Watch me wax philosophical

still
coherent
thoughts
still
present
Time for another shot.

At night
I think
Some one
Will walk
Through my door

I think
I would
Welcome them
With open arms

The sun is getting low
So we should head on home.

But, just one more hug before we go?

If you ask, they will tell us that she chose to be embraced by angels.



i hope thats true.

I am constantly asking-

have I done right?

By her? By me?

By us?

Holding this whole is impossible .

Blinded by mania she screams, and I am forced to wait.

These itchy hands are begging to mend and grasp at the ashes settling on my shoulders.

steady now.

tether yourself and yield.















The ocean is vast and I am Sinking.

They come in the hours of quiet.
That which the numbness held at bay.
Crashing
Engulfing
Welling

The price of a future that will never be.

Oh phantom of regret!

Spare me!

These chains will rend 'till I die!

Her hair is different.
They did it wrong.

That's not how she would do her lipstick.
That is her favorite one!
It should be bold.
A vibrant statement.

Not a whisper.
She is not a whisper woman.

i

am

not

worthy

Nod.
Hmm.
Yes.
No.
Smile.
Laugh.
The world has made it clear.
You don’t need to talk.
Only listen.
Because in the end,
They don’t care.

I'm going to be honest.....























I love you

I need to be somewhere with someone somehow, otherwise I might be no one

How dare you
How dare you
How dare you
How dare you
How dare you
How dare you
How dare you
How dare you
Don’t you look away
I’m not done with you yet

I know that you are disappointed
And,
I know that you are bitter
But
Sometimes your contempt is to much to bear.
Especially
For someone as weak
As me.
I swear. I am trying.
Because
I am so desperate for your approval.

Why do I do this?
She sounded so tired when we talked on the phone
Tired of me
Well
I don't blame her
I'm tired of me too

I don't know what to do. I'm so confused. I'm so lost.
What am I going to do? Am I going to be happy?  I hope so. Oh god I hope so. I hide, or put off things because it's easier. I'm like a baby. If I can't see it then it doesn't exist right ?? If I ignore it then maybe it will go away...
I don't know what to do. I'm so confused.
And desperate.
And to be honest I'm not sure when it started.
Or why.
I just know that I'm ready for it to end.

You know it's fascinating?
No one will ever know my favorite colour.
Because we all see something different.