I don’t really know what to think anymore. I feel lost and confused and like I am never going to be happy again. I just have this feeling that everything I do or even try to do backfires and blows up in my face. Every time that I have the smallest chance to even talk to someone but the thought of you keeps me from getting anywhere close to saying “Hi”.  The fact that I miss you still hurts. I know what happened between us and I can’t put you through that again much less myself.  I need to move on. I have love for a lot of people and things but the one thing that I can’t love is myself. But to be honest I really don’t care about not loving myself. I would prefer to make someone happy and help them fix all their problems and take all their pain, so they don’t have any. And that’s the one thing I hate about myself. Making other people happy and making sure the ones I love are doing okay and are happy. And if that means sacrificing my happiness then I guess I’m okay with it. I wish I could take your pain so you wouldn’t have to feel it anymore I would in a heartbeat.

About a year ago
I was happy.
A year ago
I could smile.
A year ago
I was in love.
A year ago
I learned something.
A year later
I still miss you like crazy.
A year later
I still love you.

I never wanted to hurt you and that's all I did. And every day I regret it. To the point where I don't feel much of anything. I know that there is nothing I can do to fix what happened. There have been so many tears. Tears of laughter. Tears of happiness. Tears of sadness.  Tears of pain. And there’s nothing I can do other then hope that one day I won’t be feeling broken. My heart, it hurts. I feel like I’m never going to be the same again.

I’m sorry.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there
I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you.
I’m sorry that I hurt you.
I’m sorry that You thought I didn’t love you.
I’m sorry that I wasn’t enough.
I’m sorry that I broke your heart.
I’m sorry that I kept my mouth shut.
I’m sorry that I didn’t say anything.
I’m sorry that I put you through hell.
I’m sorry that I gave you a second chance.
I’m sorry that I trusted you.
I’m sorry that I loved you.

I've done it,

I figured out why I'm not able to be happy.

Its because I'm scared.

I'm scared that I'm going to find someone that I really care about.

I'm scared that I'm going to mess up and hurt them .

I'm scare that I wont be accepted.

I'm scared that I wont be loved.

I'm scared that I am going to get hurt again.

I'm scared that I'm going to hurt someone.

I want to be happy.
I wish I can be happy.
But I can’t be happy.

I want to love.
I wish I can love.
But I can’t love.

I want to forget
I wish I can forget.
But I can’t forget.

I want to care about someone.
I wish I can care about someone.
But I can’t care about someone.

I want to forget.
I wish I can forget.
But I can’t forget.