolate world.
I choose to leave my wounds be,
And wait for death’s vile hand
To scald me with and icy iron brand.
There’s a reason for it being called untitled and my laziness is part of the answer. I was going to change it but realized nah, it fits. In my mind, the narrator doesn’t know why he’s here. The title would have been why he’s here. Also precipice has 2 meanings, both apply.
Ayn Jan 2020
I would like to see
What would come to be
Of a moose and rabbit
Roaming free.

It is a rather stupid idea, you must think.
And i wholly agree
But where might the fun be,
If you cannot think freely?
I think of all, from the smallest flea
To the largest bee.
Or from the makeup of tar,
To the largest star.
It is fun to think,
That is what I decree.
But in real life,
The moose and rabbit would just flee
Sept.23.2019
Ayn Feb 2022
Even in the dark, comets still fly
Like a radiant moth called to flame.
Hidden among lost and frozen stars,
Acceptance lay still and forgotten;
A consistent game of stagnation,
Until the hunter found the fountain;
Until you found me.
This poem is my feelings of a while bundled up into one poem. A lot has happened since I last posted and only now am I in the mood to write, now that it’s all almost over. Each line has 9 syllables, until the last line breaks the pattern.
Ayn Dec 2021
Suffocation:
A silence so potent
Where the air itself freezes,
And life no longer breathes.
I hate what I’ve done and I want to destroy myself for it. Why do i hate it? Why do i hate myself for it? It was all okay. Nothing was wrong. We both enjoyed it. You want it to happy again but i feel sick thinking about it. WHY?
Ayn Feb 2022
Like a flicker of wind,
Sparking against my skin;
The moonlight fades
And she is gone once again.
Ayn Mar 2022
The mind is a vast cage,
Full of twists and turns.
Once you fall in,
You can’t come out.
Ayn Jan 2022
Echoes permeate the muffled air,
Bringing the song of life
To this old barren landscape.

Ripples in the water
Beckoning the snowfall,
Like the call of death
To an unsuspecting passerby.
Ayn Nov 2020
Within unburdened walls
Lies the embrace of space
And it’s forceless relation
To the movement within us all.
Ayn May 2022
As she struck her final chords
His heart beat in tune with her fingers,
Birthing a new generation.
Ayn Apr 2022
Thoughts lie adrift, like the mist;
Fading into the dawning light.
With this hew sun, I am blessed;
Renewal will come when the time is right.
For now, I must spread my wings,
Readying my soul to take flight
And bask in the vernal sunlight.
I’m alive, so yay! Working on being better now, it definitely was rough for a bit tho.
Ayn Jun 2022
As the final wisps of daylight fade
Your eyes become so clear
And the dimly burning streetlights
Become the silent starlight,
Lighting our lover’s path dear.
Ayn Mar 2022
Their words consume me,
Telling me silent lies.
But you can only see the light
Which I cast on your eyes.

When will you see right through me,
And save me from this madness?
I’m too far gone to save myself.
Ayn Dec 2021
A silent echo;
An internalization.
We come to reason.

Though reasons are lies;
A guise among the many.
Don’t hide your treason.
Ayn Jun 2022
A silent echo,
Reverberates.

Your warm words
Resonate.

Even a welcome change
can become difficult.
Ayn Dec 2021
How many small lies
Have I imprinted
How many are left?
Ayn Feb 2022
You yell,
You cry,
You scream my name;
Say your in pain.

As i swing my fracturing arm;
Ready to lift you up,
You swat it away,
And I shatter.

As my pieces fall to the ground,
All I can think of is you,
And everything i could do,
To help you get through.
I can’t keep ignoring myself to help you.
Ayn Jan 2022
The melancholic melody
Brings forth the voices
Of the long lost autumn leaves.

Whispering among the winds,
Elegantly threaded echoes
Resonate with the depths of my being.

Shaken at the roots
Yet strengthened at my core,
I feel my freedom return once more.

With all our shadows comes the light,
Casting rays around,
Fueling our ever blissful delight.
A wonderful time we all once knew,
But, even then,
We never held our promises true.
Ayn Mar 2022
Manic streams of sunlight fall,
Devouring the darkness below.
From one insanity to another,
A cover up for what’s lost.

You hide the truth inside the dream,
Yet you cover it up once found.
You fear the truth;
The endless pain
Because you can’t except it’s gone.

Why keep running, little one?
Your simple fun has just begun.
Ayn Jan 2022
The wistful whims of flurries
Made apparent by its fragile mark.
We speak freely within the wall
But are silenced by snowfall.
Ayn Mar 2022
Why have i been given so many chances?
So many sparks to fuel my fire?
At some point the sparks no longer help
And I’m covered in sparks and fire.
Ayn Jun 2023
The silence was inevitable, however, the light she shone soon became their harmony.
Ayn Feb 2022
As we fade beyond the horizon,
I sleepily sink into your eyes.
When the golden stars scar the skyline,
I’ll become one of your silent lies.
Ayn Mar 2022
Daunting voices call my name;
Each breath full of manic mirth.

The sunlight falls
Like distant snowflakes,
Dusting a golden plain
With an auburn hue.

As the sky grows dark,
I see less and less,
But hear more and more.

A crescent guillotine hangs in the sky
As I absentmindedly envision
These fruitful moments to be my last.

The mirthful voices once more,
And engulf me in their mania.
My head hits the floor
While my consciousness washes away;
As if it were an eternal shore.
Ayn Feb 2022
Your faith in me
Scared off what’s left.
I thought I was free.
But you’re still a burden i heft.

You can never see this mess,
For I’ll hide it until the end.
Ill never be any less
Until my soul begins to blend.
Ayn Jan 2022
Crawling through the wastes,
I wish for the flame.
To fly above the rest
To have nothing but a name.
My hope and interest
have kept this dream alive
And allow me to thrive
Even in these darkest moments.
Fire is purifying and equivocal.
Ayn Jan 2022
To be silenced
Is to be freed.
My tongue is far too vile,
Spitting toxins and vile
Into the minds of others.

Preying on the weak,
The merciful,
And the dutiful.
Ayn Dec 2021
You tease and toss me,
Beckon destruction and strife.
You apologize for nothings,
And terrorize my way or life.

Your motives are unclear,
The emotion you hold is invisible;
Silent poetry which I can’t hear.
But why do you belong here?
Why do I allow you to stay when all you do is harm. I don’t feel like myself. I don’t even know what you think. I’ve never been less confident in knowing how someone feels than when I’m around you. I’m afraid of what you’ll do to me. I’m afraid of what I’ll do to you. If you’re anything like what I think, I’m just going to hurt you in the end. I’m sorry.
Ayn Jan 2022
Lightly gazing off into space,
Listening to the gilded stars
When the streetlamps turn to starlight.
And the dusted sky lights aflame.
Ayn Mar 2022
I say good morning once more,
Your feeble pleas fall silent
As i exit the door.
Ayn Aug 2020
If I disappeared
Would you give a ******* ****?
Stop the ******* farce.
Ugh not gonna deal with this **** for much longer. Your wishy washy nature ****** me off a lot.
Ayn Jan 2022
A flowering stagnation,
Bringing silence to the air.
A listless trepidation
Descends into nothingness,
Like it was a grain of salt
Dropped into an auburn marsh.
Sometimes life just stops.
Ayn Mar 2022
Nothing helps anymore.
I feel it every night.
When will this hell end?
How can I make these feelings stop?
I’m afraid to tell anyone what’s happening because I’ll make them extremely worried. But I don’t even know if I’m able to save myself from this anymore, so I need to say something to someone. I just don’t know how much time I have left. Depending on what I do today it’s either really soon or a couple months to a year away.
Ayn Dec 2021
The vile thorn
Piercing like an unseen razor.
Infecting the wound
Like a midsummer overcast;
Sudden and volatile.

It whips and warps you,
A slight touch of the thorn;
A graze with death’s finger.

Within my mind the thorn resides,
An affliction to my mind.

I am dull,
I am vile.
Ayn Dec 2020
Insensible schisms
Within the chasms
Of a fractured mind.

Spiraling spectral light
Reflecting off the broken pieces,
which lie scattered,
Hovering in an everlasting stasis.

Eternal connection lies in myth,
And such fragments I view with mirth.
A broken mind calls my name,
After following the void of my birth.
Ayn Sep 2020
Needles working into my throat,
As alarm bells ring through my ears.

A softly falling drop of liquid air
Dispersed into the vacuum of space.

If no place exists for me to breathe,
Then I’ll choke on the music.
I’ll end the show before the final dance,
And let the curtains close,
Bringing closure to my contract with life.
Ayn Jan 2021
Shrouding every waking breath,
And stifling my sickened cough;
Weakening me.
Forcing broken promises,
And dealing only half-truths,
Making my regret vile.

I wish I could’ve met you,
I would’ve saved some face.
But your face is mine.
And your mind,
Well it’s on the same line.

There is no solving you.
Believe me,
I’ve tried it too.
Only in avoidance
Will I save myself
From your remnants.
Ayn Sep 2020
The little widow’s weeping
Stopped my heart from beating.

The hourglass branded up on its spine,
Signaling the end of my time.

A teardrop stains my arm,
But that’s just the venom in my souls.
Ayn Dec 2019
cannot publicly acknowledge the existence of angels,
Such an outrageous act has been outlawed by the council.
So here I am to tell you about these nonexistent beings.
They come from a place called heaven, a serene place
Lying in the clouds that do not fade; they are everlasting.
In heaven they soar free, using their feathery wings,
Which glisten like scheelite in the eternally dawning sun.
Their halos are a gold, 10 carats more pure than the element,
And seemingly glow, even in the most minimal light.

And their souls, as pure as a diatomic gas,
As white as the everlasting magnesium flame.
But most importantly, their souls glow like the firey sun,
Always ready to make us happy, and eternal in existence.

But I once again forget, as a note is passed my way,
That “angels,” in fact, “do not actually exist”
Signed,
The council.
It also says to stop talking about these forms,
Or I will be detained... then executed...
Welp, that’s a sour note to leave on...
Bye.
If anyone has listened to the podcast Welcome to Night Vale, you’ll know where my inspiration for the denial of said winged creatures. If not, listen to it, it’s a funny sci-fi comedy podcast. Also again, look up any names that you don’t know, chemistry is pretty cool too.
Ayn Jan 2020
Above the ever changing trees
Lies the ever growing tower of stone.
A swift mountain breeze,
Causes the stout wood to groan.

Like a pebble
Being blown lightly
Across a desert storm,
I was unknowingly blown
Off of the towering stone.
There was more, but it changed the way what I had written appeared to me, so I cut it off.
Ayn Apr 2020
Running through the soft breeze
The wind resonates among the leaves.
A green shade encloses me.

I could never see this forest
Because you ditched me among the trees.
A mix of me denying being gay and just being lost in a stagnant world.
Ayn Apr 2020
As the dust and sand
Sweeps up into a cyclone,
The air cracks up
Like a dried out salt flat.

The clouds run dark,
And the crops bend down.
An invisible roar appears,
Rushing this dry landscape
And catching it unawares.

Branches and brambles fly,
But there’s no water here;
Not enough for the sky to cry.

The landscape sits,
A dusted vermillion;
Cracked any dry
With skin so reptilian.
Ayn Jan 2021
Through the open door;
Tapped open by the playful prairie breeze,
Comes a man.
This man has a story, as does everyone else.
However, for this striding figure,
Standing tall and slightly large,
There was neither need nor reason
To share a time long past.

His clothes were out of season,
And poorly fitting for the time of day.
A collared purple shirt,
Decorated with tropical floral
Wore him like a flirt.
Velvet pants, shimmering with each step,
Electrified his egotistical stride.
With wrinkles like a rocky outcrop,
And colors most abhorrent today,
The sluggish outfit was complete.

Jaunting up the the well-loved counter—
Tended to by well-hated men—
And slowing by a slight amount
For those unlucky enough to cross his path,
He rested an older, pudgy hand
On the exposed splinter board.
All it took was a small glance
From this month’s wretched clerk
To set this man in motion;
“A pack o’ Marlboros and a coke...
Make sure it’s cold.”

An inaudible sigh—
I doubt anyone else heard the forsaken utterance—
echoed silently from the clerk’s unmoving lips.
Full of despair, this uniformed creature stepped back,
Turning his mind towards the cigarettes,
One of the many things he longed
But could never have.

Opening the case, and picking a carton,
He placed the weathered box upon the stressed counter.
The worst of the bunch... that’s why this one is hated.
After a couple of seconds,
The world, as if once trapped in stasis,
Was shattered back into movement.

The offending hand, wrinkled and haired,
Belonged to the confident customer.
“And the coke?”
He questioned, the corrosion leaking from his words.
“Oh... sure.”
The clerk mumbled in reluctant submission.
The cowardly one dropped to a kneel,
Pulling the coke out of an old icebox—
It was probably his—
And placed it lightly on the counter,
Not daring to shake the time bomb.
After the amount was rung through,
And a grimy $6.76 was paid in full,
Two hands—well known by now—
Seized the chemicals like it was his right...
And it was, because he bought that death.

Strutting out of the store,
his slimy hands slipped into his packet,
Drawing out his heroic match,
Like Excalibur from the stone.
A simple strike along the rusted doorframe,
And a smoldering cigarette later,
We gazed as a lit match was thrown back;
It’s fall like a clock of death,
Slowly ticking towards the man,
Bearing down beyond the corners
Of those sharp yet simple eyes.
I watched this kind of scene unfold as I wrote it. It was fun to write. It sure as hell took a bit. And there are no edits, like usual. I wrote what I wanted, so yeah.
Ayn Mar 2020
What’s all the hubbub
Just a worse influenza
Overbuying food...
I by no means are an expert on this whole thing about covid-19, I know it is a problem, but people are overreacting. It is literally the flu, but worse, and stays latent in a person longer. It attacks older people and smokers, as well as people with compromised lungs. So just keep clean and don’t get too wild about it (I have been following covid-19 since mid January and saw it’s spread through china. I have a lot to say on the topic).
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