darling, if you knew
how i shape the sea for you
and my mind is infected
with thoughts of depth so great
i'm diving and never coming back
you make me mad
oh, if you knew
how i'm addicted to you
and the thought of my tenderness
whenever you invade my head
you're this odd sickness
because you only make me feel ill
when you leave

I should have known
that every smile,
every laugh,
and every joke
was just some false representation.

I should have known
that when you looked at me
it was just a simple, and brief
desire.

I should have known
that I was not someone
who could experience lust
in the way that those
other girls did.  

I should have known
I was only temporary
that even though for those
few moments
when we were inseparable
in the end, for you,
it was like it never happened.  

I should have known
that as soon as
someone better,
someone prettier,
someone more worthwhile
came along,
I would be forgotten.

now I know..

shackled away
are the true emotions
all the sad,
drunken realities
of the stories untold.

Yes.
I know.
It is irrational for me to think like this.
I poke holes, second guess
and jackhammer at my own foundation.
But, you see, I do care even when
I come off as crass or I dishearten
your image of me.

I
Just
Can't
Stop
Myself

These destructive feelings
and urges towards relationships
are deep rooted in a fear
of abandonment.
I'm a battered man.
Batting below average.
Yet, every chance I get
I bunt or try to get hit
because that's more comfortable to me
Than swinging and missing.

But I do care. I really just don't know how to show it.
I hold on too long to brief moments
that seem to pass from memories
as if I stole them. I'm just nostalgic.
It's the little things that are big to me
and the silly stuff that resonates profoundly.

I do understand though.
The burden of my depression
rests solely on my shoulders.
It's not something I can brush off or
roll over. I just hope that you all
bear with me as I tunnel my way
out of this insanity.